HELV* from Teterboro back to the consulate
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*Hybrid Electric Livery Vehicle
So happy. Can’t even think of anything to write I’m so happy.
Except that I’m sorry to have left our little island . . . I wish we could live there, swimming and snorkeling and sleeping in the sun all day, then lying in our hammock and watching shooting stars (and satellites) at night. We even invented a new game . . . it’s called Space Alien. We pretended one of the satellites we saw was actually a spaceship visiting from a distant galaxy and it happened to land on our tiny island, and when the door opened, out came Michael, who was an alien (with many humanoid qualities) who’d been sent to explore the far reaches of space because all the females in his sector had died out from a terrible plague, so he kidnapped me and took me back to his planet to help repopulate it (though I went willingly because he was quite handsome and more gentlemanly and intelligent than any of the men on my own planet).
Obviously, in real life it would not be fun to travel to a planet where you were the sole female and have humanoid males fight over you all day, but that’s what’s fun about fantasies: they’re not real. Another fun fantasy would be for us to live in the Exumas, where Michael could fish and I could sell the fish from a little hut on the beach, and we could play Space Alien every night and forget all our other responsibilities.
But that’s not real either.
Which is why I just had to switch my phone back on. I need to see how things are going at the center and with my dad and—
. . . and now it’s buzzing off the hook. What is going on? There had better be an international incident or—
I have 1,372 new e-mails, texts, and voice mails.
I was kidding about there better having been an international incident. Please don’t let anything bad have happened to my family or friends or kids from the center or the refugees from Qalif or the people of Genovia . . .
CHAPTER 19
3:15 p.m., Monday, May 4
Still in the HELV
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There hasn’t been an international incident. Well, there has been, but it turns out to be me. Once again, I’m the international incident.
At Long Last:
They’re Engaged!
You heard it here first! She’s officially “When Will He Marry Mia” no more!
Longtime beau—multimillionaire biotech entrepreneur Michael Moscovitz, 29—has finally popped the question to new Number One–ranked royal, Princess Mia Thermopolis of Genovia!
RateTheRoyals.com has all the vital statistics:
♥ The couple became engaged on the princess’s 26th birthday this weekend during an exotic getaway in the Bahamas.
♥ Before they left, Michael asked Mia’s father—Prince Phillipe Renaldo of Genovia—for her hand.
♥ The ring is a 10-carat sapphire surrounded by diamonds on a platinum band.
♥ The royal wedding will be held this summer at the Genovian Palace in a Catholic ceremony that will be telecast live worldwide to an approximate audience of a billion!
♥ Michael will move his billion-dollar medical business to Genovia, where he and Mia will live in the royal palace once they’re married!
♥ Mia’s grandma: “I’ve always been very fond of Michael.”
♥ Mia is “beyond thrilled,” according to a palace spokesperson.
♥ Divorce lawyers are already drafting prenups.
♥ Bookies are placing odds on July 20 as the early favorite for the wedding date.
The official statement released by the Genovian Palace reads:
The Dowager Princess Clarisse Renaldo of Genovia is delighted to announce the engagement of her granddaughter Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo to Mister Michael Moscovitz, Esq., of New York City.
The wedding will take place in Genovia in the summer of 2015. Further details about the ceremony will be announced shortly.
Princess Mia and Mr. Moscovitz became engaged on her 26th birthday during a holiday this past weekend in the Bahamas.
Mr. Moscovitz sought the permission of the princess’s father prior to proposing.
Following the marriage, the couple will live in Genovia, where the princess and her consort will devote their lives to serving the needs of the people of Genovia.
CHAPTER 20
3:15 p.m., Monday, May 4
Still in the HELV
Rate the Royals Rating: 1
I am going to kill my grandmother.
Michael and I promised we’d tell our parents first (which we were going to do tonight after he gets back from a speech he has to give on neural prosthetics at a medical conference in Elizabeth).
Only now they’re going to hear it first on the news.
Of course I can’t get through to Michael. He took his own town car from Teterboro to the medical conference, and for whatever reason my calls are going straight to voice mail.
Probably he’s already been kidnapped by RoyalRabbleRouser and is being held for ransom in an underground bunker for my exact net worth according to Rate the Royals. Only how am I going to pay it, in scepters?
Seriously, though, I know my grandmother is behind this. But how did she find out?
It had to have been Mo Mo. He was so nice, but she got to him. She gets to everyone eventually.
CHAPTER 21
3:25 p.m., Monday, May 4
Still in the HELV thanks to the horrible
traffic on the Upper West Side
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Still no Michael.
Am checking all my messages.