I don't know who was the most surprised when Michael suddenly came to my defence against his sister - Lilly, Judith Gershner, or me.

'Just because Mia doesn't go around shouting about how she feels in the third-floor hallway,' Michael said, 'doesn't mean she isn't in touch with her emotions.'

How does he do that? How is it that he is able to magically put into words exactly what I feel but seem to have so much

trouble saying? This, you see, is why I love him. I mean, how could I not?

'Yeah,' I said triumphantly, to Lilly.

'Well, you could have said something back to him.' Lilly always gets disgruntled when Michael comes to my rescue especially when he does it while she is attacking me about the lack of honesty in my emotional life. 'Instead of just leaving him hanging there.'

'And what,' I demanded - injudiciously, I now realize -'should I have said to him?'

'How about,' Lilly said, 'that you love him back?'

WHY? That's all I want to know. WHY was I cursed with a best friend who doesn't understand that there are some things you just don't say in front of EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE GIFTED AND TALENTED CLASSROOM, INCLUDING HER BROTHER????

The problem is, Lilly has never been embarrassed about anything in her life. She simply does not know the meaning of the

word embarrassment.

'Look,' I said, feeling my cheeks begin to burn. I couldn't lie, of course. How could I lie, considering what I now know about my nostrils? OK, Lilly hadn't figured it out yet, but it was only a matter of time.

'I really and truly value Kenny's companionship,' I said carefully. 'But love. I mean, love. That is a very big thing. I'm not, I mean, I don't. . . '

I dribbled off pathetically, acutely aware that everyone in the room, but most especially Michael, was listening.

'I see,' Lilly said, narrowing her eyes. 'Fear of commitment.'

'I do not fear commitment,' I insisted. 'I just—'

But Lilly's dark eyes were already shining in eager anticipation. She was getting ready to psychoanalyze me - one of her favourite hobbies, unfortunately.

'Let's examine the situation, shall we?' she said. 'I mean, here you've got this guy going around the hallways screaming about how much he loves you, and you just stare at him like a rat caught in the path of the D train. What do you suppose that means?'

'Have you ever considered,' I demanded, 'that maybe the reason I didn't tell him I love him back is because I—'

I almost said it. Really. I did. I almost said that I don't love Kenny.

But I couldn't. Because if I'd said that, somehow it would have gotten back to Kenny and that would be even worse than my breaking up with him. I couldn't do it.

So all I said instead was, 'Lilly, you know perfectly well I do not fear commitment. I mean, there are lots boys I—'

'Oh, yeah?' Lilly seemed to be enjoying herself way more than usual. It was almost as if she was playing to an audience.

Which, of course, she was. The audience of her brother and his girlfriend. 'Name one.'

'One what?'

'Name a boy that you could see yourself committing to for all eternity.'

'What do you want - a list?' I asked her.

'A list would be nice,' Lilly said.

So I drew up the following list:

Guys Mia Thermopolis Could See Herself Committing To for All Eternity

1. Wolverine of the X-men.

2. That Gladiator guy.

3. Will Smith.

4. Tarzan from the Disney cartoon.

5. The Beast from Beauty and the Beast.

6. That hot soldier guy from Mulan.

7. The guy Brendan Fraser played in The Mummy.

8. Angel.

9. Tom on Daria.

10. Justin Baxendale.

But this list turned out to be no good, because Lilly totally took it and analyzed it, and it works out that half the guys on it are actually cartoon characters; one is a vampire, and one is a mutant who can make spikes shoot out of his knuckles.

In fact, except for Will Smith and Justin Baxendale - the good-looking senior who just transferred from Trinity and who a lot

of girls at Albert Einstein High School are already in love with — all the guys I listed are fictional creations. Apparently, the

fact that I could list no guy I had a hope of actually getting together with - or who even lives in the third dimension — is indicative of something.

Not, of course, indicative of the fact that the guy I like was actually in the room at the time, sitting next to his new girlfriend,

and so I couldn't list him.

Oh, no. Nobody thought of that.

No, the lack of actual attainable men on my list was apparently indicative of my unrealistic expectations where men are concerned, and further proof of my inability to commit.

Lilly says if I don't lower my expectations somewhat I am destined for an unsatisfactory love life.

As if the way things have been going, I've ever expected anything else.

Kenny just tossed me this note:

Mia -I'm sorry about what happened today in the hattway. I understand now that I embarrassed you. Sometimes 1 forget that even though you are a princess, you are still quite introverted. 1 promise never to do anything of the sort again. Can 1 make it up to you by taking you to lunch at 'Big Wong on Thursday? - Kenny

I said yes, of course. Not just because I really like Big Wong's steamed vegetable dumplings, or even because I don't want people thinking I fear commitment. I didn't even say yes because I suspect that, over dumplings and hot tea, Kenny is finally going to ask me to the Non-Denominational Winter Dance.