Just like Evan’s eyes were tonight.

I toss and turn all night, mad at myself for not trying harder to talk to Evan. In hindsight, I should have handled his bad mood better, been more supportive and less judgy. And now I can’t call him and he can’t call me to talk it over, and I can’t just drive back over there in the middle of the night.

Staring up at my ceiling fan spinning round and round, similar to the carousel of my mind, I wonder if he’s still agonizing over the song. I wonder if he’s drunk. I wonder if he wishes he was on drugs.

I wonder if he regrets not stopping me from leaving as much as I wish I hadn’t left.

The awkwardness of that night and the unconventional inability to call him to find out if he’s okay and to figure out if we’re okay keeps me from going back to see him for days. I have no idea what kind of state he could be in or if he even wants to see me again.

On the third day, I’d possibly give a kidney to find a note in my car, but I find something even better—him. At first, I think I must be hallucinating as I walk across the office parking lot toward my car. I blink at the vision of him leaning against the hood, wearing a black sweater and leather jacket I’ve never seen on him before. His long hair blowing away from his face in the autumn breeze makes him look like an edgy model on the cover of a rock magazine, exuding confidence and dripping sensuality. When his face lights up with a smile, all my doubts fade away, and I know we’re okay. I know he’s okay.

“Sorry about the other night,” he says when I’m close enough for him to pull me into his arms. “I was having a bad day.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“Do you have any plans?” he asks.

“Nope.”

“I do.” He flashes me a cocky grin and takes my car keys from my hand.

“I guess you’re driving?” I tease, going up on my toes to kiss his cheek.

He slaps my ass playfully. “Get in.”

I’m excited when he drives down Main Street, away from town, and turns onto a favorite road of mine that’s home to old farmhouses that still raise horses, cows, and chickens. Many of them have farm stands set up on the side of the road.

“Come over here and kiss me.” With just a few words, he’s got my heart racing and my mood soaring.

Smiling, I lean across the seat and quickly press my lips to his. Before I can lean back, he touches my leg just below the hem of my skirt.

“You’re wearing new lipstick.”

I love that he notices little things like this. “It’s called Raspberry Razzle Dazzle. I mostly bought it for the name, but now I kinda like the color.”

The callus on his finger snags on my black stockings as he inches his hand farther under my skirt.

“I want your lips on me.” He glances at me, then back to the road. “I want you to suck me.”

“Now?”

I watch in shock as he unbuttons his jeans then pulls the zipper down, using his knee to keep the car straight on the road. My eyes take in the thick bulge straining against his faded black boxers.

“Isn’t this dangerous?” I ask as I turn my body toward him.

“Unless a cow jumps in front of us or you bite me, we’re fine, babe.” He grasps my thigh and pulls me closer. “C’mon, beautiful.”

Throwing caution out the window, I push his jeans and boxers down just far enough for me to grab his hard cock and bow my head between him and the steering wheel. The moment I take him into my mouth, he moans and slides his free hand all the way up my skirt. After he rips through my thin nylon stockings, the burst of cool air between my legs is quickly followed by the warmth of his hand as he moves his fingers between my lips.

I suck him harder as he thrusts a finger inside me, and I hope he doesn’t get distracted enough to crash the car. I don’t want to be found dead in a mangled mess with my head wedged into the steering wheel and a cock in my mouth. My parents would be horrified. Ditra would be impressed, though.

His cock grows harder and hotter, pulsing against my tongue, and the thrust of his hips toward my face sends waves of erotic excitement through me. Nothing turns me on more than his moans and sighs, his dirty talk, and the way his body reacts to my touch. As I wrap my lips tighter around his shaft, he pushes two fingers into me and rubs his thumb against my clit, touching it with just the perfect amount of pressure. I drag my lips and tongue up to the tip of his cock. He lets go of the steering wheel to fist my hair and pushes me back down, holding me there with his cock rammed against the back of my throat, followed by spurts of hot cum.

Still holding my hair, he pulls my head up and kisses me before letting me fall back onto the passenger seat. I’m still trying to catch my breath as I kick off my shoes and wiggle out of my ruined stockings. Then I pull my skirt back down and try to compose myself.

“I don’t know how to love you, Piper,” he says roughly. “But I know I love you a little more every day.”

I turn to look at him with tears brimming in my eyes because his words are masked with so much sadness and regret, my heart hurts.

“Love doesn’t have rules, Blue. The way you love me is perfect. And I love you. That’s all that matters.”

The click of his tongue piercing against his teeth is his only response, and that’s okay. Our love may be unexpected and flawed, but it’s ours. That’s all that matters.

What I see before me sucks the breath right out of my lungs. We hardly spoke on the way back into town, other than deciding on what to get at the drive-thru burger place.

He insisted I enter the shed first, and he came in slowly and nervously behind me.

Flameless electric candles in assorted sizes are placed around the sleeping bag and a few on the small wooden shelf nailed into the wall. There’s even two small ones placed by Acorn’s bed. A glass vase in the corner sprouts six red silk roses. The tiny space glows warm amber, and if I let my eyes blur, the space resembles a cozy rustic cabin bedroom in the mountains. Speechless, I look over at him. He watches me, drinking in my reaction.

“It’s beautiful,” I say wistfully.

He steps toward me and takes my hands in his, leaning down to kiss the top of my head. “I wanted to give you the first time you didn’t get. Something romantic you can remember.”

I ignore the fact that he preceded this romantic gesture by asking me to blow him while he was driving my car, a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and a dog in the back seat. It’s the thought that counts, right?

“This is so sweet,” I say. “Where did you get all this?”

“At the dollar store. I didn’t want to leave real candles burning in here. I don’t want to burn the fuckin’ place down.”

I laugh and nod. “I like them. We can keep them.”

“I thought maybe you could take one home with you and put it by your bed. So you know I’m thinking about you.”

I tighten my hands around his. “I’d love that.”

He slips his fingers from mine and slowly pulls my blouse over my head, laying it on the floor before circling my waist with his hands. “You…” he says, leaning down to kiss my neck. “You don’t know how you wreck me.”

My eyes close and my head falls back in bliss as he sucks the flesh of my neck between his lips and gently bites.

“My head is fucked with you. Every note, every word I write is haunted by you…” He unclasps my bra and whisks it off to cup my breasts in his palms. “All I can hear is your voice. All I see is your eyes. All I can feel is your body…”

His lips leave my neck and come down on my mouth, hard at first, then gradually softer. I can tell he’s struggling to be slow and gentle as his breathing grows ragged and deep.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper against his lips.

“Don’t be. I need it. I need you.”

Fueled by his words, I push his leather jacket from his shoulders. It falls with a thud to the floor when he shrugs it off. The new black cable-knit sweater comes off him next, and I run my hands up his toned, inked torso, reveling in how beautiful every inch of him is. He helps me step out of my high heels and skirt, and I briefly recall my torn stockings on the floor of my car.

He backs us up to the sleeping bag as we kiss. He kneels in front of me and my body trembles when he kisses a path from an amazingly sensitive spot behind my knee all the way up to my inner thigh. I grab his head in surprise when he lifts my leg over his shoulder and starts to devour my pussy with his lips and tongue. I clench at his long hair as he fucks me with his mouth and flicks the metal piercing over my clit. Just as I’m on the verge of climaxing, he pulls his mouth away and looks up at me with a lusty grin.

“You don’t get to come yet,” he scolds in a raspy voice. “I want this little pussy to come all over my cock.”

I almost have an orgasm just hearing him talk dirty to me, and those burning eyes of his aren’t helping. I run my fingers through his hair and tighten my leg around him.

“Tell me what you want, Piper.”

“Just you,” I reply, pulling him closer. “Any way I can have you.”

Kisses all over my stomach and breasts lull and excite me, my body humming with desire and love and feelings I have no way to describe.