Of course. And I totally get it. Far be it from me not to hire a Genovian to design my wedding gown.
“And we’re going to have to start making a guest list. Find out from Michael’s parents who they want to invite so we can start screening them, but please emphasize from me that they can’t have more than twenty-five people because we really do only have room for five hundred and my personal list is already at two hundred and of course we have to include our own family and I assume you’ll want a few friends.”
How nice of her.
“As for the entertainment, of course we aren’t going to hire a disc jockey, nor will we have any of those ridiculous songs you asked for. Madonna? Don’t be absurd! You know she and I are still not speaking. And why would we have Dorothy’s dog Toto from the Wizard of Oz perform at your wedding? We’ll have a live, human entertainer. I’m having Dominique get in touch with someone I’m told is top-notch—I can’t think of his name offhand but I understand he’s extremely popular, and more importantly, very keen to perform for us, and for no fee. I think he’ll do nicely, and I’m positive he can sing that song Michael likes about the river, whatever it is, although I must say I’m surprised, as it sounds like a Christian spiritual, and I thought your intended was Jewish—not that I mind, I’m very open to all faiths, except yoga, as you know. Well, never mind, Dominique is going to send over a copy of your itinerary, so call me when you receive it if you have any questions. You know I don’t know why you even have a mobile when you never pick it up. Good-bye.”
I can’t.
I can’t even.
ROYAL GENOVIAN PRESS OFFICE
HRH PRINCESS MIA RENALDO
Itinerary for Week of May 4
CONTACT: Dominique du Bois
Director of Royal Genovian Press Relations and Marketing
CELL: 917-555-6840
OFFICE: 212-555-3767
WEDNESDAY, MAY 6
9:00 A.M
Limo to escort HRH to design offices of Sebastiano (119 Mercer).
9:30 A.M.
Meet with Sebastiano to go over Wedding/Bridesmaid Gown Designs
12:00 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia to Four Seasons
12:15– 2:00 P.M.
Lazarres-Reynolds Luncheon.
Private room. Attendees: HRH Mia, HRH Dowager Princess Clarisse Renaldo, representatives of Lazarres-Reynolds.
2:15–2:45 P.M.
Limo will be waiting outside Four Seasons to escort HRH Mia to Plaza Hotel.
2:45–5:00 P.M.
Meeting with HRH Dowager Princess, Dominique, and Rolanda to go over cake, guest list, entertainment choices.
5:00 P.M.
Limo will be waiting to escort HRH Mia home to change.
7:00 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia to the W Hotel.
7:30–10:30 P.M
National Heart Association Benefit Ball to Raise Awareness for Sudden Cardiac Death.
Talking points:
1. Heart disease is leading cause of death in the world for both men and women.
2. 5–10 minutes of running or brisk walking per day can cut risk of stroke/heart attack in half.
3. Don’t smoke.
10:30 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia home.
THURSDAY, MAY 7
4:30 A.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia and Michael Moscovitz to Wake Up America studios, Rockefeller Plaza.
5:00 A.M.
Arrive Wake Up America green room. Paulo will meet HRH Mia to do hair/makeup.
7:24 A.M.
Interview on Wake Up America. Topic: Royal Wedding/Genovia.
Talking points:
1. Sudden Cardiac Death: So terrible!
2. Wedding in July: So happy!
3. Genovia—popular summer tourist destination, especially in July. Rentals/hotel rooms still available!
4. Election—Prince Phillipe’s platform: Equality for all!
8:15 A.M.
Limo will greet HRH Mia at stage door and escort HRH Mia to breakfast at Plaza Hotel with Dowager Princess Clarice Renaldo and Rolanda.
9:00 A.M.–
12:00 P.M.
Meeting to solidify wedding invitation, cake, guest list, gown, entertainment choices.
12:15 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia to the NoMad Hotel.
—Renaldo/21st Century Fox Luncheon—
1:00–3:00 P.M.
The Parlour. Attendees: HRH Mia, HRH Dowager Princess Clarisse Renaldo, Dominique, representatives from Lazarres-Reynolds and 21st Century Fox.
Talking points:
1. Discussion of granting 21st Century Fox exclusive worldwide rights to film Royal Wedding.
3:00 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia home.
6:00 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia to Gramercy Tavern.
—Renaldo-Moscovitz Dinner—
6:30–8:30 P.M.
Front room: HRH Mia and Michael Moscovitz, window table. Press will be contacted for “impromptu” photo op of happy couple dining together.
9:00 P.M.
Limo to escort HRH Mia to grocery store. Purchase: cat food. “Royals: They’re Just Like Us” photo shoot for Majesty Magazine.
10:00 P.M
Limo to escort HRH Mia home.
FRIDAY, MAY 8
9:30 A.M.
Limo will be waiting to escort HRH Mia to airport.
11:00 A.M.
Depart Teterboro on board private jet.
10:00 P.M. (GST)
Arrive Genovia.
CHAPTER 35
1:45 p.m., Tuesday, May 5
Frank Gianini Community Center
Rate the Royals Rating: 1
Perin must have heard me hyperventilating over the itinerary since she just popped her head into my office and asked, looking all concerned, “Mia? Are you all right?”
I said, “Fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry, it’s not work-related. Just . . . something my grandmother sent over. But I’m good. Or I will be, after I make a few phone calls.”