Ruin & Rule

Her body snuggled closer, tucking into mine like a mirroring piece to my soul. I nuzzled into her neck, breathing in her sleep-contented scent.

Will you ever be able to forgive me?

Will I ever live in a world where I’m not shattered by my love for you, because I know one day soon you won’t want it?

My questions were self-obsessed. Focused on the pain in my heart, regardless of the pain I’d caused in hers.

If she knew how grateful I was that her amnesia kept certain things from her, she’d hate me for eternity. I was petrified every time she said she remembered a sliver of her past.

She already does hate me—she just hasn’t remembered why yet.

I wanted to lay my heart at her feet and beg, fucking beg for forgiveness. But that would be asking too much. She’d never be able to grant me absolution and give me back the love I used to hold so fiercely when we were younger.

I’d lost the right to be loved by her.

No amount of revenge would make her absolve my crimes.

I would never stop living with one step in hell. I had to accept that.

You won’t be granted redemption.

I held her tighter, holding my brightly inked Buttercup with arms that shook with mourning.

Her warm form sent my heart hammering with both love and grief. She was still the same girl from my past, only scarred by flames and painted by ink. She’d grown even more beautiful, more unique.

And I’d never fucking deserve her.

Who knew how much longer I’d be permitted to hold her before she remembered.

And she would remember.

It was only a matter of time.

I swallowed hard as my worst memory took my mind hostage.

A gasp sounded behind me.

Shit!

Spinning around, I aimed the gun at the apparition in the doorway.

There was no one there.

But I’d seen her.

I’d recognized the shape of her body I fantasized about every night. I’d recognized the small sound of horror falling from her lips.

She’d seen me.

I was so consumed with memories and melancholy, I didn’t hear the noise that heralded the end of my world.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

I saw the shadow.

I ordered my body to move. To protect. To kill.

I raised an arm to fight.

But it was too late.

The bat whistled through the darkness, striking the side of my head before I’d untangled myself from Cleo.

My last thought as a diabolical headache shot me into unconsciousness was Not her. Kill me but leave her the fuck alone.

But my mouth was no longer in my control.

My eyes closed.

My world ended.

I abandoned her to monsters all over again.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Out of every scenario I could’ve envisioned for my future…

This was not it.

This wasn’t allowed to fucking happen.

How was I supposed to stay human when they’d taken her from me, not once, but twice?

How was I supposed to stay rational and follow my plan when they’d left me destitute?

The answer was scarily simple.

I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t.

There was only one path left for me. One target. One goal.

I wanted their screams.

They would pay for their sins.

I embraced the madness and bloodlust in my soul.

It was time to end this.

Once and for fucking all.

—Kill

I woke up.

I went to scream.

A hand planted over my mouth.

A weapon sailed through the air, striking Arthur in the temple.

Tears burst from my eyes as he crumbled into unconsciousness beside me.

I fought. Fuck, I fought.

But it wasn’t enough.

Something pricked my arm.

Ice stole through my veins.

My eyes flew wide as something foul slapped against my mouth. The painful prick spread listless lethargy through my blood.

Clouds fogged my brain.

The glint of a needle in the moonlight told me the truth even as tendrils of vapors swam faster through my veins.

They’d found me.

They knew who I was.

I looked into the gaze of Alligator/Lighter Boy—the hazel-eyed man who played with fire—the same man who’d stolen me the first time.

Now he would steal me again. Captured and taken as if I’d never existed.

I forced my heavy head to loll to the side, more tears streaking down my cheeks.

Arthur!

He was unconscious, a trickle of blood coming from his mouth. Another biker stood over him with a bat.

“No!” I screamed, but it came out as a whispered sob behind Lighter Boy’s palm.

“Got a date, pretty Dagger. Got a date with fucking destiny.”

I floated away, falling faster and faster into an abyss as the drugs stole my lucidity.

The last thing I remembered was his rancid lips on mine as the shutters in my head slammed closed and I disappeared into the void.

I woke up for the second time.

Pain.

Horrendous pain lived inside my head.

Smacking my lips, I tried to lubricate my dry mouth. My body was a throbbing, screaming mess, refusing to resemble the woman I’d been before.

I searched my mind for that terrifying wall locking my past away. Please don’t let my amnesia protect me again.

I didn’t care it was a self-preservation thing. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if everything I’d fought so hard to remember was… gone.

Tentatively, I prodded and pushed my mind, testing the darkness—making sure it wasn’t padlocked and chained.