They are furious that someone is putting on a theatrical production—especially one that seems to involve hair—that might draw away THEIR audience.

And I can’t say I blame them.

But I am not about to volunteer the information that my GRANDMOTHER is the someone they’re all looking for. I mean, Amber Cheeseman is not the only person in this school who knows how to kill with a single blow of the heel of her hand. Some of those drama people…they know how to use swords and stuff. Like, in FENCING.

I do NOT need any rapiers to my heart, thanks very much.

Don’t even get me started on nunchucks.

What can Grandmère be thinking? What is Braid!?

And why can’t she ever just stay OUT OF MY LIFE??? It’s not like I don’t have ENOUGH problems, thank you very much. I mean, just this morning, when I went into Rocky’s bedroom to kiss him good-bye before I left for school, he pointed at me all happily and shrieked, “Tuck!”

Yes. My brother thinks I’m a truck.

WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THAT THIS MIGHT BE A POTENTIAL PROBLEM????

Thursday, March 4, U.S. Economics

Okay, so paying attention now:

The focus of economics is to understand the problem of scarcity. How do we fulfill the unlimited wants of humankind with the limited and/or scarce resources available?

This is called utility—the advantage or fulfillment a person receives from consuming a good or service.

The more the person or government consumes, the larger the total utility will be.

So Grandmère’s utility must be the biggest in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD.

Thursday, March 4, English

Oh my God. Lana knows.

I don’t know how she found out, but she knows. I know she knows because she came up to me in the hallway and went, “I know.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And she said it all knowingly. You know?

The thing is…I don’t know WHAT she knows. Does she know Grandmère is the one behind the rival show?

Or does she know about how I blew all the seniors’ money?

Or does she know about—gasp!—my fear that Michael is going to find out I’m not a party girl?

But how COULD she? I have confided this fear to no one—no one except Tina Hakim Baba, and telling her a secret is like telling it to a wall. She’d NEVER tell.

Especially not to LANA.

Still, whatever it is Lana knows, she says she won’t tell…

…but only if I meet her demands.

HER DEMANDS!!!

She says to meet her in the third-floor stairwell right after lunch, where she’ll tell me what she wants to maintain her silence.

I didn’t know the popular people knew about the third-floor stairwell. I thought that was the sole reserve of the geeks.

God, I wonder what she wants. What if she, like, wants to be my best friend?

Seriously! Like what if she wants me to pretend to like her so she gets HER picture in Us Weekly alongside mine? Or so she can come along to the next royal wedding I attend and schmooze with Prince William? You so know she’s just WAITING for a chance to get him alone so she can show him why her name is the one most often scrawled on the stall doors of the AEHS boys’ rooms (according to Boris).

But wait…what if that’s not it at all? What if she doesn’t want me to pretend to be her friend, but instead, she wants my resignation as president—so SHE can be president????

It’s totally possible. I mean, she never really DID get over my beating her in the election. I mean, she PRETENDED not to care—telling everyone after she lost, that being student body president is stupid anyway, and that she didn’t know what she was thinking, ever running for the post in the first place.

But what if she’s changed her mind? What if she doesn’t REALLY think it’s stupid after all, and wants my job?

Although would that necessarily be the worst thing? I mean, being president is a lot of work for basically nothing. I haven’t gotten even a single thank-you for the recycling bins.

And I know the signs on them are spelled wrong, but still.

Although if Lana demands my resignation, at least it will free up a bunch of time in my schedule. I mean, then maybe I’d have time to work on that book I’ve been meaning to start writing. I could expand “No More Corn!” into a novel. I could try to sell it to an actual publisher. I wouldn’t have to worry about The Guy Who Hates It When They Put Corn in the Chili reading it, either, because what high school kid has time to read books for pleasure? None.

And then I could be published, and go on Book TV and talk all knowledgeably about symbolism and stuff.

God. That would be so great.

But wait. Lana CAN’T take over being president, even if I resign. If I resign, Lilly, as VP, will get the job.

So that CAN’T be what Lana wants. She must want something else from me.

But what? I have NOTHING. She’s got to know that. Nothing except the throne of Genovia awaiting me at some date in the future…

Could THAT be what she wants? Not my throne but, like, my CROWN?

I can’t give my tiara away. My dad would kill me. It’s worth, like, a million bucks or something. That’s why Grandmère has to keep it in the vault at the Plaza.

WAIT—WHAT IF SHE WANTS MICHAEL???

But why would she? She never wanted him when he was here at AEHS. In fact, for some reason, she seemed to find him completely dorky and unappealing (has anyone ever BEEN as blind?).