Quintessentially Q

Franco’s emerald eyes flashed back to me, glittering with ferocity. “You did this?” He shook his head, fingers scrambling at the bindings around Q’s bleeding ankles. “How could you?”

My lungs lodged in my throat; I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t justify what I’d done or even remember how it happened. All I knew was I no longer existed in a lifeless void. I now lived in an eternity of self-regret and pain. I’d been given closure and revenge on White Man and what happened in Rio, but I would take that agony all over again if it meant Q wasn’t lying lifeless and ruined by my hand.

“Q! Please, Q.” I scrambled to my feet, wringing my hands as Franco undid Q’s wrists and gently brought his hands to rest by his sides. Q winced and groaned as Suzette rushed forward with one of the discarded sheets, placing it over him.

Suzette never took her eyes off me, raining with sorrow and disbelief. “Why, Tess. Why? After everything he’s done for you.”

I rushed forward. I had to hold him. Tell him how sorry I was. But Franco shoved me back. “I think you’ve done more than enough, don’t you?”

“But… I have to f—fix this. I didn’t mean to. You have t—to believe me!” My body shook with wracking sobs—I’d never cried so hard. Not when I was raped or kidnapped or made to do such horrendous things. I cried as if my soul would explode from my body at any moment and leave me dead on the carpet.

Turned out I wouldn’t die from guilt, but from a broken heart.

Q groaned softly, licking his broken lips. “Le—let her be.”

Suzette cried harder while Franco spun to face him, ducking lower to hear. “I’ll call the doctor. We’ll get you help.” He ordered Suzette, “Go and get Dr. Peterson in here. Now.”

Suzette blanched white with shock, but she did as she was told, flying out of the room.

My heart stabbed with self-loathing and my legs wobbled as I darted past Franco to reach the bed. My eyes locked with Q’s and I wailed.

The last barrier unlocked inside, letting forth all the wrongness left inside me. I awoke from the final haze of vacancy, my tower tumbled to the ground in a clatter of rubble, and my mind swarmed with everything that I’d done.

“Q!” I threw myself on the bed, wincing at his cool skin, his sticky blood. Franco wrenched me off. “Get away.” Looping his arms around my chest, he hauled me backward, heading toward the exit.

“No! I need to stay. I need to fix this.” But his grip never yielded. I scrambled at the doorframe.

“Wait,” a thready voice demanded.

Franco froze; I trembled in his locked embrace. “Q. I’m so sorry. I don’t know. I don’t—”

Q sucked in a breath, hoisting himself up to rest on his elbows. Tracks of tears smudged the blood on his face. He smiled so sweetly, so full of unconditional love, I broke further in Franco’s arms.

“Bring her here,” Q ordered.

After a pause, Franco scooped me up and took me to Q. He placed me on the bed. I could barely see through my tears. I couldn’t breathe properly from crying so hard, but Q gingerly put his arm around me, holding me weakly against his beaten body. “I forgive you. I did it for you. Don’t cry.”

The unequivocal acceptance set a denotation in my stomach. It mushroom-clouded until it filled my chest, my throat, until it erupted in my brain. The sobs battered me harder, granting a perfect release.

Q pressed his lips against my forehead, murmuring, “Je t’aime, Tess. Je t’aime.” I love you.

Pain squeezed; I sucked in air, but I was suffocated by the overpowering need to purge.

I cried like I’d never cried before.

Burrowing deep into Q’s side, I let go of everything.

I drenched the bed and let my soul free.

I sobbed myself into nightmares.

*****

“You’re hereby sentenced to life in prison. You almost beat a man to death. Your lover. The one you’re supposed to protect and adore above all else. What do you have to say for your crimes?”

The magistrate with his big overzealous white wig glared down at me. I stood on a tiny podium with rolling waves of magma and lava licking at my ankles. It burned, and I knew I would suffer flames and incarnation for eternity.

“I have nothing to say. I did what you said. I deserve to be punished forever.”

The magistrate nodded, looking down his nose. “And forever you shall suffer. You will never love, never be happy. Your smiles will always be laced with sadness, your heart always layered with grief.”

I bowed my head, wanting to hurl myself into the lava. To end my misery, end my shitty life where I hurt so many. “Yes. Punish me. Make me suffer.”

“A thousand years in hell. Where you will rot in fire.” The gravel came down.

A black shadow swirled in like a nasty typhoon, snuffing out the waves of fire and stealing the heat of hell. “I’m the one she gave her life to. She’s mine, and I say she doesn’t deserve to be punished.”

I daren't lift my eyes to such a kind reprieve. Instead, I hunched into a ball, pressing my forehead to my knees.

“Tu es à moi.” You are mine. A firm hand landed on my shoulder. “Your life is mine, and I say I’m not ready to give you up.”

I raised my eyes to meet my saviour and cried hot ugly tears. Even though I almost killed him, Q stood before me in an immaculate black suit with a soft smile on his sculpted lips. No open wounds or oozing blood. He was utterly perfect.

He crouched beside me and cupped my cheek. “It’s over, Tess. It’s in the past. Our future is where we live now.” He kissed my lips, whispering, “Wake up, esclave. Wake up. Don’t leave me. Not after everything we’ve been through.

“Wake up.

“Wake—”

My eyes cracked open, gritty and sore. A brief sense of confusion crushed me before I connected with a pale jade gaze.

The moment I looked into Q’s wonderful dark and bright soul, I broke again. My mouth twisted in horror for what I’d done; my eyes were useless waterfalls.

I couldn’t do anything but cry and shake and repair my fractured soul.

We were in bed in the carousel room. I remembered now: the doctor working on Q. Stitching the lashes too deep to heal naturally, bandaging the ones that didn’t. Was it only yesterday that all of this happened?

“I’ll never be able to fo—forgive myself,” I stuttered between my waterworks.

Q shook his head softly; his face glistened with an array of unhealed scars and scabbed-over cuts. I did that to him. I marred his dark beauty and painted him with violence. I branded him in my rage, in my sadness, and every time I looked at him I would remember.

I would never forget hurting the man I loved more than I loved myself.

I shut my eyes, unable to bear the agony any longer.

But Q’s gentle fingertips brushed against my eyelids, coaxing them open. “Don’t look away. I want you to accept me. Love me as I am.”

I didn’t deserve this man. I shook uncontrollably.

“Tess. Obey me.” His voice hardened and I looked up, entranced by his angry eyes. “Don’t you dare undo my hard work. You feel again, and you’re going to get through it.”

He was right. Gone was the empty void I’d existed in. I lived in a dagger-filled eternity now. The guilt lived in my lungs, tainting my every breath.

Gritting my teeth, I traced a shallow lash on his cheekbone, my touch shaky and soft. “How can you forgive me for what I did?”

He captured my hand, pressing it harder against his cheek. “How can you forgive me for what I did?” He bowed his head, kissing my neck. “I failed you. Those men should never have been able to take you from me. I failed you by not coming sooner. I failed you by keeping you. I failed you every damn time I tied you up and degraded you. I’m the one who should ask for forgiveness.”

We stared at each other until my eyes burned and I swallowed gushes of salt water to stop from crying.

“I hurt birds that you save, Q. I tortured them. I broke their bones and killed a girl with a hummingbird tattoo on her hip.” The confession eased some of the guilt and I kept going—spewing my crimes. “They drugged me so every day I thought you’d abandoned me. They turned me into their employee and I tried to get free. I disobeyed but it only made the punishment for the other girls worse. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel myself again, but you taught me I’m strong enough to live with what I’ve done.”

I snuggled closer, wanting to crawl inside him. “I love you, Q. With everything that I am.”

He sighed heavily, pressing his soft lips against mine. “I know, Tess. I know.”

*****

From: Tess Snow

Time: 7:35p.m.

To: Brax Cliffingstone

Hi,

This is hard to write as it shows me how weak I was to contact you and make you worry. Everything has worked itself out. Q rescued me, Brax. He did something I never thought he would do. He showed me just how much he loves me.

Thank you for being there for me when I was lost.

I’ll always be around if you need me, but for now, I’m going to heal with the man who brought me back to life.