Passion & Ponies

“I would pay to see that,” Uncle Drew adds.

“Eeeeew, seriously?” I ask in disgust.

“Dude, not you. That’s just gross,” he reassures me. “But Jenny? Totally. You should put Jenny on your site taking her clothes off. I’ve already got a few good shots of her ass on my cell phone I can send you.”

He pulls his cell phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and starts scrolling through his pictures. “Oh, man, I forgot about this one. Remember when we rented the dolphin costume and recorded that public service announcement?”

Aunt Jenny forgets about my site and her face lights up. “Yes! The pasa! That was so much fun!”

“What’s a pasa?” I ask in confusion, looking back and forth between them.

“She means PSA,” Uncle Drew tells me.

“Right. PSA. It’s pronounced pasa,” Aunt Jenny adds.

“It’s not pronounced anything, babe. It’s just called a PSA. It’s an acronym,” Uncle Drew explains.

“Do I even want to ask what this dolphin PSA is about?”

Uncle Drew sits down at the table next to Aunt Jenny and looks at me seriously. “It’s an epidemic that is spreading far and wide. People just have no idea what is happening right under their noses. It’s scary and dangerous and they need to be aware. Jenny and I took it upon our selves to educate the world. I can’t believe you haven’t seen the video. It’s been all over YouTube.”

Aunt Jenny nods and grabs Uncle Drew’s hands. “We read an article about it online and we just knew we had to do something. So, we made a video talking about the dangers of dolphin rape and we posted it online. We’ve received a ton of messages from people thanking us for our information.”

“I’m sorry, did you say dolphin rape? Like, what? Dolphins raping other dolphins?” I ask in confusion.

I know I’m going to regret asking this.

“What? No! That would just be silly. Ava, this is about dolphins raping people. Surely you’ve heard the news,” Uncle Drew adds.

“Every ninety-six seconds someone else is raped by a dolphin. Innocent men and women just enjoying a day at the beach and then BAM! A dolphin latches on and doesn’t let go. They may seem like sweet and innocent creatures but let me tell you, they are not,” Aunt Jenny says with a shiver.

Uncle Drew reaches over and wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. “Your aunt had a close call with a dolphin last year on vacation. She doesn’t like to talk about it very much.”

“It was the worst day of my life,” Aunt Jenny wails, burying her face in Uncle Drew’s shoulder.

Every day I wonder how in the hell my parents became friends with Aunt Jenny and Uncle Drew. Today, I am completely baffled.

“Um, wow. That’s… I don’t even know what to say about that,” I tell them, completely at a loss for words.

“It’s okay, not many people know how to handle a situation like this. It’s why we started D.R.A.W. It’s a place where people like your Aunt Jenny can meet once a week and talk about their horrific experiences,” Uncle Drew explains.

“And D.R.A.W. would stand for….” I prompt, even though I know I’m going to regret it.

“Dolphin Rape Awareness Workshop,” Aunt Jenny finishes for me. “Although the meetings don’t take place in a workshop. We just couldn’t think of another word that started with W.”

I’m not sure my brain can take much more information. I really need to bring this conversation back around to my reason for coming here.

“So, anyway. You said you could make some graphics for my site and make it look a little more professional?”

Aunt Jenny pushes away from Uncle Drew and sits up a little straighter. She turns back towards my laptop screen and studies it for a few seconds.

“Sure, no problem. It should only take me a few days. Just write down your password for me,” she tells me.

“Well, if you two ladies will excuse me, I have a meeting to get to,” Uncle Drew tells us, getting up from his chair and making his way to the front door.

“Meeting? What meeting? You didn’t mention that you had a meeting today,” Aunt Jenny says as she pushes a piece of paper and a pen towards me so I can write down my log-in information.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just have to see this guy… about a thing. Just… this… thing and a guy with a thing… that I need to see,” Uncle Drew stammers as he grabs his keys from the side table by their front door.

“Okay, well have a good time!” Aunt Jenny tells him brightly as he rushes out the front door.

I stare at her as she clicks away at my computer. After a few seconds she looks up at me questioningly. “What?”

“He has to see a ‘guy’ about a ‘thing’?” I repeat, using air quotes.

“That’s what he said.”

I continue to stare at her. “And you don’t think that sounds a little bit suspicious?”

“Suspicious how? He knows lots of guys who have things that need to be looked at,” she tells me seriously.

I decide to let it go for now, mostly because Uncle Drew isn’t here to act as interpreter while I’m talking to Aunt Jenny. I have more important things to worry about right now, like how I can find a way to make money on this website so I can quit working at Seduction and Snacks without giving my mom a heart attack.