No Tomorrow
I went from dating a guy who lived in a shed to a guy who now tours and flies around the world. It’s hard to grasp he’s the same guy. I wonder if I would fit into his new, exciting life, or if I’d feel totally out of my element with him.
But when I move the layers of his new lifestyle to the side, Blue is the same. He’s still quiet, honest, and passionate. He still makes me feel like I’m the only woman on the planet that exists in his eyes. He walked away from a room full of paying fans to be alone with me—just like he walked away from the listeners in the park to come sit with me years ago.
In his own way, he’s incredibly romantic.
He’s still my Blue.
Having money, a band, fans, and a busy schedule hasn’t changed who he is or the things I love about him. I don’t see any sign of a man who has turned into a player or who hops from woman to woman. It might take a while, but I could accept his career and everything that comes with it as long as it doesn’t change him.
“That’s true,” I finally say. “We could find ways to make it work. Lots of people do it.” My mind tries to wrangle how I’d work that out between my job, a four-year-old, and two pets. Blue isn’t the only one who’s living a different life now. My life is completely different, too, and he knows absolutely nothing about any of it. Just as I would need to accept his new life, he would also have to be willing to accept mine.
And most of all, he would have to accept our daughter. Unconditionally.
“My drummer’s got a long-term chick. They work it out.”
We reach for each other’s hands at the same time and entwine our fingers together. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot, Piper. I was blown away when I saw you tonight. It’s like fate brought you back to me. I even dreamt about you a few nights ago. And now you’re here and it’s like we were never apart. I think I can do it right this time. I’m flat out with the band and writing new songs and all that other shit, but I’ll make time. I can be better now.”
“There was nothing wrong with you before,” I interject.
“No, there was and I know it. I was tumbleweeding all over the fuckin’ place. I had all kinds of shit in my head and I could never get the words or the notes right and everything else just spiraled and it was just too much and that’s why I got headaches and felt sick. But it would be better now and we could be together. I’m leaving tomorrow night for the next show, but you could come with me.” The frantic speed of his words and his overly excited tone is sweet yet equally alarming. “I’ll make sure we have a room with a big tub and lots of soap and towels and we’ll have a big bed like this one. And you can come to the show every night and watch me like you used to in the pub, remember? I used to love that, looking out at the crowd and seeing your big beautiful eyes watching me. We could have cheeseburgers every night and we can fall asleep together in a real bed, just like you wanted.” His arm tightens around me, as if he’s pulling me into this scenario with him. “We could be together again, me, you, and Acorn.”
When he finally pauses to take a breath, I jump in.
“I wish I could do all that but I have to work, Blue. I can’t just take time off without any notice. I want to. More than anything. But I’d have to put in vacation requests with HR. I have over a month of vacation time but I can’t just take off whenever. We can still make plans, though. You’ll have to let me know your schedule and we’ll see what we can make work and talk about everything else.”
“Oh. I forgot about all that.” His tongue piercing clicks his teeth. “It’s okay. As soon as we can, we’ll get together. And I can call you. Every day. I have a phone now.”
I nod enthusiastically, trying to figure out how I can bring up Lyric in this conversation without ruining the moment. “Definitely. We’ll take it day by day. No pressure.”
Squinting, he rubs his fingertips across his forehead. “My head is killing me. I’m so tired. I can’t remember when I slept.”
“You need to get some rest. It’s late.”
He rolls onto his side and curls his body around mine. “Sleep with me and we’ll get you home in the morning. I won’t be able to sleep if you leave.”
Shit. I should have gone home hours ago, or at least called Josh, who must be worried out of his mind right now. I feel like the worst mother in the world. I’ve never let Lyric go to bed without telling her I love her. Ever.
“I need to call my roommate.”
He nods, already drifting off to sleep, too tired to ask questions. “Okay, then come sleep with me,” he mumbles into his pillow.
I use the phone on the desk across the room rather than the one closer to the bed, and Josh answers on the second ring.
“Jesus Christ, Piper, where the hell are you? It’s two a.m.”
I cringe from the receiver. “Calm down, please? I’m with Blue.”
He scoffs down the line. “What a surprise. I saw this coming a mile away.”
“Josh, please,” I whisper loudly. “Is Lyric okay? Is she awake?”
“She’s fine, and no, she’s not awake. I put her to bed hours ago. I’ve been sitting here watching Project Runway for hours worrying about you.”
“I didn’t get to say goodnight to her. Was she upset?”
“No, she just kept asking when you were coming home and if she could have more ice cream.”
“Shit. I feel terrible.”
“When are you coming home?”
“Tomorrow.”
He lets out a frustrated sigh. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Nope. Not at all.
“So I guess he took the news well?” he prods.
“I didn’t tell him yet.”
“Are you going to?”
“Yes. In the morning. This is really hard, Josh. He’s so happy to see me. You don’t know him, not much makes him happy and excited like this. I just wanted us to enjoy some time together.”
“I have a bad feeling about this. Don’t make me regret getting you those tickets, Piper.”
“Ugh. Really? Why are you being like this? I’m an adult.”
“Yeah and the first night you go out to see your ex you don’t come home and completely blow off your kid. This guy just fucks you all up.”
“He doesn’t fuck me up. And I didn’t blow off Lyric. How dare you say that to me? This is the first time I’ve gone out at night in months! I just lost track of the time.”
“I’m not going to argue with you—I’m going to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says. “And don’t worry about Lyric, I’ll make her breakfast and keep her busy until you get home.”
“I do appreciate you taking care of her for me. I’m sorry I made you worry. I just need a little more time with him.”
“Just be careful.” He ends the call and I slowly put the phone down, feeling my happy bubble slowly deflating.
Sighing, I crawl under the covers with Blue and cuddle up against his warm body. He presses his lips to the top of my head. “Don’t go,” he says sleepily.
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” I whisper, rubbing my hand back and forth across his warm back.
Tomorrow morning I’ll tell him about Lyric. After we’ve both gotten some sleep and have absorbed our decision to be together again. To try again. I don’t let my mind wander too far into the future. I won’t let myself worry about being in a relationship with a rock star. Blue is the same person he used to be. He’s humble, unfazed by his new life. I can see it so clearly—our future—as I envisioned and hoped for. We can be a family. We can be happy. We can put the past behind us, leave his demons in the dust.
We are the myth, of love and lore
Of visions and gem-painted bugs, forever and evermore
We are faith and hope and dreams come true
We are one and two and there is no one but you.
No one but you....
The lyrics of Ladybug drift through my exhausted mind. Blue is a poet, a dreamer. Loyal to love and forgiving of its madness. We’ll be fine, the two of us, and our whimsical little girl.
Mend my shredded wings, lend me your heart
Fly with me, there’s nothing to tear us apart....
Chapter Twenty-Three
8:06 a.m.
I yawn at the digital clock on the nightstand. It seems like just a blink ago it was three a.m. Last night’s activities cycle through my memory like a slow, out-of-focus slideshow.
Blue on stage, with his band, surrounded by fans.
The way his voice and his lyrics slammed through my chest and into my soul.
Cheeseburgers.
Love.
His hand in my hair, his body buried in mine.
The hope.
Waking to slow, sweet kisses with the rise of the sun.
Him in my mouth, his moans and lusty eyes.
The promises.
A sensation creeps over me, similar to that feeling I get when I forget to put my watch on, and then for the rest of the day my wrist feels strange and oddly amputated.
Blue isn’t in bed with me. I’m a wrist without a watch.
My back and neck ache in protest when I sit up and stretch my arms high up over my head. I’m not used to sleeping all tangled up with another person. Or being stretched and bent and bit and sucked.