Reaching over, I pick it up. My hand is trembling again.

I look down at it, tracing my finger over the cover. Then, I drop it back in the box and put the lid on. Getting to my feet, I put the box back in my wardrobe, and close the door on it, and my past.

“I’M CONSIDERING RETIRING NEXT YEAR. Making this my last season.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Carrick shakes his head as he sits forward in his seat. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly. Did you just say you’re considering retiring?”

“I am more than considering. And please keep your voice down. Ears.” I gesture at the people around us.

We’re in the hotel bar. Carrick is bored because Andi has gone for a night out with Petra, so I’m his date for the night. I would really rather not be here. A couple of women are at the bar, and one of them has been eye-fucking me since I arrived ten minutes ago. Brunette with big tits. The type of woman I would have fucked without a second thought—before India.

Now, I have no interest in other women. I only see India.

“You’re the first person I am talking to about this, so keep it to yourself—meaning tell no one, including Andi— because nothing is definite yet.”

“You haven’t talked to India about this?”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Well, while I’m honored I’m the first you’re telling, can I ask, why the fuck are you considering it?”

“Because…” I shrug.

“Oh, well, that explains it.” He throws a hand up, letting it fall back to his lap. “You just got your career back, and now, you’re considering throwing it away.”

“I’m not throwing it away.” I frown at him. “I am thirty-one years old. This is the last year on my contract. Sure, it’s up for renewal, but I am not sure I want that. I have been behind the wheel of a car since I can remember. I nearly lost my life for the fucking love of it. But things are different now. I’m different. I thought coming back would be everything, but it’s not. Of course, I still love racing. Just not in the same way. And now I have found something I love more.”

“India?”

“Mmhmm.”

“But India’s not asking you to quit, is she?” He raises a brow in question.

“No, she’s not. She would never do that. But come on, Carrick, you know what this life is like. We’re on the road nine months out of the year. I will hardly see her. I hardly see her as it is. And it’s not like it is with you and Andi. She travels with you. India can’t do that.”

“So, hire India to work for you. You’re clearly having another mental break, and you could do with a staged intervention from a professional.”

I give him the middle finger. “Look, even if I did make up some imaginary job and somehow got India to give her career up to come and work for me—which I would never do because I’m not that much of a selfish bastard—she has Jett. He has school. She needs to be in London, and I need to be there with her.”

Carrick slumps back in his chair and takes a sip of his beer. “You’re really serious then?”

“Yes, I’m really serious.” I start to pick at the label on my bottle.

“Just…don’t make any rash decisions. Talk to India first, see what she thinks.”

“I’ll discuss it with her when I get back home.”

“Good. God, it’ll be weird without you around. It was strange last year when you weren’t on the track, bugging the fuck out of me, getting in my way.”

“Love you, too, Ryan.” I smirk at him.

“Yeah, well, don’t expect me to give you a pity win for this championship, so you can go out on a high.”

“Ha! Like you need to. I’m kicking your ass, and you know it.”

“Fuck you, Silva. I’m gonna kick your arse on Sunday. My car’s performing like a dream. And I have the best mechanic on my side.”

“Yes, you do.” I have to agree with that. Andi is one of the best mechanics around. There was a time, just before my accident, when I was considering how to poach her from him.

“Don’t worry though. If you do retire, I’ll make sure you’re remembered for being a great driver. Second to me of course.”

Laughing at him, I take a sip of my beer.

“So, what will you do, if you do decide to go?” Carrick asks with genuine curiosity.

“I don’t know.” I rest my bottle on my thigh. “I’ll have to do something though, or I will go out of my mind with boredom while India is at work.”

“You could always take up drinking and whoring around like you did last year.”

“You’re a prick.”

“I know.” He smirks. “But, in all seriousness, you know my dad gave his job up when I was younger, so he could be there full-time for my career.”

“And what does that have to do with me retiring?”

“Well, Jett is showing a real interest in karting, and the kid’s really good. He’s got real natural talent. You could help him hone it, get him racing, entering competitions, building his reputation. That’d keep your retired arse busy. I know my racing kept my dad busy. Still does. And at least you’d still be a part of the racing circuit, so I’d get to see your ugly face around.”

“I suppose I could. But it would depend on that being what Jett wants.”

“A racing-obsessed kid getting the chance for Leandro Silva to coach him. Yeah, I’m sure he’d turn it down.” He chuckles.

I’m pondering Carrick’s suggestion when a throat clears beside me. I turn my head, and my eyes meet with a huge pair of tits. I mean, they’re literally in my face.

I tilt my head back to find the chick who’s been eye-fucking me from the bar now standing over me.

“You’re Leandro Silva, right?”

She sounds English. She must be here for the race. She clearly knows who I am. Surprised she hasn’t clocked Carrick though.

“I am.” I give her a congenial smile so not to come off as a bastard. I still have a public profile to keep up.

“Could I have my picture taken with you?”

“Sure.” I hold back the sigh I feel. The last thing I want is to have my picture taken with a chick who is probably aiming to get in my pants.

“Bev!” she calls to her friend at the bar. “Come take the pic for me.”

Her friend comes wobbling over on her high heels, clearly well on her way to being drunk. She gives me the eye as she takes the camera from Big Boobs next to me.

Big Boobs puts her arm around my waist, sliding in close to me. “My name’s Andrea,” she says, trying to sound sexy.

All it does is make me cringe. “Nice to meet you, Andrea.” I give her a friendly smile. “Are you a racing fan?”

“No, my boyfriend is. He’s a big fan. His company got him tickets for the race, so he and his best mate are watching. They brought me and Bev along with them for the weekend.”

“Sounds nice.” I look ahead, ready to have my picture taken so I can get back to my beer.

“Not really, but my weekend’s been made, meeting you.”

I flash her a smile, and then my eyes look forward again. Her friend is taking for-fucking-ever to take the picture.