Reaper Unhinged

“He’s a warrior,” Azazel said. “And he’s a good man. An honorable man.”

“So…” Mal said. “Whatever happens…”

I ducked my head, my neck on fire. This was too weird, like my two lovers were setting me up with another guy, and then it hit me how hard this must be for them. I knew they loved me, but this…This selflessness made my heart ache. It made me wonder how I could ever crave more than them.

“It’s all right,” Azazel said. “Love doesn’t diminish when you share it. It grows. All we ask is that you be honest with us.”

Mal snorted. “Geez, Az, did you get that out of a greeting card? Look. Fee, we made a commitment to make you happy, whatever it takes.”

“But I have to make you happy too and—"

“You do that by existing. We’ve lived long enough to know how rare what we have with you is. You’ve brought us together in a way we would never have imagined, and if you decide you want Uri to be a part of our family then so be it.”

I had no idea what to say. I mean, I was pretty sure that Uri only thought of me as a friend.

Conah put a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me. “You should eat. Restore your strength.”

He shot Azazel and Mal a pointed look.

I sat back and frowned. “You don’t like Uri?”

Conah pressed his lips together. “Your relationships aren’t my business.”

“Then what?”

Mal sipped his coffee. “He’s pissed we both fed off you.”

“In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea,” Azazel said.

“What gave it away?” Conah said sarcastically. “The fact that she could barely keep her eyes open on the flight back, or the fact she almost dropped out of the sky twice before that?”

It was weird to have him defending me, especially when I didn’t need it. “I’m fine. Azazel and Mal take care of me, and I take care of them. It’s how things work between us.” My words came out sharper than intended in a clear back-off tone.

Conah’s jaw tightened. “Of course. It’s none of my business.”

Mal winced in my direction as if to say, ouch, Fee.

Azazel didn’t even flinch; he simply picked up the coffee pot and refilled his mug.

Conah nodded curtly. “I have messages to send.”

He left the room.

Okay, now I felt bad. Conah was still healing from the loss of his soulmate Kiara. He was trying to be nice, and I’d snapped at him.

“I should go talk to him, right?” I looked from Azazel to Mal.

Azazel set his mug down. “Do you want to?”

The last thing Conah had said to me after Kiara was murdered was that he wanted nothing to do with me. That we would never be friends, only colleagues, but he wasn’t acting like he wanted to be just colleagues…Did he want to be friends?

“I think I need to smooth things over.”

Mal plucked a strip of bacon off my plate. “Fine. Eat first, then speak to Conah. You’ll think better on a full stomach, and then you’re mine for a few hours.”

“I have to check in on my team,” Azazel said, his mouth turning down.

I’d told him about his deputy Dillon’s duplicity on the way back from the Underealm. He knew Cora was looking into the missing humans case. But I knew Azazel, and I knew that Dillon was in for some pain.

“I’ll cook for us this evening,” Azazel said.

“Oh, Az, you don’t have to do that,” Mal simpered.

Azazel shot him a flat look. “You’ll be elsewhere.”

“You know,” Mal said, “you’re taking this General thing a little too seriously.” He said it good-naturedly, and Azazel’s shoulders relaxed.

“You’re right,” he agreed. “We only have a couple of days before we need to head back and begin organizing the troops for a journey into the pit.” He covered my hand with his. “I want to make the most of that time.”

“So do I.” I turned my palm up, so we were holding hands, then held out my other hand to Mal. “Today and tonight is about us.”

Mal held up his mug. “I’ll drink to that.”

I found Conah in the library, a room I hadn’t visited since the first few weeks when Conah had been teaching me about all the different outlier species. We’d shared laughter here. Heated looks. But it felt like another time, like it had happened to another person.

Too much had changed. Too much had happened between us.

Conah looked up from the parchment he was scrawling on as I closed the door behind me.

“Hey.” I walked over to the table but didn’t sit. “Look, I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

He put his quill down. “No, Fee, I’m sorry. I said some awful things to you when Kiara died.”

“I get it. You were grieving. You needed someone to blame.”

“No, it’s more than that. I was guilty. I was in love with you, and I wanted you, and I wished so many times for a way out of my betrothal with Kiara, and then…She was gone.” He looked away, throat bobbing. “My wish was granted, but in the most awful manner.”

I stared at him, stunned by his confession.

“I was riddled with guilt and pain,” he continued. “But the cardinal helped me work through it. He helped me to accept that my wanting out hadn’t been what killed Kiara. Mammon did that. He was the only one to blame for her death.” He set down his pen. “I can’t help but wonder, though…if I’d left Kiara…if I’d broken off the engagement…would she still be alive?” He shook his head. “Not to be with you, of course…I know now that would never have happened.” His smile was sad. “You wouldn’t have hurt Kiara like that.”

He was right. I wouldn’t have. “We can’t dwell on the past. On what we could have done. We can only live with what we have done and move forward. Kiara was a wonderful woman, and she was a part of you, but she’s gone, and you need to continue to live. I want you to know that I’ll do whatever it takes to help you with that. If that means staying away from you, then so be it.”

He looked up at me, stunned. “No. No, Fee, I don’t want that. I want us to be friends like we could have been. Like we should have been. Can we do that? Can we start again?”

His words were a rock being lifted off my chest. “Yes. Yes, I’d like that a lot.”

His gaze lingered on my face for a moment longer, and then he dropped it to the parchment. “I should get these done.”

Shit. “Of course. Yeah. I’ll see you later?”

“I’m headed back to the Underealm tomorrow,” he said. “But once this is all over. Once Lilith is safe, maybe we can…I don’t know, catch a movie?”

He sounded so awkward saying it that I couldn’t help but chuckle. “How about lunch at Lumiers instead?”

He looked relieved. “Sounds perfect.”

I left him to his work and headed off to look for Mal. I was excited to spend the day with him. I was almost at the stairs when a hand snagged my elbow, and I was yanked into the storage closet Iza used to keep her cleaning supplies. It smelled of floral disinfectant and cinnamon.

Shit.

Keon’s yellow eyes gleamed in the gloom as he pushed me up against the wall and pinned me in. He leaned in so his body was so close it might as well have been pressed against mine. His hand went to my neck, thumb on my jaw as he forced my chin up. Heat rushed from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.

“You tried to sacrifice yourself,” he said.

Oh, crap. Mal must have told him.

“Asked that thing to end you…” His voice was a lethal purr.

The kind of voice you expected a villain to have just before he shoved a dagger in your gut, and the fact it was making me wet was a testament to my obvious insanity.

I kept my breathing shallow, not wanting my breasts to swell too much and brush against his pectorals, because any more contact and I would lose control.

“I did what I had to do, and Lilith is fine because I’m fine, okay?”

His eyes narrowed. “You think I’m worried about Lilith?”

His pupils dilated, huge, dark, and hungry, and then he kissed me. I gasped into his mouth and arched into him on reflex. His tongue was long and thick, and his kiss was a punishing rasp against my sensitive mouth. He kissed me like he was licking me out, and before I could stop myself, I was hooking a leg around his waist, sliding my hands up through his long locks and gripping his horns.

He growled into my mouth, and his chest began to vibrate. I held on as his hips began to move against me, his arousal at the perfect angle to drive me crazy. Pleasure was a wave rolling through me and setting me ablaze with yearning. His hands slid over my body, expertly kneading and squeezing to send lances of desire through me.

But just as suddenly as he’d attacked me with his mouth, he released me and backed away. His chest heaved, and there was no ignoring the huge tent in his pants. His hand went to it, massaging it even as he kept his gaze fixed on my face.

My stomach flipped hard, and I took an involuntary step toward him, but he bolted, leaving me standing in the storage cupboard alone, like a creepy fool.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn’t need another man in my life. I had three…four if you counted Hunter, although, with Hunter, it was going to take time to build the trust that I had in my other relationships.

Uri’s face filled my vision. He was coming home soon…Home.

The guys would accept him, but Keon…I knew in my gut they wouldn’t.

Guilt twisted in my chest.

I would be honest about what had happened with Keon just now.

I’d have to tell them how I felt.

What was the worst that could happen?

“What. The. Fuck?” Mal’s jaw was tight, and his eyes were dark with anger.

I looked down at his hands curled into fists at his sides. “Mal…I…”