No Tomorrow

He lights up a cigarette with casual finesse as if hundreds of people aren’t sitting here waiting for him. Not to mention I’m pretty sure smoking is prohibited in here. But when has he ever followed rules? Settling the guitar on his thigh, he leans forward slightly to adjust the mic, and I catch a glimpse of feathery blue in his wavy hair, and my mind and heart are transformed back in time again. When he was mine and I was his and all these movements and mannerisms were as comforting and familiar to me as an old childhood teddy bear.

Why did he leave me? Why has he chosen this life full of strangers to play for when he could be playing for me in all our special places, making me breathless like only he can?

“Are you okay?” Ditra whispers in my ear.

I nod, unable to look away from the man on the stage who’s still got my heart in a vice, afraid I’ll miss something—a smile or a glance my way. I wonder if he would just lift his head, not hide behind the hair falling across his face... if he would just look out at the crowd, would he notice me? Would our eyes lock like they did way back when in the park when we just clicked? Would he feel the wave of memories course through his veins like I am? The undeniable pull of fate? Would he miss my kiss and my touch—would he miss me—so much that he’ll want to grab my hand and run?

I’d go. I’d sprint out of here with him without a second thought and run anywhere just to be with him again.

“Somehow he’s even hotter, isn’t he?” Ditra observes, breaking into my thoughts. “I guess he can afford to eat now. He’s got some meat on him.”

I noticed. I’m noticing everything.

I want to smack my best friend for also noticing and for pointing it out, because that means every other female in the room must be noticing and I don’t want them to. I want Blue to be mine and only mine to look at.

But without introduction or warning, Blue’s gravelly, tortured tone is filling the room:

We-eeeeeee loved until it hurt,

and we-eeeee, we broke each other’s hearts.

Believe me-eeee, every word I ever said,

It was all I had, all I ever had to give.

And I know, baby, I know, you shoulda had

So much more.

So much more....

The lyrics, so seductive in their sadness, come to life on his lips and in his half-closed eyes. Blue has always sung as if the words were being torn right out of his soul and I’m relieved to see that neither time nor fame has changed that.

I’ve never witnessed such an intimate concert, not in person or on television. The stillness of the crowd speaks volumes of their respect and love for the band. We’re all mesmerized, savoring every note and every word, waiting until the end of each song to clap and whistle in appreciation.

At the end of the third song, Blue finally looks at the crowd as if he’s just realized we’re here, and flashes a crooked, shy smile that I’m quite sure melted the hearts of every female in the room.

Me included.

“Thanks for being here with us tonight. We’re honored to play so close to where we all grew up.” He takes a sip from a glass that’s sitting on the floor next to his stool.

Didn’t he grow up in New Jersey? Hm. Maybe to him that’s close?

The crowd claps softly.

“Once upon a time, I left my heart in New England,” he continues, and my heart nearly leaps into my throat. Is he referring to me? Some other woman? Acorn, perhaps? “And I ain’t never been the same.”

He glances at Reece to his left, and they sing together in perfect synchrony.

Bloodstained tears, an angel without wings

Bury me in words, and steal my breath

Drag me from the depths of my tor-mented mind

Forget what I said, I’ve lost myself, I’ve lost my way

I walked so far but went nowhere in these shoes

I know nothing at all, but I once knew you

And, maybe, for a moment, you knew me too.

By the end of the concert, I’m a twisted mess of awe, heartache, and pride. Even if I had never known Blue personally, I would leave this theater feeling touched, forever changed by the band’s talent, their obvious camaraderie, and Blue’s charismatic stage presence. Tonight would be a memory I would cherish forever as something rare and special, as I’m sure most of the people surrounding me feel as well.

“That was amazing,” I say to Ditra as we stand and slowly make our way to the center aisle. “His voice is incredible. Everything was incredible.”

“It was definitely one of the best live performances I’ve ever seen. His voice is insane. And that other guy he sang with? Sheer perfection.”

“I think that’s Reece. I think they were friends in high school.”

“I have a hardcore thing for him. I hope I can get his autograph backstage.”

Just the word backstage sends me into an instant panic. Weaving through the crowd, we inch closer and closer to a guy with huge arms and a beard down to his chest who’s checking VIP passes before allowing people to pass toward the hall that leads backstage. Ditra hands him ours and he quickly scans them and hands them back to us.

“Down there to the left,” he says without making any eye contact.

“Josh is amazing for getting these tickets,” Ditra exclaims when we’re far away from Big and Beardy.

Halting, I pull Ditra off to the side so the people behind us can keep going. “I’m not sure I can do this. This is crazy, and kind of stalkerish, isn’t it?”

“Piper, stop it. First, if you think I’m going to miss the chance of meeting these guys in person, you’re insane. Second, it’s not crazy. You know him. You have a history. And a child. Remember?”

My shaking legs convince me to lean against the wall. “I know. I just feel like he’s so out of my league right now. So much time has passed. I don’t know him anymore, not like this. And I feel like I’m cornering him, coming out of nowhere.”

“It doesn’t matter. You need closure. And he needs to know he’s a father. End of story.” She grabs my arm and pulls me away from the wall. “Now let’s go.”

She practically drags me down the hallway to a lounge which is being guarded by a guy who looks almost identical to the first guy who checked our passes a few seconds ago. Big and Beardy Two waves us in and just like that, I’m standing a few feet away from Blue. Thankfully, he’s got his back to the door and is engaged in a conversation with a small group of people and doesn’t see me enter the room, giving me time to compose myself.

I didn’t know what to expect for this meet-n-greet session, but I envisioned a room packed with people drinking, smoking weed, and trying to hook up with the band members while their music blasted in the background. In reality, it’s nothing like that. The room is surprisingly quiet with fewer than twenty people chatting on bright orange couches or standing, sipping drinks and nibbling tiny sandwiches.

Ditra points to a bar and a table spread with food on the other side of the room. “I’m going to go get a drink. Do you want to come with me?”

I’m afraid if I put anything in my mouth I’m going to get sick. “No, I just want to get his attention and talk to him.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

I shake my head and run my tongue over my lips. “I think it’s better if I approach him alone. I don’t want him to feel ganged up on.”

“Agreed. I’ll be milling around trying to get Reece to notice me.” She winks at me and dashes off with a sway of her hips. I shake my head, fluff my hair with my hands, and slowly walk over to Blue.

“Hey. Enjoy the show?” A huge wall of chest is suddenly in front of me, attached to a head of long black hair, an easy smile, and dark eyes.

I blink up at him, unable to find my voice. I wasn’t expecting anyone to talk to me.

“Um, yes. Very much,” I finally squeak out.

He raises his dark eyebrows as he lifts his beer bottle to his lips. “You don’t sound so sure.”

I smile reassuringly. “You just caught me off guard. It was amazing. You guys sound even better live than you do on your CD.”

He grins with amusement. “I hope that’s a compliment?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“I’m Reece, by the way,” he says.

“I know,” I reply, wishing Ditra would get her ass back over here. Instead she’s already off flirting with some random dude with a ring in his nose and a Mohawk, completely ignoring me. “I’m Piper...and I’m actually hoping to talk to Blue....”

His eyes narrow at me. “Piper? You’re not the Piper, are you?”

Reece’s question is completely unexpected. I can’t picture Blue talking about me to his friends and bandmates. What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall to hear those conversations.

“I’m not sure if I’m the Piper you’re referring to.” I refuse to assume anything at this point. Even though my name is rare, it doesn’t mean Blue hasn’t met another Piper or two.

“The one he’s been all fucked on for years?” Reece lets out a low laugh. “I guess I owe him fifty bucks because I bet him a few years back that you didn’t exist and you were just one of his fucked-up hallucinations. But here you are.”