No Tomorrow
We have dinner at a quiet local restaurant, then I drive Blue back to the Marriott hotel just a few blocks from the park.
“Did you have fun?” Blue asks, turning in the passenger seat to talk to Lyric in the back.
“I did. Will I see you tomorrow still?”
“Yup. I’m coming over to your house in the morning.”
“Can I show you my room?”
He grins. “I’d love to see your room. You can show me where you’re going to keep your new harp.”
“What should I call you?” she asks.
Blue looks to me for guidance and I give him a subtle nod. I want him to be able to make his own decisions with her.
“That’s up to you. You can call me Dad...or you can call me Blue.” He reaches across the seat and holds on to my hand on my thigh as I turn in my seat to see them both better.
Lyric is deep in thought, her small mouth quirked to the side. “I think I want to call you Blue,” she finally announces. “It’s my favorite color.”
“Mine too. I’ll see you two beautiful ladies tomorrow.” He leans across the car and gives me a quick kiss that leaves me wanting more. “I’ll call you later?”
I nod, wishing he didn’t have to stay in the hotel and could come home with us but I’m determined to set a good example for our daughter even if my body is not exactly on board with that plan.
“Will you call me later, too?” Lyric asks, which puts the biggest smile on Blue’s face.
“What time do you go to bed, darlin’?”
“At nine usually.”
“Then I’ll call you before then to say goodnight.”
“So?” I ask, glancing at Lyric in the rearview mirror on the drive home. “What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” She’s been quiet since Blue got out of the car, which could be good or bad.
“I like him. He’s not what I pictured as a dad. I think he might be better. He looks like someone on television.”
“He likes you a lot. He told me.”
“I like his hair and his earring. And all his tattoos. He’s fun to look at.”
I try to stifle a laugh. “I think he’s fun to look at, too.”
“I can’t believe he got me a real harp, Mom. Can I really take lessons?”
“Of course. All I have to do is call and make the appointments.”
“Is it okay if I don’t call him Dad like other kids do? I like Blue better.”
“Honey, you can call him Blue if you want to. We’re not going to force you to call him Dad.”
“Is he going to stay my dad now? From now on?”
Her words sting my heart. She shouldn’t have to be worrying if he’s going to leave her life. Little girls should be able to trust their fathers with all their heart and soul. Or at least I thought so until my own father ostracized me for an unplanned pregnancy and still refuses to get over it. I hope Blue can be better than that.
“He’s always going to be your dad, and he’s going to see you as much as he can. It won’t be every day, because he lives in a different state and he travels, but he told me he’ll see you as much as he can.”
“Shouldn’t we all live together? Now that you found him? Are you guys divorced like?”
God. Why couldn’t she ask these questions while he was still in the car?
“Well, we’ve never been married so we can’t be divorced. Remember, I told you he’s in a band and he has to travel to play concerts? That’s why we can’t live together.”
“But he’ll come see me?”
“I’m sure he will.”
Holy heck I’m glad she’s never been the mega-questioning type, because trying to come up with answers on the fly is like being on the witness stand. I don’t even know if I’ve given her the right answers. I want her to feel safe, but I don’t want to paint an unrealistic picture for her, either. I know Blue. Even though he’s been great the past few months, I’m still cautious when it comes to him because he could take a U-turn at any moment and disappear on one of his ‘walks.’
At exactly 8:45 my house phone rings, and Lyric vaults off the couch, scaring the heck out of Archie, who runs for cover down the hall. Probably to get revenge by barfing on my carpet.
“I’ll get it!” she yells, running to grab the phone from the kitchen. A few seconds later she’s wandering through the living room on her way to her bedroom, chattering away. I give her a few minutes of privacy before I check on her. She’s sitting on her bed telling Blue all about a TV show we were watching before he called.
“Do you want to talk to Mommy now?” she asks. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, too. Nighty night.” She holds the phone out. “He wants to talk to you now.”
Adorableness.
“Okay, you should get ready for bed now.” I lean down to kiss her and take the phone from her.
“Night, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Damn... this is so crazy surreal,” Blue says on the other end of the phone as I walk down the hall to the master bedroom. I close the door a few inches behind me.
“You doin’ okay?” I ask. “I know this is a lot to take in.”
“Yeah. It’s just crazy. Like bam. Now there’s this little girl who wants to talk to me.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“Hell yeah. She’s so damn cute. She’s like a tiny version of you,” he sighs. “It just blows my mind that she’s mine. It’s gonna take a while for that to really sink in. Right now I kinda feel like I’m dreaming all this.”
“Right after you got out of the car she started asking me questions. She wanted to know if you were going to be her dad from now on.”
“Shit. I’m such an asshole, Piper.” His voice deepens. “I fucked up so bad not being there for her.”
“Blue, we can’t change that. Be there from now on. That’s all you can do.”
“I will. I promise, babe. I’m not going to hurt her. I’d rather saw my own arm off.”
“She asked about us living together, too. I think she wants us to be like the families she sees on TV. I told her you have to travel a lot.”
“I’ll figure it out somehow. Ways to fit you guys into my schedule. I promise. I can do this.”
“We’ll take it one day at a time. I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed. I know you’re not going to be instant family man.”
“I know but after spending the day with both of you... fuck. It’s like I stepped through a door into a whole new world all of a sudden. And it’s scary as hell but I like it. Reece told me that once I actually saw her everything would change and damn, he was right.”
I sit on the floor with my back leaning against the bed and Archie immediately crawls onto my lap. “I like hearing you so happy,” I say softly. “And I’m so relieved you two got along so great.”
“It’s odd. I feel like I’ve always known her. Do you think that’s a parent thing? Like an instinct?”
I let out a lighthearted laugh. “Yeah, I think it just might be that.”
“I know I just spent the whole damn day with you but I miss you. I’m not gonna be good at not touching you. I’m not going to grope you in front of her or anything, but you know how I am with you, babe. I need to be able to touch you and kiss you or I’ll go crazy.”
“All right,” I relent, smiling from ear to ear. “Tomorrow we can touch a little more in front of her if you keep it clean.”
His sexy, deep laugh floats through the line. “I’m never gonna be clean, baby. But I’ll do my best.”
I don’t think I’d have him any other way.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lyric has been leaning over the back of the couch next to Archie, staring out the front window for half an hour waiting for Blue to arrive.
“He’s here!” she yells. “Can I let him in?”
“Of course.” I’m amused with how she runs to the front door and throws it open. I’m compelled to do the same since it’s been years since he’s come to my home, only this time I’m not going to let him leave to run an errand. I might even tie him to the bed.
Blue’s standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers in one hand, a big teddy bear tucked under his arm, a tray of coffees in his other hand, and a brown paper bag under his other arm.
“You look like a pack mule!” I say, running over to take the drinks and the brown bag from him as he steps inside.
“This is for you.” He hands the bear to Lyric, then extends the flowers to me. “And these are for you.”
“I love bears!” Lyric announces. “And Mom is always saying she never gets flowers like all the ladies at her office do.”
Blue leans down to plant a kiss on my heated cheek. “I’m glad no one is sending you flowers,” he whispers.
“They’re beautiful,” I reply. “Did you find the house okay?”
“Yeah, no problems at all.” He sweeps his gaze across the living room. “This is nice. You always have the nicest colors. All my walls are white.”