“Somebody’s been studying up on their vocab,” is what I said to Trisha. Because of her use of the word “decimate.”

But that’s not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was, “IT WASN’T ME!!!! I DIDN’T DO IT!!!! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT PIT MEANS!!!!!”

But I couldn’t. Because everyone was looking at us. Including Mr. Harding. Who took five points off Trisha’s homework for not being in her seat by the time the bell rang.

“You can’t do that,” Trisha had the bad judgment to say to him.

“Uh,” Mr. Harding said. “Excuse me, Miss Hayes, but yes, I can.”

“Not for long,” Trisha said. “When my friend Lana is student council president, she’s going to abolish tardy demerits.”

“And what do you have to say about that, Miss Thermopolis?” Mr. Hardy wanted to know. “Is abolishing tardy demerits part of your campaign strategy, as well?”

“Um,” I said. “No.”

“Really?” Mr. Harding looked way interested. Except that I think he was only interested because he found the whole thing vaguely hilarious. On some weird teacher level. “And why is that?”

“Um,” I said, feeling my ears starting to turn red. That’s because I could tell that everyone in the entire class was staring at us. “Because I thought I might concentrate on stuff that actually matters. Like the lack of choice in vegetarian entrées in the cafeteria. And the cameras they’ve installed outside by Joe, which are a violation of our right to privacy. And the fact that some of the teachers around here don’t grade objectively.”

And to my VERY great surprise, some of the people in the back of the room started to clap. Really. Like that slow clap they do in the movies, the kind where everybody eventually joins in, until it turns into fast clapping.

Only Mr. Harding nipped it in the bud before it ever turned to fast clapping by going, “All right, all right, that’s enough of that. Turn to page twenty-three and let’s get started.”

Oh, my God. This presidential thing has gotten WAY out of hand.

Syllogism = argument of the form a b (first premise) b c (second premise)

Therefore: a c (conclusion)

WHATEVER. Why did she have to use the one of me with my SCEPTER??? I look like a total freak in that one.

Note to self: Look up “decimate.”

Thursday, September 10, English

LILLY!!! WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE POSTERS????

Where do you think I got them? And stop yelling at me!

I’m not yelling. I’m very calmly asking…Did you get those posters from my grandmother?

Yes, of course I did. What do you think, I paid for them myself? Do you have any idea how much full-color posters that size cost? I could have used up the entire annual budget for Lilly Tells It Like It Is on the copy setting alone!

But I thought you hated Grandmère! Why would you do something like that? Like let my grandmother be involved in this?

Because in case you haven’t noticed, this election is important to me, Mia. I REALLY want us to win. We HAVE to win. It’s the only way we’re going to save this school from becoming a completely fascist state under the tyrannical reign of Gutless Gupta.

But, Lilly. I DON’T WANT TO BE STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT.

Don’t worry. You won’t be.

THAT MAKES NO SENSE! I mean, Lilly, I know everyone just assumed Lana is going to win because she wins everything, but things are getting really weird. In Geometry today, I said something about those cameras outside being a violation of our right to privacy, and someone started CLAPPING for me.

It’s happening. Just like I KNEW it would!

What’s happening?????

Never mind. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s great. It’s so NATURAL. I could never be that natural.

BUT I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING!

That’s what’s so great about it. Now come on, pay attention to this. You need to know this stuff, if you’re going to be a writer, and all.

Lilly. Is there going to be a debate? Because Grandmère said something about a debate.

Shhhh. Pay attention. Hey, what’s going on with my brother, anyway? Are you two really Doing It?

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT! IS THERE GOING TO BE A DEBATE?????

LILLY!!!!

LILLY!!!!!!!!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!

I don’t think Lilly’s going to answer you. Is there anything I can do?

Oh. Hi, Tina. No. Just…well, you wouldn’t be willing to get your bodyguard to shoot me, would you? Because I’d really appreciate it.

Um, Wahim’s not allowed too shoot anyone unless they’re trying to kidnap me. You know that.

I know. But I still wish I were dead.

I’m so sorry. The election thing?

That, and Michael, and everything else.

Did you and Michael have that talk like I told you to?

No. When could we have had a talk? I never get to see him anymore because he’s always in class, learning new ways we’re all going to die. And you can’t talk about Doing It—or, in this case, NOT Doing It—over the phone, or IMing. It’s kind of a face-to-face topic.

That’s true. So when are you going to talk about it?

Saturday, I guess. I mean, that’s the earliest we’re going to see each other.

Good! Don’t you love Ms. M in those totally adorable culottes! Who knew culottes could even BE adorable?

You know, someone could be wearing culottes and still not be…um, right.