Playing with Fire
West. I couldn’t wait to tell him about my role. He was going to be over the moon. Karlie too. And Grandma Savvy …
If she remembers who I am today.
“All right, I’ve got two back-to-back lectures and a wax appointment. See y’all at four o’clock. Be here and be queer!” Finlay finger-waved to his cast, swaggering up the stairs and out of sight. Everyone trickled out in clusters, chatting and laughing among themselves.
I lifted my head, coming face-to-face with Tess, who like me had stayed behind.
Her lips were pursed, her eyes clouded with anger. Disappointment marred her face with streaks of blotchy, red stains.
“Wow,” she breathed.
I smiled politely.
“Congratulations, I guess. Not sure where it is going to get you—it’s not like you’re about to win any Tony Awards with this … with this …”
“Face?” I completed the sentence for her gently. “So you keep remindin’ me. Let me give you a piece of advice, Tess. If you can’t change the outcome of somethin’, let it go.”
“I just think it’s so unfair. So … so selfish!” Tess threw her hands in the air, her shoulders slouched. “Historically speaking, the actress to play Blanche always soared and skyrocketed from obscurity. From off-Broadway shows to the West End, school plays, and even movies. Have you ever watched All about My Mother?” She slanted her head, throwing me a doubtful look. I couldn’t say that I had, so I offered her a shrug.
“That’s what I thought. The whole movie starts with the mother in the story. She is enamored with the actress who plays Blanche. Her love toward Blanche leads to terrible tragedy. Blanche is magic. Iconic. I was born to be her. And you …” She sucked in a breath. She buried her face in her palms, giving her head a desperate shake.
“You’ve already taken West. Look, I get it. You won. He’s yours. I don’t even care anymore. But you can’t take away Blanche, too. Please, Grace. This role can be it for me. It could open so many doors. For you, this is where it’s going to start … and end. You don’t even want to go onstage. Been avoiding it for as long as I’ve known you. You’ll never do anything with your acting career, and even if you wanted to, you have no chan …”
She looked away from me, knowing that she’d overstepped again. I knew the rest of the sentence. She began to pace the length of the room, her muscles long and tight.
“I’ll give you Stella’s role. I’ll hook you up with my agent. We could help each other! Yes!” She snapped her fingers together, beaming. “It’s going to be amazing. We’ll fix each other’s crowns. You know I’ve always been on your side.”
Did Tess really think just because she wasn’t actively mean to me, she’d been doing me a huge favor? I felt my fists clenching beside my body.
“No can do, Tess. In life, you have to let other people have their win. Failure builds you up or breaks you down. It’s your choice what to do with it.”
I uncurled my fists, tipping my chin up as I examined her beautiful, yet painfully vacant face.
“You’re going to take everything from me, huh? Not gonna stop until you break me?” she murmured.
“Are you kiddin’ me?” I seethed, losing patience. “You have the entire world at your feet. Everything I have—this role, West, life—has come to me after twice the work you put into things.”
“Exactly!” Tess growled with frustration, waving her hands around in front of my face. “Exactly that, Grace. Everything you’ll ever achieve will be hard-earned, if even possible, in the world of acting. It’s clear Professor McGraw gave you this role to cut a corner and let you pass. I’m the one who gets screwed over here. I’m the one who is losing the role of her life.”
The worst part was I knew Tess truly wasn’t a horrible person deep inside. She simply wanted all the things that I’d happened to accomplish. Up until this year, until West and Blanche happened, she was the nicest to me out of all my peers.
Until I was no longer invisible to everyone else.
Until I became her competition.
Until I won.
“Tess,” I whispered, narrowing my eyes. “I’m sorry you feel that way. But I’m not goin’ to give up the role to appease you. I won’t give up on my boyfriend either. I hope you come to your senses and realize you’re better than this.” I jerked my chin in her general direction. “Have a good rest of the day. I’ll see you at four.”
Turning around, I walked away, feeling her eyes on my back, like a rifle’s lens.
Nobody warned me what was going to happen when the phoenix finally burst up from the ashes, ridding its glorious, red-tipped wings of the heavy dust.
That there would be other monsters and creatures to fight along the way.
That despite having its freedom, there were still battles ahead.
And that all of them would be bloody.
Grace
After a tense rehearsal which consisted of Tess moping and quarreling with Finlay over every minor thing—the stage’s lighting, the late hour, her coffee-stained manuscript, and even the dang weather (“It’s too hot, can’t we continue tomorrow?”) I made my way to my pickup, emotionally drained.
I was so exhausted that I resorted to texting West the good news about my role, which I was growing more and more excited about. I didn’t have it in me to pick up when he called. I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm that the conversation deserved. I promised myself I’d bring him a hearty sandwich tomorrow, made from scratch, and tell him about what had happened with Professor McGraw at length.
I parked in front of my house, walking in to the sound of a commotion upstairs. My back stiffened. Marla was yelling, and the persistent rattle of a wooden door echoed through the house.
“Open up, you old bat. I ain’t asking again. I’ll call Sheriff Jones and have him kick this thing down. You’re puttin’ yourself in real danger here!”
Lord, what now?
I dumped my backpack at the landing, racing up the stairs. Rounding the corner to the hallway, I spotted Marla pounding her fists on the bathroom door, her face flushed and hair a mess. Her fists were pink and swollen.
“Savannah!” Her roar almost blew the roof to the sky. “Open up right this second!”