But no one seems to worry about the mental health of the children, do they? So when I came back into my room just now

and picked up the phone, Lilly was still going on about Boris. Really. It's like she doesn't even know I was gone.'. . . but I

just never appreciated what we had together until it was gone,' she's saying.

'Uh-huh,' I go.

'And now I am going to grow old and die a spinster with maybe some cats or something. Not that there is anything wrong

with that, because, of course, I don't need a man to be fulfilled as a human being, but still, I always pictured myself with a

live-in lover at the very least. . .'

'Uh-huh,' I go. I just now noticed to my extreme annoyance that Rommel has decided to use my backpack as his own

personal bed. Also that Grandmere has very cavalierly draped her sleep mask over one of my Disney Princess snowglobes.

'And I know that I took him for granted and never even let him get to second base, but seriously, he can't really think Tina is going to let him, can he? I mean, she is fully the type of girl who will demand a marriage proposal at the very least before she even lets him look under her shirt. . .'

Ooooh. This conversation suddenly got very interesting. 'Really? You and Boris never got to second base?'

'Well, it never really came up,' Lilly said, sounding very forlorn.

'What about you and Jangbu?'

Silence on the other end of the phone. Guilty silence, though. I could tell.

Still, it's good to know she and Boris never engaged in any full-frontal chestal activities. I mean, it will make Tina happy ... as soon as I can get off the phone with Lilly and tell her, I mean.

I wonder if Michael and I will get to second base tomorrow night... after all, I'll be wearing my first strapless gown.

And it IS the prom . . .

Saturday, May 10, 7 a,m.

One would think that a PRINCESS would get to sleep in on the day of her first PROM.

BUT OH NO.

Instead of being wakened to the sound of birdsong, like princesses in books, I was wakened to the sound of Rommel

shrieking as Fat Louie beat him senseless for getting into his bowl of Fancy Feast.

I am having a hard time summoning up any real sympathy for Rommel. After all, if it weren't for his behaviour on my birthday, he wouldn't be in this position right now. Although it is wrong to think Rommel could really have behaved any differently. He didn't exactly ASK Grandmere to bring him along to my birthday dinner. And it is clear to me now, having lived with him for several days, diat Rommel, more than anyone I know, suffers from Asperger's syndrome.

Oh, God. I can hear the Gorgon stirring even now . . .

Maybe if I go grab my prom dress and run out of the door now, I can hightail it uptown to Tina's and prepare for my Big Night in the relative privacy of her place . . .

Oh, my God. That's it. That's exactly what I'll do! Why didn't I think of it before? I hate to leave my mom and Mr G alone with Grandmere all day again, but really, what choice do I have? THIS IS THE PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If ever there was a time for emergency action, this is it.

Saturday, May 10, 2 p.m.

Well, I did it. I escaped from Casa Horrifico.

Tina and I are safely ensconced in her room, having our pores unclogged by heat-action mud masks. We just had our nails done at Miz Nail down the street (well, I basically just had my cuticles done, since I don't really have any nails) and, in a little while, Mrs. Hakim Baba's hairdresser is coming over to do our coiffures.

This is so how you are supposed to spend your Prom Day: beautifying yourself instead of listening to your mother and your grandmother bicker over who drank the last of the PediaLyte (Grandmere, it turns out, likes it with a splash of vodka).

Of course, I feel badly that my mother doesn't get to share in this very important day in my formative development as a

woman. However, she has more important things to worry about. Such as gestating. And doing her breathing exercises, to keep herself from killing Grandmere.

Reports from the strike negotiations are not promising. Last time we turned on New York One, the Mayor was urging all

New Yorkers to stock up on staples such as bread and milk, since we were no longer going to be able to turn to our local Chinese restaurants or pizzerias for sustenance.

Really, I don't know what Mr. G and Mom and Grandmere are going to eat without delivery from Number One Noodle Son. They'd better hope they can pick up some prepared food at Jefferson Market. . .

Not that any of that is my concern. Not today. Because today, the only thing I am going to worry about is looking beautiful for the prom.

Because today, I am just like any other girl on her prom day. Today, I am a

PROM

PRINCESS !!!!!

Saturday, May 10, 8 p.m., in the limo on the way to the prom

Oh, my God, I am so excited I can barely contain myself. Tina and I look FABULOUS, even if I do say so myself. When

the boys see us — we are meeting them at the prom, as they had to go early to set up - they are going to PLOTZ. Of course,

it does suck a little that Tina and I, instead of just having adorable little beaded clutches at our sides, have to bring along a couple of bodyguards. Seriously. They never mention this in the Seventeen Magazine prom issue. You know: How to Accessorize Your Bodyguard.

You should have heard Lars and Wahim grousing about having to get into tuxes. But then I reminded them that Mademoiselle Klein was going to be there, and that to my certain knowledge she was going to be wearing a dress with a slit up the side.