No Tomorrow
“Because I want to talk to you. You wouldn’t talk to me on the phone, and you refuse to come with me to talk in private. So now we’re going to talk here in the middle of this fucking parking lot because I’m not leaving without talking to you.”
“Okay.” His demanding attitude has my interest piqued, and my inner romance fan is swooning and begging for more.
“The past six months have been really hard, Piper. Withdrawals, crazy mood swings, feeling sick all the time. I wanted to freakin’ crawl out of my own skin. I got through it, though, and you want to know how?”
I nod. “Yes. Tell me.”
“Thinking about you and Lyric. You’re what got me through.”
“I don’t—”
“I want you back. And I want to meet my daughter. I’m thirty-four, Piper. Thirty fucking four. I’ve fucked up a ton of shit. I’ve lost literally years of my life being high or running away from something that I can’t even see or explain. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want you, and my kid, and my band.” He grabs my hand. “I wanted my dog too, but I’m too late. I won’t be too late for you and Lyric.”
“Evan....”
“I’m not kidding, Piper. This is all I’ve been thinking about since you told me to fuck off years ago.”
I feel incredibly small and vulnerable all of a sudden. Stripped of all the strength I’ve built up over the years and attempted to enforce tonight. His words have gutted me, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m already broken over losing Acorn, or if the exhaustion of wishing and hoping for Blue to get to this place for so long has finally taken its toll.
I should be jumping up and down with excitement. Or telling him no; it’s too late for us. But instead I feel numb and unable to feel much of anything. It’s as if a thousand bees have taken up residence inside me and are buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, drowning out everything and making my entire body tremor with an odd, unfamiliar energy.
He squeezes my hand. “Say something.”
“I’m not sure what to say.”
A car door opening and closing, then an engine starting sounds behind us, and a few seconds later the car’s headlights shine on us as it pulls out of the parking lot. A quick glance reveals it’s Dr. Simon leaving—the doctor who slid a thin needle into my dog’s fragile vein and then promised they would handle him with love and care until his remains were ready for me to pick up in a mahogany urn Blue and I picked out.
How odd, and incredibly sad, that the first thing we ever picked out together was a cremation urn. Not a couch, or dishes like most couples.
“Are you sure you don’t feel this way because you think I’m getting involved with someone else?” I ask.
“I just found that out ten seconds ago, Piper. So, no.”
“Are you involved with someone?”
“No.”
“Are you sleeping with someone?”
“Once. One time. Years ago. I was drunk off my ass.”
His admittance is like gasoline in my veins, burning through my limbs and exploding in my heart.
My mouth takes the wheel. “Did you love her?”
He doesn’t hesitate to answer. “No. Never. I love you.”
“I haven’t been with anyone.” My tone is accusatory and bitchy but I’m not sorry.
“But you care about him. He’s important to you. I can see it in your eyes.”
“Yeah...I care about him a lot. He’s a great guy. There’s the possibility to have something real with him. But...” The muscles of his jaw clench and I stare off at the road for a few seconds then return my gaze to his. “I’m still in love with you.”
His body closes in on mine, pushing me against the car. “I know you are.”
“You are so bad, Blue.”
His face is in my hair, his warm lips moving against my ear. “I didn’t even get a chance to tell you how beautiful you look,” he whispers. “It’s like you don’t age at all. You still look twenty-one years old to me.”
“Hm... so you like younger girls?” I tease, slipping my hands under his leather jacket.
Our lips meet, and linger, touching softly, breathing each other.
“I like you,” he says under his breath. “Can we get the hell out of this parking lot? I have a suite at the hotel. We don’t have to spend all our time outside anymore.”
“I can’t. Not because I don’t want to, Blue. I do want to spend more time with you. But I need to get home to our daughter.”
He lets out a low, drawn-out groan. “You’re right,” he agrees. “She needs you. Can you call me later tonight? After she’s in bed? Or is he staying the night?”
“He absolutely is not spending the night.”
“Then call my cell later when you can.”
“All right,” I relent. “I’ll call you... but I really need to do some thinking about everything. You have to slow your roll a little.”
He laughs. “Look at you with the badass lingo. You’re so cute.”
His smile ebbs away some of the sadness in my heart, and I love him the way he’s been tonight—so open with all his emotions, driven and communicative. A little pushy? Yes. But that’s okay.
The question is: how long will he stay this way?
Chapter Thirty-Four
My life always seems to be in some stage of effed up. I’m not even sure why. I think I’m a pretty normal person just trying to live a normal life. I stay in my bubble. I try to do the right thing. I do my best to treat others well. But I still find myself in stressy positions that I had no intention of getting into.
Like having to face Josh at my house after just seeing Blue.
When I get home, Lyric is on the couch with her favorite stuffed animal and about five books scattered on her lap. Josh is on the other end of the couch with his laptop. I kneel down next to Lyric and kiss her forehead.
“How’s my girl?” I ask.
“Did Acorn go to the rainbow bridge?” she asks solemnly.
“Yes. He’s an angel now.”
Tomorrow I plan to wrap up the locket with Acorn’s photo and a tiny piece of his fur and mail it to her. She believes in angels and Heaven. I know it will mean a lot to her when it arrives. She’ll cherish it. In her sweet, innocent mind, she’ll believe that it came from him.
She picks up one of the books and points to a little girl playing a harp. “I want to do this,” she says.
“Read this story?” I ask.
“No,” Josh says, shutting the lid of his laptop and putting it off to the side. “She wants to play the harp.”
“Can I, Mom?”
“Wow, the harp?” I exclaim.
“Yes, like an angel,” she answers.
I wonder if she has her father’s musical talents, and now I can’t wait to find out. “Of course you can. I’ll find out where to get you one. Do you want to take lessons, like with a teacher?”
She nods excitedly. “Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll find out everything as soon as I can. I think it’s a really neat idea.”
Josh hangs around while Lyric gets ready for bed, and I’m dreading the questions I know are coming. My head hurts from crying, and I’m exhausted and depressed about Acorn. The last thing I want to do is talk to anyone right now. I just want to crawl in bed and escape from everything.
“Was it peaceful?” he asks as I straighten out the living room and put Lyric’s books back on the bookshelf. “For Acorn?”
The ache returns to my chest as the vision of Acorn closing his eyes for the last time passes through my memory.
“He just kind of went to sleep. It was very quick. And just really sad.”
“At least he didn’t suffer. He was a good dog.”
I nod and head to the kitchen with an empty glass that was next to the couch. Josh follows me and leans his shoulder against the door frame, watching me fill the dishwasher.
“Did he show up?” he asks, trying to sound casual. Archie wanders in and sits in the middle of the floor, observing us with a smug expression.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And we talked,” I answer.
“Your lipstick is smudged.”
I automatically touch my lips and wipe the corners.
“I was crying, Josh, and blowing my nose.”
“And kissing.”
My frustration jacks up. “Do you see a ring on this finger? Nope. Am I in a relationship with anyone? Nope. Do both of you put me in impossible, awkward situations because you don’t know what you want? Yup!” I push past him on my way back to the living room.
“I was trying to be patient by asking you out on a real date, Piper.”
“I know, and I appreciate that. I really do. But kissing me totally came out of left field and you know that.”
“I thought you liked it. I thought maybe you felt the same way.”
“I did like it. And to be honest, I’m really not sure how I feel about anything or anyone right now. I was open to going on a date with you to see how we felt about each other... to see if we could be more than friends.”
“Was? As in not anymore?”
“As in I have no freakin’ idea! Did you guys like plan this? To make me mental and sandwich me in your fuckedupness?” I snatch a blanket off the floor and fold it before draping it over the back of the couch.