I’m seriously going to check myself into a rehab center for stress and anxiety after this, I swear to God.
“Can we please stick to the subject?” I demanded. “Once we get to Cranbrook, here’s what I’d like to do: go to Olivia’s uncle’s business to talk to him—and the aunt—like normal, rational adults about my meeting my sister. Nothing accusatory, nothing confrontational. Just ‘Hi, hello, I’m Mia Thermopolis. Would it be okay with you if I meet your niece?’ Then we can go from there.”
“Oh,” Lilly said. “Okay. That seems like a great idea, especially without any sort of advanced planning or consulting your lawyers or your dad or anything first.”
“It will be fine,” I assured her. “It’s not like I haven’t been trained in the art of diplomacy.”
“Right!” Lilly laughed over her whiskey sour. “By your grandmother, the queen of tact!”
“We’re two separate generations,” I said. “We might do things differently, but we still get things done.”
“And the aunt might not even be aware her husband is using her niece’s money to buy bulldozers to send to Qalif,” Tina pointed out. “She could be perfectly innocent in the whole thing.”
“Exactly, Tina.”
Lilly laughed some more. “Oh, my God. You two are so naïve. It’s like watching Bambi and Thumper go after Tony Soprano.”
Lilly is such a pessimist.
Oh, great, the car is finally moving.
CHAPTER 48
12:37 p.m., Wednesday, May 6
Somewhere on Interstate 295
Rate the Royals Rating: 7
Tina is reading aloud from J.P.’s dystopian YA novel, Love in the Time of Shadows, which she downloaded to her phone.
Lilly is laughing so hard she says she’s going to wet her pants.
I’m not finding it very amusing, particularly as the heroine, “Amalia,” has light gray eyes and long sandy blond hair, which gets whipped around a lot in the unforgiving desert wind.
But I suppose hearing J.P.’s book read aloud is better than the alternative, which was listening to Tina play all of the voice mails Boris has left her recently, swearing that he was never unfaithful, and begging her to take him back. Some of them were accompanied by long violin solos.
Lilly said if she had to hear one more, she was going to fling herself from the limo and into oncoming traffic.
I’m starting to think Tina should take Boris back just so we don’t have to hear about him anymore.
I’ve left four messages for my dad, including two on his private cell, but he has not returned them. His assistant Marielle says she has no idea where he is, but as soon as she hears from him, she’ll let him know I’ve called.
Except that wherever he’s gone, he has to have taken his bodyguards. So the RGG knows where he is.
But they aren’t talking, either.
This is not a good sign.
No one told me it takes an hour and a half to get to Cranbrook, New Jersey, during periods of high traffic. This could be a very long trip.
But my resolve is not flagging.
CHAPTER 49
1:05 p.m., Wednesday, May 6
Still on Interstate 295
Rate the Royals Rating: 7
People are honking at the limo as they drive by. It’s like they’ve never seen one before, which is ridiculous. I’ve watched the show Jersey Shore, and they rode in limos all the time.
Well, not ones with Genovian flags flying from them, but still. I suppose I should get François to pull over so we can remove the flags and not draw so much attention to ourselves, but I’d rather save the time and get there, already.
Tina is continuing to read. The two rivals for Amalia’s affection, “Mick” and “Jared,” come from enemy factions. Jared is blond and warmly creative, whereas Mick has dark hair and is more coldly analytical. Amalia seems to be leaning more toward Jared.
But none of it really matters since they’re all dying of radiation poisoning.
Lilly just said she’s going to give Love in the Time of Shadows “a million stars as soon as J.P. self-publishes it somewhere.”
This caused Tina to look teary-eyed. “A Million Stars,” she echoed, with a sigh.
“Oh, for God’s sake,” Lilly said in disgust. “If you miss Boris that much, why don’t you take him back?”
“How can I?” Tina asked. “He betrayed my trust.”
“Did he?” Lilly asked. “Or did you destroy it by believing some bimbo blogger’s word over your boyfriend’s?”
I widened my eyes. “Lilly!”
“Well, it’s true,” Lilly said, as Tina appeared stricken. “Look, as a lawyer, you know I’m obligated to look at the facts, and weigh everyone’s testimony impartially, regardless of their sex. But as a feminist, I’m far more likely to show solidarity for my sisters, and believe a woman’s word over a man’s. Hos before bros, and all that.”
I sucked in my breath, glancing at Lars and Halim, who fortunately weren’t paying the slightest bit of attention. “Lilly. Sisters before misters.”
“But in this particular case, I just can’t,” she went on, ignoring me, as usual. “I know Boris too well. He’s the type of man who, if he did cheat, would immediately confess to it, because he wouldn’t be able to bear the guilt for one second. So the fact that he keeps saying he didn’t do it makes me think he really, honest to God, didn’t do it, and in this one individual case, we have got to believe this particular bro over this particular ho.”