Resting is simply not going to happen until I find Blue and get the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with him about everything that’s happened over the past twenty-four hours and to assure him that I most definitely have not left him.

I can’t imagine why he would even think that when we’ve been so happy.

I pull up Reece’s number on my phone, and he picks up on the second ring. Reece’s phone is always charged.

“Hello?”

“Reece…hi…it’s Piper.”

“Hey…um…I was actually just about to call you—"

“Is Blue okay? I can’t get in touch with him and I’m worried.”

“Shit. That’s why I was calling you. He’s gone.”

My heart jolts and my head spins with dizziness. How can he be gone? Blue doesn’t do gone anymore.

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

“We can’t find him. All his stuff is in his room except for his favorite guitar. His phone is going straight to voicemail so I guess as usual his battery is dead.”

Everything just keeps getting worse. Blue could be traipsing around London right now with a dead cell phone and no way to charge it, which means there’s no way for me to get in touch with him when I need him now more than I ever have.

As if that’s not bad enough, while I was losing our baby he somehow jumped to the conclusion I had left him.

“Oh my God… I can’t believe this… did he say anything to any of you? Yesterday?”

“No, it was a quiet day, we were all kinda hanging out in our rooms alone trying to catch up on sleep. Everything was great. We had an interview this morning and he didn’t show. We told them he was sick and we had to do it without him. I have no fucking idea where he could be. I’ve looked everywhere. This is a big city, though, and he knows how to not be found.”

That’s an understatement.

“Reece.” I gulp for air and exhale in shaky breaths. “We have to find him. I have to talk to him as soon as possible.” Choking sobs start and I’m powerless to stop them.

“Whoa, Piper. Don’t cry. I’m sure he’s okay. I’ll keep looking for him, I promise. You know how he gets…he always turns up.”

“You don’t understand…something did happen…I think he freaked out because he couldn’t get in touch with me at all yesterday. I was in the hospital, and I wasn’t able to call him right away.”

“Wait—what? Are you okay? Please don’t cry, I can’t deal with it when women cry.”

“I’m sorry,” I sob, wiping at my face. “I’m just so scared.”

“Where are you now? Are you still in the hospital?”

“No…I’m home now. My best friend drove me home earlier.”

“So you’re all right?”

Am I all right? I don’t feel all right at all.

“I was twelve weeks pregnant,” I say softly. “And I lost the baby.”

He lets out a pained sound. “Ohh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

“Blue didn’t even know I was pregnant. I was waiting for him to come home to tell him about the baby, but then you guys ended up staying out there longer and I just didn’t want to tell him over the phone, I wanted to surprise him and....” Tears take over and my voice cracks and dies.

Reece breathes heavily into the phone. “Shit. I have to find him and get him home to you.”

“Do you really think he took off again?” I ask weakly. “Do you think he’s doing drugs again?”

“I don’t know, Piper. Blue does weird things. I’ve been keeping an eye on him and haven’t seen him do anything. Not a drop of alcohol, not even a joint. No bullshit, he was glad to be straight. He knows he can come to me about anything and I’ll be there for him. He promised if he ever felt like using again he’d come to me and let me handcuff his ass to me so I could watch him. That’s how bad he wanted to stay clean.”

“I’m so worried about him... I can’t even think straight. I’m sitting here shaking.”

“Look, my sister went through this a few years ago. You should be resting and not getting all worked up.”

Is he crazy?

“How can I rest when I don’t know where he is or if he’s okay or what’s going on? I’m afraid he’s going to disappear for months or years and I can’t live through that.”

“I get it, but you have to take care of you, too. He’s a big boy, and he’ll be okay. He’s probably just walking around like he does and believe me, I know that’s not helping you a fuckin’ bit, but what I’m saying is that I’m sure he’s fine, and I’m sure he won’t be gone for long. Right now you need to do your best to stay calm and take care of yourself until I can find his ass and get him to you.”

“I’m just so scared, Reece. I didn’t think he’d ever do this again, especially now when I need him the most. He left me a bunch of messages and for some crazy reason he thinks I left him. Why would he think that? He knows I would never, ever do that to him.”

“It’s just how his mind works. It’s not you. It’s his way of coping, as fucked up as it is.”

“I don’t know what to think,” I mutter, putting my face in my hand. “I just need him here.”

“I’ll find him, and I’ll make him call you as soon as I do. I’m gonna shove the phone right in his hand. I promise.”

“Okay.” I feel utterly hopeless. “I guess all I can do is just wait, then.”

“And rest. Rest, Piper.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’m really sorry about the baby. And I know if he had any clue about this, he never would have done this. He loves you.”

After we say goodbye, I change into my softest sweatpants and Blue’s T-shirt before crawling into bed to rest. Ditra will be picking up Lyric at school and keeping her overnight so I can have some alone time to get my head together.

I try to focus on as many of the positives as I can so I don’t get pulled under the wave of depression that’s looming at the edges of my mind and heart. Blue loves Lyric and me. He wouldn’t leave us. He probably just needed to think.

We’re all going to be okay.

Chapter Forty-Seven

“Baby, are you sick?” He kisses my forehead and strokes his thumb across my cheek. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I moan and turn my head to the side, begging sleep to take me away again.

“Piper, open your eyes for me.”

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, my mind sluggish and groggy. The bedroom is dim, and a glance toward the windows reveals the sun is no longer shining.

When did it become night time?

“Hey….” His voice is soft and laced with worry.

“Blue?” Confused, I reach for him and my hand lands on his leg.

How can he be here if he’s in London?

He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it. “I’m here.”

“How are you here? I couldn’t find you…” I move to sit up and a wave of dizziness slams my head back down on the pillow.

“I couldn’t find you either. I had a real bad feeling, so I jumped on a plane and here I am.” He leans down and kisses me softly. “I was really fuckin’ worried about you.”

“I was worried about you, too. Reece is looking for you.”

“Not anymore. I called him from a pay phone when I landed in Boston because my cell phone battery died yesterday. He said I had to talk to you right away.” He pushes his hair away from his face and looks at me intently. “What’s going on, Ladybug?”

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Tears leak from the corners of my eyes and drip down to my hairline.

“Where’s Lyric? Is she okay?”

“Yes. Ditra and Billy are taking her to a movie and she’s staying over at their house tonight.”

His brow creases. “Why’s she staying over there? They only live a few hundred feet away.”

I try to sit up again, and have to close my eyes for a moment to stop the room from spinning. He grabs my arms, and the worry on his face is tearing my heart up because I know it’s going to be a whole lot worse in a few moments.

“Piper, what’s going on? You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

I reach for his hand and lace our fingers tightly together.

“I have to tell you something. When you couldn’t get in touch with me yesterday I was actually in the hospital, and I—”

“You’re sick?” he asks, and his beautiful voice is already cracking with emotion and panic.

“No,” I say quickly. “No, I’m not sick. I really don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it, okay? Because I just don’t have the words…” His eyes are wild when he nods. “I had a miscarriage. I’m so sorry… I love you so much and I wanted this baby with all my heart…” Saying the words, and seeing the expression of pure shock and heartbreak on his face, is more than I can handle. I can’t hold back my tears for a second longer, and they stream down my cheeks like tiny rivers.