Precarious

He’s got the smile of all smiles on his face as he approaches her, dimples and all. When he reaches her, his arms encircles her waist and he flings her around, causing an angelic little squeal to leave her lips as she wraps her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Her lips slide over his, rather quickly, but it’s a kiss all the same. He grins, pressing a kiss to her head, on top of the one she just gave him. Jealously punches me in the chest like a hammer, and I find myself backing up.

I need to get out of here.

I turn and rush back into the house, dodging bikers as I go. I run through the building, and straight out the back, heading down the yard until I find a thick cluster of trees to disappear into. I lower myself, squatting on the floor and capturing my head in my hands. I steady my breathing, telling myself to stop it.

You said no to him.

You said no.

I know my jealousy is uncalled for, but I didn’t say no to Krypt because I didn’t want him. God, I barely know him, but the raw fact of the matter is I do want him, more than I’d first thought. This is all too much. Everything is too much. This wasn’t meant to happen to me. God dammit, it wasn’t meant to happen.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I hear Santana’s voice, but I don’t look up.

“Ash.”

She kneels down, placing a hand on my back.

“I’m okay,” I pant, but I can’t catch my breath.

Don’t have a panic attack now, Ash. Breathe.

In.

Out.

I can’t catch up. Everything from the past week catches up on me, hitting my chest like a sledgehammer. I sob loudly, tears streaming down my face as I struggle to breathe.

“Shit,” Santana says. “Ash, breathe.”

I sob loudly again, rocking backwards and forwards on my heels, thumping my chest to try and get my lungs to work.

“Just hang on.”

She gets up and rushes off, even though I attempt to squeak out a no. I don’t want anyone to see me like this. I don’t want them to witness my pathetic breakdown. I stand and stumble further into the trees, gasping for air as I go. My eyes are blurred with my tears, and so much is running through my mind.

Krypt.

Penny.

Tristan.

Death.

Trapped.

I begin singing in a wobbly voice. My doctor taught me this method years ago when I first started having panic attacks. It helps; it forces my lungs to strain and work. I sound like a hysterical loon as I stammer out the words to Taylor Swifts “Sparks Fly”. I hear boots crunching, and then I hear Krypt’s, “Fuck.”

I shake my head and keep singing. My entire body shakes and tears thunder down my cheeks. Krypt’s arms go around me, and he crushes me against his chest. His hand goes to the back of my neck, holding me close, pressing me against him so he’s all I can feel.

“I got you,” he says gruffly.

I keep singing, keeping my eyes clamped shut. Krypt holds me there, rocking me just slightly as I have a complete mental breakdown. I cry for everything, but mostly I cry because I’m such a goddamned idiot. I should have never befriended Krypt. I should have just left it. Left it all alone.

“Breathe for me, Ash,” he says, squeezing the back of my neck. “Come on.”

I struggle to take a breath, my lungs seizing the moment I try to fill them.

“Come on baby,” he encourages. “Big breath.”

I open my mouth and gasp. It’s not much, but it’s air.

“That’s my girl. Keep going.”

I do it again and again until my shaking has subsided, and only my tears continue. Krypt pulls my head from his chest, taking hold of my chin. He forces me to look at him. I blink away my tears as I try to focus on his gorgeous, rugged face.

“You with me?” he asks.

I nod.

“What the fuck happened?”

I dart my eyes away.

“You saw Penny, didn’t you?”

I don’t look back.

“Fuck, Ash.”

Now I feel like an idiot.

“You care about me?” he says, his voice low and husky.

I refuse to answer that. Instead I croak out, “I don’t know you.”

“Stop your shit, and answer the damned fuckin’ question.”

I don’t. I won’t.

“Fuck, you’re a stubborn woman.”

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. “It wasn’t that. It was . . . it was just everything.”

He knows I’m lying. I know I’m lying. Neither of us say anything.

“Come inside. I’ll give you a shot of whiskey. It’ll sort you out.”

He pulls me to my feet and leads me through the trees.

“Krypt?” I whisper.

He stops and turns to look at me, his eyes zoning in on mine.

“Thank you.”

He gives me a jerky nod, and we continue on through the trees.

When we get inside he takes me to the bar, and hands me a damp cloth and a shot of whiskey. I wipe my face before swallowing the shot. He hands me another one, his eyes firmly on mine. I take it, too, before looking up at him. He studies my face, his expression unreadable.

Neither of us gets the chance to speak before Penny appears beside him. God, she’s even more beautiful up close.

“There you are.” She smiles at him.

Krypt drags his eyes from me, and smiles down at the girl, who could only be around twenty-three, or twenty-four.

“Penny, I want you to meet Ash.”

My eyes widen. Not what I was expecting. I probably look like a snotty mess. I wipe my face again before plastering a smile on my face.