Gutter bad.

I’m freezing and sweating at the same time. If I could move my limbs, I would cover myself with a blanket. I would cut off my head, it hurts so badly. I would curl up into a ball and die, assuming I haven’t already. I pinch the skin on my bare arm to make sure that I’m alive.

Then, in flashes, it all starts coming back.

Running around the soccer field with Brittney.

Doing a keg stand on a dare from Nate.

Singing Karaoke—“No Air,” no less—with Colin.

Cornering Wade on the dance floor to confront him about the program.

“Why won’t you talk about it?” I slurred. He wiped his face before walking away, and I’m mortified to realize now that I must have spit on him.

I groan from my place on someone else’s floor. I lick my teeth and they feel furry, coated in sugar and alcohol and something else—maybe hot dogs. I smell puke nearby but don’t want to move to see where it is. Just then, the bass gets really loud, like someone opened the door.

“I think it’s in here,” a guy’s voice says. “Hang on.”

Footsteps crunch on the carpet as the guy navigates the tiny room. I hold my breath because I don’t know if I’m supposed to be in here. The boy steps so close to my right hand that my fingers touch his treads. He gasps when he sees me.

“Holy shit! You scared me!” he says.

“Sorry,” I mutter. My mouth is dry as dust.

“What are you doing down there?”

“Resting,” I say.

“How long have you been in here?”

I shrug.

“Uh… okay. Well, stay as long as you like,” the guy says, inching his way back toward the door. “Or do you want me to call someone?”

“That’s okay,” I say. “I already called my friend Audrey.”

I did? I don’t remember talking to her.

“Oh, good,” the guy says, backing away carefully so as not to step on my listless body. “I’ll have the doorman watch out for your friend. I’ll tell him to tell her where you are.”

I don’t answer because my eyes are closed.

Three minutes or three hours later, someone jostles me. I want to protest and roll into a ball and kick them away for disturbing my coma, but my mouth doesn’t work. My body doesn’t work. So, without any say in the matter, I’m carried into the night, tucked into a car, and driven far, far away.

twelve

“Daisy? Are you awake?” Mason calls from across the food court at the mall. He’s sitting at a table with Cassie and Nora Fitzgerald, and they’re all staring at me. He knocks twice on the table, like he’s rapping out some kind of code. He knocks a third time, then looks at me expectantly like I’m supposed to know what he’s saying.

“Daisy?” he calls again.

Confused, I look across the table. Matt is there.

“Hey,” he whispers. “Answer him.”

And then a firm hand on my shoulder pulls me from the dream.

I open my eyes to a startling but welcome sight: Matt is lying on his side, facing me, in real life. I suck in my breath at the sight of him.

“Answer your dad,” he whispers calmly. I furrow my eyebrows.

“Answer him or he’ll want to come in,” Matt explains.

Getting it, I try to call back, but nothing comes out. I clear my throat, which reminds me of Mr. Jefferson. I wonder if his issue is that he drinks. Finally, I manage to find my voice.

“I’m awake,” I say loudly, cringing.

I stare into Matt’s dark eyes; he stares into mine. I’d ask what he’s doing here if words didn’t hurt.

“Good,” Mason calls back through the wall. “Cassie and I are going to get some eggs at the hotel restaurant before heading to the Zimmermans’. We need to be there at eight. Are you coming?”

I wonder for a moment if Matt thinks it’s weird that my dad would call my mom “Cassie” instead of “your mother,” but he doesn’t seem to notice. Then my stomach sloshes in a very bad way and I quit wondering.

“Ask if you can stay here today,” Matt whispers. I nod.

Concerned about dragon breath, I turn my head away from Matt when I speak.

“Would it be okay if I hung around here today?” I ask the wall. There’s silence on the other side of the door. “I want to catch up on some reading,” I add, trying to sound normal but feeling anything but. Mason doesn’t answer for a bit, as if he’s considering what I’ve asked. Finally, he says:

“Stay inside the hotel.”

“Okay,” I call out. “Thanks.”

My stomach lurches again and I curl into the fetal position.

“Are you going to be sick again?” Matt whispers.

“I don’t know,” I whisper back.

“We’ll be back at seven,” Mason says through the wall. “We’ll eat together.”

Wishing Mason would stop talking about food, I gather all my strength to answer, “Okay, sounds good.” My stomach lurches again.

“Want to go to the bathroom?” Matt says quietly.

“I don’t want to move,” I whisper. Matt smiles weakly and brushes a piece of hair off my forehead.

“Then don’t.”

I gasp awake, heart pounding, eyes wide. Matt’s still here, next to me on the bed. He’s on his back now, staring up at the ceiling. I watch as he turns toward me, concerned.

“Bad dream?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, because whatever ripped me from slumber is already out of reach. Without moving to know for sure, I can tell that my body is on the mend. I smack my lips and deeply inhale and exhale.

“So… I called you last night?” I say.

Matt rolls to his side again, facing me, smirking. “You drunk texted me.”

“What did it say?” I ask self-consciously.

“Something like ‘save me from frat boys,’ ” Matt says. I see a flicker of annoyance in his eyes. Jealousy?

“What else?”

“I called you when I got the text and you said you went out with a gay guy named Wade and—”

“I said Wade was gay?” I interrupt, frowning.

“Well, you kept saying over and over that he needs to come out of the closet,” Matt replies.

I laugh in a quick exhale. “I think I meant that about something else…. Anyway, keep going.”

“Okay, so you gave me this totally cryptic description of where you were,” Matt says. “You said you were at Freckler with the moose.”

“What does that even mean?” I ask, embarrassed about my weird language and about getting drunk in the first place. It’s not me.

“Eventually, I figured out that you meant Specter Hall,” he explains. “They have holiday reindeer on their lawn, all lit up and everything. One is really huge and could be mistaken for a moose.”

“It’s September,” I say.

“Yes, it is,” Matt says back. “Anyway, that made it easier.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No worries—it was sort of fun,” Matt says. “I pretended I was on one of those reality challenges… like I only had three hours to get to you or I’d lose out on a million dollars.”