Princess in Training

Okay, I HAVE to say it. What kind of school is Michael going to, anyway?

SKINNERBX: Anyway. So are your mom and Mr. G still going away this weekend?

FTLOUIE: Yes. They’re making me stay with GRANDMÈRE.

SKINNERBX: Harsh. Your own room?

FTLOUIE: Of COURSE! Same floor, though. I hope I won’t still be able to hear her snore through the walls.

SKINNERBX: Does your dad have bodyguards posted in the actual hallway on that floor? Or are they just in neighboring rooms?

God, he asks the strangest questions sometimes. Boys are so WEIRD.

FTLOUIE: Lars and those guys stay on the floor below.

SKINNERBX: Are there security cameras?

The Moscovitz family is totally security camera paranoid these days.

FTLOUIE: No, there are no security cameras. Well, I mean, the hotel probably has them. Like in Maid in Manhattan. But not the RGG.

RGG is short for Royal Genovian Guard, which is what Lars is a member of.

FTLOUIE: What’s with all the questions, anyway? You planning on sneaking up there to steal the crown jewels? You already have a moon rock. What more do you want? Ha ha.

SKINNERBX: Ha ha. Yeah, no, I was just wondering. So, you’re still coming over Saturday, right?

FTLOUIE: It is the only thing I have to look forward to in my WHOLE LIFE RIGHT NOW.

SKINNERBX: I know. I miss you, too.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I mean, seriously. It may not be very feminist of me, but I love it when he says—or writes—stuff like this. Actually, writing is better because then I have actual proof, you know. That he loves me.

Then I heard a familiar sound.

FTLOUIE: Michael, I have to go. Rocky patrol.

SKINNERBX: Gotcha. Over and out.

You know, I really think Lana is wrong. Not ALL college boys expect their girlfriends to Do It. Because Michael hasn’t said a SINGLE word to me about it.

And once, after he paid for a couple of slices at Ray’s Pizza, he left his wallet on the table and I looked all through it—while he was in the men’s room—because I was curious about what boys keep in their wallets, and here is what I found:

Forty-eight dollars MetroCard Hayden Planetarium membership card School ID Driver’s license Forbidden Planet Comic Superstore discount card NYC Public Library card

But no condom.

Which just goes to show, my boyfriend clearly has other things on his mind than sex.

Such as the future energy crisis. And potential global disasters caused by supervolcanoes.

Which is a lot more than Lilly can say about Boris.

I mean, Tina.

Whoever.

Maybe Michael and I won’t ever even HAVE to have The Talk.

Friday, September 11, PE

I hate her so much.

Friday, September 11, Geometry

Seriously, where does she get off?

Theorem = statement that is proved by reasoning deductively from already accepted statements.

She only said it to get under my skin.

Right?

Because it can’t be true. It CAN’T be.

Can it?

Friday, September 11, English

What was THAT about?????

What? Oh, the pom-pom squeezy thing? What do I want with a stupid squeezy thing shaped like a pom-pom that says VOTE FOR LANA on it? I hate Lana. Do you have any idea what she said to me today in PE? IN FRONT OF LILLY????

What?????

She said college boys whose girlfriends won’t Do It with them dump them for girls who will.

SHE DID NOT.

Oh, yes, she did. Right there in the shower. Right in front of everyone. In front of Lilly. Who’ll tell Michael now.

She won’t! Why would she?

Because he’s her brother.

She won’t. Some things you don’t tell your brother. Believe me, Mia, I have a brother. I know.

Tina. Your brother is three years old.

Okay, but whatever. Lilly won’t tell Michael. Anyway…what did she say when she heard?

She told Lana to cram it up her gym shorts.

See??? I told you.

Still!!!! You know what ELSE she said? Lana, I mean. She said boys HAVE to Do It, because if they don’t, it all backs up in there, and they go crazy.

Wait…what backs up in where?

YOU KNOW. Think Health and Safety. Last year.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! And it doesn’t. Back up, I mean. Or Mr. Wheeton would have said so.

But it would explain why boys whose girlfriends don’t Do It have to dump them and find girls who will. Tina, what if it’s true???? What if Lana knows something we don’t know????

There’s a simple way to find out. Did you talk to Michael about it?

NOT YET!!! I TOLD YOU!!!!

Well, when you see him tomorrow, you’ll talk about it, and you’ll realize—

CAN YOU BELIEVE SHE IS STANDING OUT THERE, GIVING AWAY THESE STUPID THINGS???? She must have spent a FORTUNE on them. And look how cheap they are, you can scrape the VOTE FOR LANA part right off. It’s probably lead-based paint, too. I should give OSHA a call. Anyway, Mia, don’t feel inadequate. I put a call in to your grandmother, and it’s all under control. We’re going to find something for you to give away, too.

LILLY!!! I DON’T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY!!! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO BE PRESIDENT!!!

Don’t worry, you won’t be.

YOU KEEP SAYING THAT, LILLY, AND YET EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING ELSE TO HELP ME WIN, LIKE CALLING MY GRANDMOTHER AND GETTING HER TO GIVE AWAY FREE THINGS TO KIDS TO GET THEM TO VOTE FOR ME!!!!

Oooh, could you get Mia’s grandma to give away free tiaras? Because I would totally take one!

We can’t give away tiaras, Tina. It’s not in the budget. I’m looking into tiara-shaped squeezy things like Lana has, though.