Pull

I jumped onto the moving carousel and quickly made my way to the seal. The little sign in the middle of the carousel said Only one rider per animal. To her right was a frog. I shrugged. I could ride a frog. I made my way toward the frog, and that same little Darth Vader kid, cut me off and stole my animal!

I gritted my teeth and looked to her other side.

A freaking unicorn.

I lifted my eyes heavenward and moved to the pink unicorn, praying that the parents and kids didn’t shoot a video of this and send it to TMZ.

Muffling curses, I jumped on the unicorn and looked at Alyssa. She was dying laughing. I soon joined in, but the little Darth Vader kid, AKA Satan, started yelling.

“He’s not wearing his seatbelt!”

“Fine.” I gave him a tight smile and wrapped the seatbelt around me. I still couldn’t figure out why carousels had seatbelts. I mean, if you were going to fall off of it, you’d still fall. You’d just slide to the side of the animal and look all kinds of inappropriate.

That’s all I needed. A picture of me humping the unicorn.

That would go over really well with concert sales.

“See.” Alyssa leaned over and touched my knee. I was suddenly very thankful for the seatbelt, because her touch jolted me so much I nearly fell off the damn horse. “This is fun, isn’t it?”

I laughed. “It’s fun, because you’re fun. Don’t for one second think I like riding a unicorn.”

“You kind of do,” she argued.

I looked down. Okay, so it was kind of fun. “No, I don’t.”

“Then why you are smiling?”

“For the kids.” I nodded. “I want to be a good sport.”

“You’re a god among men,” she agreed.

I felt myself blush. Crap, I hadn’t blushed for a girl. Ever.

“Thanks, Lyss. You’re right, this is fun.”

“I’m sorry, what?” She cupped her ear.

I threw my head back and laughed, then shouted. “This is the best day of my life!”

Much to the amusement of several little kids who joined in and began clapping.

Alyssa laughed, her shoulders shaking with amusement. As we got off of the carousel, she reached for my hand.

I held it the entire way to her car.

“So will I see you tomorrow?” I asked, feeling like a complete and total fool for wanting her as much as I did.

“I have to work.”

“Me too.” I shrugged. “I also gotta talk to Mrs. Murray. She said something about doing group twice a week if we survive our first meeting without killing one another.”

Alyssa tensed.

“It would be healthy for you, Alyssa.” The rain was coming down lightly now, a few drops landed on her cheek before she could wipe them away. She sniffed and looked away from me.

“Just think about it, okay?”

“Okay.” She leaned up and kissed my cheek.

Chapter Fifteen

Alyssa

The next day at work the shop was deserted, but Sundays were always like that. Once everyone got out of church it would be bustling with activity again. For now, it was dead, and I was irritated. The silence left me way too much time to think about group and Demetri.

I hated how easily I let my walls fall down when I was around him. Something about him made me want to be vulnerable, and it was terrifying. I picked up some of the taffy samples and popped a few in my mouth.

It made me smile.

“What are you grinning about?” My dad came around the corner with a few bags of mixed taffy in hand.

I shrugged. “Nothing, just happy.”

He dropped the taffy onto the counter, his eyes narrowing in inspection. “Are you on drugs?”

I burst out laughing. “Really Dad? Have I been that depressing to live with these past few years?”

His eyes dropped to the counter. “I’ve been worried.”

Sighing, I walked over to him and put my hand across his. I hated this part. Where I was supposed to tell him that everything was fine, and I was just going through a phase. I had repeated this conversation so many times aloud over the past few years that it was second nature.

But today was different.

I swallowed and fought the warm tears as I answered. “It’s been really hard.”

“I know, baby.” He immediately pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take the pain away, make it better.”

I sighed into his shirt. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either.”

He didn’t know it. But it was my fault. If I hadn’t been distracting Brady, he would have never pulled over, and if he wouldn’t have pulled over he would still be alive. He’d be playing football at Boise State. I shrugged in an effort to brush him off. I couldn’t talk about it, not with him.

“Shift’s almost over. Is it okay if I leave early and go to the beach?” I patted my dad’s back and walked around him.

“Of course. Have fun, keep your cell on, okay?”

“Always.” I smiled, grabbed my purse, and quickly left the store. Cool air met me, and I was finally able to breathe without feeling like I was suffocating. I reached into my purse for one of my anti-anxiety meds.

I hated having to rely on pills to get me through the day.

I played with the pill bottle and decided against taking one.

Instead, I walked the boardwalk and listened to the waves. People walked by me, some waved, others were holding hands.