My One and Only

There was a knock on the kitchen door.

I looked up.

Nick was standing on my porch.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

“OH, CROTCH,” I BREATHED.

“Hey,” Nick said. He was smiling. Here. He was here. On the porch. Why were all these men surprising me these days?

He raised a hand to shield his eyes and looked in through the screen door, and oh, that smile! Those beautiful gypsy eyes…And he was here. Crap! But no, it was good, right? So, so good…and also very terrible! Horrible, because really could the timing be any worse in any way?”

“I missed you, woman,” he said, and damn it, he had flowers. Irises. My favorite. Who the hell could find irises in September before 10 a.m. on an island? Huh? Who?

I floated over to the door, unable to feel my legs. I did not open the door, uh-uh. “Um,” I breathed. “Hi.”

“I was in the neighborhood,” he said. His eyes were happy. Damn it, he looked the way he did the first time he laid eyes on me—knowing and mischievous and naughty and edible.

“What are you doing here, Nick?” I whispered.

“What do you think?”

“Um…peddling the Book of Mormon?” Weak, but apparently, I was brain-dead.

“Wow. It’s like you’re psychic.” He took a step forward, and I jerked back. “Listen, Harper. When you left yesterday, I felt like I was dying. Dying, Harper.” He raised an eyebrow, and that little smile, it just killed me.

Crotchety crotch crotch! Of course, under other circumstances, I’d be on him like a tick on a tourist, but…crotch! “Nick, I…um…” Glancing behind me, I could see Jack and Sarah through the sliding glass doors as they sat out on the deck. Sarah was pointing to something in one of the bridal mags. I shifted to hide Nick’s view.

“You were right,” he said. God! The sexiest three words in the English language, you were right. What woman doesn’t love to hear that? “I know we have things to work out, and I’m completely willing to—” He paused. “Think you can let me in? I hadn’t really pictured kissing you through the screen.”

My knees threatened to give out. “Nick, this is…you know…but I have…uh, company? Unexpected company? Can I see you later, maybe?”

“No.” His smile faded. “Harper, I love you, and I’m not letting you run away this time. Open the goddamn door so I can grovel and kiss you and maybe cop a feel. And then we can figure things out, okay?”

“Hey!” Kim came torpedoing down the path from her house. Thank the Lord, the Marines had landed. “Hi! Harper! Good morning! And who do we have here! Hi, I’m Kim. Neighbor and friend.”

“Kim!” I blurted. “Great to see you. Uh…this is…um…Nick. Nick Lowery. Nick, my neighbor, Kim, mother of four wonderful boys and um…uh…yes. Okay. Maybe you can go to her house?”

Nick squinted at me—who wouldn’t? I sounded insane. Nevertheless, he turned to shake Kim’s hand. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“Oh,” Kim panted. “Wow. Okay. Yep, I see it now, Harper. Right. Got it. Flowers, that’s nice. So you’re Nick? Wow.” She gave me a wild-eyed glance.

“Kim, I was telling Nick about my company. You know. The unexpected recent company?”

“Oh, shitake, yes. Right. Nick, want to come to my house for a little bit? I have children. They’re very entertaining. And so well behaved. They hardly break anything.”

Nick’s gaze swiveled between the two of us women, babbling idiots both, and he narrowed his eyes. “What’s going on, Harper?” he asked.

I swallowed. “Well, Nick, I’m so, so happy to see you…but…well, this company? Um…”

“Harper dear?” Sarah called.

“Who’s that?” Nick asked.

I was hyperventilating a little. “Actually, see, this is kind of funny—”

“Nick! What are you doing here? Did Chris send you?”

Oh, hell and damnation. Willa had arisen from her nap and came now into the kitchen behind me.

“Willa,” he said, though he was staring at me. The warm, hot fudge look in his eyes dried to a hardened lump of tar. “What a surprise.”

“Chris didn’t send you?”

“And why would he do that?” Nick asked, his voice deceptively mild.

“Because I left him,” Willa said, her eyes filling. “Harper was right. He wasn’t good enough for me! It was a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Those weren’t my exact words,” I said, cringing.

Nick took matters into his own hands and tried to open the door. I tried to close it.

“Harper, what the hell?” he muttered, pushing it open all the way. Not fair. He was heavier. He stood in the kitchen between Willa and me, looking at both of us in turn before settling his gaze on Willa. “One week? That’s all, Willa? You gave him a week?”

“I should never have married him in the first place,” she said, starting to do that little hitching breath thing again. Kim, bless her, came in as well and took Willa’s arm, steering her over to the table. I glanced out to the deck, where Jack and Sarah had turned to look at our little soap opera.

“Nick, listen,” I said. “You have to go just for a little while, okay? This is not a good time.”

“No, I can see that,” Nick said tightly. And he didn’t know the half of it. “I thought you said you wouldn’t interfere.”

“Look, I actually didn’t—”

“How did you get home, Willa?” he asked tightly.

“Harper gave me her credit card number, in case things went south,” my sister answered, blowing her nose loudly.

Nick’s jaw tightened. “Nice, Harper.”

“It wasn’t exactly like—Oh, crap.”

Jack and Sarah had decided to join us. “Hello there,” said Sarah, blinking as she came in from the bright sunlight. “We’re Jack and Sarah Costello. And you are…?”

“Nick’s my brother-in-law,” Willa said wetly. “Hi, Mrs. Costello, Mr. Costello, nice to see you again.”

“Costello?” Nick said. His voice was very soft.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Jack asked Willa.

“Oh, nothing,” Willa said, her face crumpling.

I just stood there, unable to figure a way out of this mess, choked to silence by the guilt python.

Then I heard my bedroom door open, and Dennis came in, as well. Wearing boxers and nothing else, his brawny build on full display. “Hey, I didn’t know we had a crowd. Hi, Ma, Dad. Hi, Willa, what’s up?” He rubbed his eyes, then focused on Nick. “Nick! How’s it hanging? You here to offer congratulations or something?”

With terrible slowness, Nick’s gaze slid to me. “Congratulations on what?” he asked. I closed my eyes.

Dennis put his arm around me. “Dude. We’re getting married.”

“And, not to be too presumptuous,” Sarah said, leaning forward with one of the bridal magazines, “I think I found you a dress. See? So elegant!”

Nick just stared at me for a minute, and the world seemed to stop as I felt the full weight of his disappointment…no. His disgust.

“Well,” he said calmly. “I hope you’ll be very happy together.” He glanced at his watch. “Sorry to say, I have to run.”

And then he was out the door, into the sunshine.

“I would’ve thought he’d have a little more to say than that,” Willa muttered.

“He’s not here for—you know what? Be right back,” I said, my paralysis shattering. I bolted outside, my sandals crunching on the driveway, little fragments of crushed shells stabbing into my feet. “Nick!” I called. “Wait! Hold on a sec.”

He didn’t. He was actually on his phone, calling a cab, probably. Or a hit man. “Nick! Hang on! Please!”

I caught up to him at the bottom of my hill, right in front of the dock, where already, tourists were boarding their charter boats for a day of fishing.

“Nick, this is not what it seems.” I put my hand on his arm, but he shook it off. “Nick! I’m not engaged to Dennis,” I said. The wind blew the hair into my eyes, and I shoved it back.

“I don’t believe this,” he said. “I mean, I figured you’d have an escape plan, but engaged? Wow, Harper. That was fast. Or maybe not. Maybe you never broke up with Dennis in the first place. I mean, look at you. Your hair’s down, you’re wearing a pretty dress, a ring that would choke a pony, breaking up my brother’s marriage and all set to have a lovely day with your fiancé and his family!”

“Nick, come on! I’m not marrying him.”

He shook his head, looking at the sky. “Does he have any idea that you’ve been with me, Harper?”

“By ‘been with,’ do you mean ‘slept with’?” I asked, biting a cuticle.

“Yes, Harper! Does Dennis know you slept with me?”

“Um…well, not really. No.”

Nick glared at me. “This is what you do, isn’t it? You erase me. You leave me. Our whole time together, back then and right now, one foot out the door. Just in case.”

“Nick, he met me at the airport with his whole family—”

“And you just couldn’t figure out a way to say no.”

I paused. Maybe he did understand. “Exactly. I just needed a few days—”

“You couldn’t figure out a way to say no to me, either. That’s why you married me. You told me that just this week.”

I started to answer, then stopped. “I…it wasn’t—”

“So will you marry Dennis because you can’t see a way out of it, Harper?” His eyes were molten with anger.

I took a breath. “No. Really, Nick. I’m not even remotely considering marrying Dennis.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets. The wind rumpled his hair, and he stared at me with his gypsy eyes. “Well, let me ask you this, Harper. Are you considering marrying me?”

The question hung in the air between us. I hesitated. “Well, I think before we talk about that, Nick, we have to figure out—”

He held up his hand. “Stop,” he said. “Just…stop.”

I obeyed, forcing myself not to chew on my cuticles. Nick looked out over the water, past the boats, past the Coast Guard station, out toward the open water. He couldn’t seem to look at me.

Then a car pulled up, the same taxi service that had dropped off Willa. “Someone call a cab?” the driver said amiably.

“Yeah,” Nick said.

My mouth went dry, my heart clattered. “Nick, don’t leave. Don’t go,” I said unevenly. “Look, it’s not that I’m not, you know…it’s just that this is all really new and sudden, and it’s hard—”

“It’s not hard for me!” he barked, causing both the cabbie and me to jump. “Harper, I’ve loved you all my adult life, but you just can’t believe that, and nothing I do will change your mind. You want a guarantee, you want a f**king crystal ball to see the future, and I can’t give you one. The only thing I can say is that I love you, I always have, I always will, but somehow that’s not good enough for you. And I just can’t do this any more.” He opened the door, took a breath, then forced himself to look at me. “Take care of yourself.”

Then he got in the cab, slammed the door and that was that.

The car pulled away, the seagulls wheeled and cried. A crow called from a telephone wire, and a lobster boat’s engine coughed, then turned over.

From my overactive, ever-analyzing brain, there was nothing, and where my heart had been, there now seemed to be an abandoned mineshaft, empty, dark and hollow.

EVERYONE WAS STILL IN my kitchen when I got back. Nick’s irises lay on the table next to Willa, who was idly stroking a petal. Kim leaned against the counter, talking to the Costellos, and they all looked up when I walked in.

“Where have you been, honey?” Sarah asked. “Are you all right? You’ll get a burn if you don’t wear a hat. Do you have sunscreen on?”

“Where’s Dennis?” I asked.

“He’s getting dressed,” she answered. “Why, dear?”

I dragged my eyes up to hers. “I…I need to talk to him.” I said. My expression must’ve been telling, because her mouth made an O of surprise, and a flash of wariness crossed her face.

“Maybe we should catch up with you two later on,” Jack said.

“Yes!” Sarah agreed. “Right. Okay, dear. Um…goodbye.” I watched them leave, then closed my eyes briefly.

“Willa, why don’t we go to my house for a little bit?” Kim suggested.

“You okay?” Willa asked me.

“Um…not really,” I said. “I need to talk to Den for a little bit.”

“Oh,” she said. “Oh, shit. Sorry.”

“I’ll be home,” Kim murmured, giving me a quick pat as she herded Willa out the door.

The quiet of the house was almost palpable. I took a breath, then another, but my heart kept thudding painfully away. Dennis hadn’t come out of the bedroom, and after another minute or two, I went in to see what was keeping him.

He was sitting on the edge of my bed, petting Coco, staring at the floor.

“Hey,” I whispered.

“Wait,” he said. “Hang on a sec.” He looked up at the ceiling and when he looked at me again, his lovely blue eyes were wet. “I did everything on the list.”