Ruin & Rule

“Don’t touch me!” I bucked and squirmed, gaining carpet burn for my efforts.

But it was no use.

“Get off her!” Kill shouted. The weight of the steward disappeared and Killian hauled me to my feet. He breathed harder than I did, his face white and tight. Glaring at Mr. Steel, who’d climbed to his feet and now stood livid with anger, he hissed, “Do we have a fucking deal or not?”

“What?” I yelled. Then… I laughed. It was the only output I had left. Sheer mania. “You’re insane.” I laughed harder. “You’re certifiably nuts. God, what the hell was I doing thinking I could convince you.”

Kill didn’t say anything; he just stood and watched me unravel with that bone-breaking despair in his eyes. I hated that despair. I hated that even now I wanted to fix him, save him. Even after everything he’d done and let happen.

Mr. Steel’s voice cut through my crazed giggles. “You’re lucky I like strong women, otherwise you’d have a bullet in your fucking brain and this meeting would be over.”

I couldn’t stop the silent humor still shaking my frame. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop. Panic? Terror? It didn’t matter because it made me feel powerful and unpredictable and above these men who drove me mad.

The twine around my wrists wasn’t tied properly and I shrugged out of it, throwing the binds at Mr. Steel. “Here’s what I think of you and your boat. It’s not strong enough to hold me.” I giggled again, tears forming in my eyes.

Don’t fall. Please don’t fall.

Even if it was from mirth, I didn’t want tears. If they trickled down my cheeks that would be it for me. They would propel me into the deepest sadness I’d ever known.

I was so close to snapping completely. One brittle splinter from losing my mind forever.

Mr. Steel smiled. “You’re different, I’ll give you that.” Inching forward, he whispered, “In fact, you have me so intrigued I’m willing to make you a deal. Obey my next request and I’ll treat you like a queen rather than a whore. Whatever I take from you, I’ll give back tenfold.” His fingers kissed my cheek sending icicles to my heart. “I’ll worship you all while I destroy you.”

The fire that’d brutalized my skin now lived inside me. Vengeance. I never knew what it felt like before, but now I did. I wanted revenge on Arthur “Kill” Killian. I wanted to shove what he’d made me become in his face so he would never ever forget me.

Arching my chin, I seethed, “Fine. It’s more than he ever gave me.”

The sharp intake of breath and the soft clinking of a heart breaking came from behind. I didn’t turn. I was done with him.

“Strip, lovely girl. Show me everything you are and I’ll make you mine.” Mr. Steel backed away, his touch still freezing my cheek like a permanent mark.

Tension sprang into the cabin. Billowing heat and intensity came from behind me from Kill. My eyes narrowed as the scent of lust sprang into the air.

My muscles locked.

If I did this, I would willingly hand myself over to the devil. If I did this, I would turn my back on Sarah, on Buttercup, on every single thing I’d fought so hard to remember. I would say good-bye once and for all to the boy I’d once loved in my nightmares.

I’ll never wake up from this.

Balling my hands, I looked over my shoulder at Kill. He looked ruined—destroyed—a shadow of the biker lord who’d kissed me so savagely.

My heart hurt to see him in pieces. Then fortified to know I’d won.

Gritting my teeth, I slid my hands beneath my red curls and tugged at the bikini strings. The triangles of gold sprang away, dangling down my stomach as I reached behind my back and unsecured the rest.

Kill sucked in a ragged breath. “Sarah—”

I tensed, never looking at him. “My name isn’t Sarah anymore.”

His lips turned white and the look of absolute regret in his eyes almost undid me.

Almost.

Mr. Steel smiled wilder. “Good girl. And the rest.”

My hands fell from my back, landing on the ties on my hips. A patch of sunlight drenched me in rays and warmth, spilling through the circular window.

Don’t!

What are you doing?

This wasn’t me. This vengeful hate. It wasn’t true, barely hiding the agony and betrayal I felt beneath. But I’d gone too far. I—

“Sarah… stop—” The blatant begging in Kill’s tone tore my eyes to his. The pain in his gaze shoved the dagger the final inch into my heart, killing me for eternity. He never looked at my naked chest, pouring his confusion into soul.

Tension thickened.

Hearts raced.

Lips parted.

I waited for him to fight for me. I waited for him to apologize and admit to everything.

But the weakness inside dropped his eyes, the despair smothering him completely.

Art.

“Do it,” Mr. Steel ordered, breaking our fragile trance.

My fingers looped around the bikini ties.

My fingers tugged.

My fingers shook.

But I didn’t have the courage to pull them apart.

Kill’s eyes came back up, his mouth twisted with sorrow. Darkness from both sides tried to devour me, but light streamed over me like a sparkling waterfall. Golden rays dappled my body as my fingers pulled… tighter and tighter… so close to untethering the final bows that hid my decency.

Then something happened.

Something I didn’t understand.