Jesus fucking Christ, I could have killed her. What is wrong with me? Yeah, war fucking sucks, but you come home and you get on with your life.

You don’t jump like a pussy over every loud noise and you for damn sure don’t try to choke out the woman that means more to you than life itself.

I press my lips and nose to her hair and inhale deeply, letting her sweet scent of vanilla and lavender fill my head and soothe me.

All I have to do is smell her and I’m calmer, yet I know I should pull away from her altogether. She and the girls need someone who’s not so fucked up in the head. They deserve someone that doesn’t lose his shit in crowds and have nightmares that make him want to shit the bed.

But the thought of someone else holding Brynna like this, or watching her two girls grow up into young women, makes me even more crazy in the head.

I pull back and look down into sleepy brown eyes. She’s watching me lazily, and has begun to rub her hand up and down my side. She pushes one of those long legs between my own.

“’Mornin’,” she mumbles.

“Good mornin’, Legs.” I kiss her forehead and pull my pelvis back as she drags her hand down from my side to my dick, enjoying my morning wood.

“Stop,” I whisper and pull her hand up to my lips. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean?” She asks with a frown.

“Not yet.” I shake my head and lace my fingers with hers, holding her hand close to my chest. “I need to say something.”

“Okay,” she mutters and settles against me, not letting me go, which is a good sign.

I couldn’t bare it if she was afraid to be close to me.

“I just want to say something about last night,” I begin and frown as I try to gather my thoughts. She just waits quietly, not moving, not tensing up. Just waiting for me. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you and scared all of you.”

She opens her mouth to argue but I lean in and press my lips softly to hers, shutting her up.

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, Brynna,” I whisper against her lips. “And I’ve met some damn strong people. You surprise me, and you humble me, and I’m grateful to be here with all of you.”

Before she can respond, I kiss her again, more deeply now, and feel my cock harden in anticipation of sliding inside her.

Except, it’s going to be disappointed to find that it’ll be going without this morning.

Right now, this moment, is all about her.

I gently push her onto her back and pull away so I can examine the light purple marks around her neck.

“I’m fine,” she murmurs, but I look up into her chocolate eyes with sadness and regret. “I’m. Fine.”

I lower my gaze again and tip her chin up with my finger, gaining access to press light, tender kisses to her bruised skin. She purrs low in her throat and kneads the muscles of my shoulders as I move down her chest, licking and kissing her lazily. Her nipples pebble beneath her thin tank and I grip the hem and pull it up, exposing her perfect tits to my mouth. I suck and torment her, making her moan again.

“Caleb,” she whispers.

“Shhh.” I blow on the wet buds, making them pucker more and then continue on my quest down her slightly rounded stomach, kissing along the waistline to each hip, up each side, counting her ribs with my tongue. She boosts her hips up as I snag the hem of the shorts in my fingers and drag them, along with her panties, over her hips, down her long legs, and toss them onto the floor.

“Do we have time for this?” she breathes and clenches the sheets in her fists.

“Oh, I think so,” I assure her and push her legs together and up, my hands pressed to the backs of her thighs, so her knees meet her chest. I lower my head and lick her, from her anus, through her sopping wet lips and to her already-swollen clit.

“God, you taste fucking amazing,” I growl and repeat the motion again. She slaps her hands over mine, gripping me and pulling her legs even closer to her chest as I lap at her pussy.

I feel her start to quiver, and her legs begin to tremble beneath my hands. I release her and spread her wide, gazing up at her as I wrap my lips around her clit and suck rhythmically. Two fingers plunge inside her and she begins to buck beneath me, pushing her pussy against my hand and face, shaking her head back and forth on the pillow, her dark hair a riot around her sweet face, coming apart.

Her muscles squeeze me beautifully, and I want nothing more than to sink inside her and ride her hard until I come, but we definitely don’t have time for that.

I continue to kiss her lips and clit gently, her thighs and pubis, as she pants and combs her fingers through my hair, scrubbing my scalp with her fingernails.

Before she can ask me to make love to her, I climb up her long body, kiss her deeply and then push away, sauntering to the bathroom with my shorts jutting out like a tent.

“Hey!” She exclaims.

“What?” I toss a smile over my shoulder.

“You’re not done.”

“I’m fine,” I respond, pausing by the doorway to look back at her. I love seeing her on my bed, all rosy cheeked and satisfied.

My girl.

“We have to get the girls up and leave soon.” I sober and watch her silently for a moment. She sighs and pushes herself from the bed and walks to me, wrapping herself around me in a big hug.

“They’ll be fine, Caleb. Just be honest with them.” She grabs my hand and pulls me into the bathroom behind her. “We’ll finish what you started in the shower. Conserve water, and all that.”

I grin down into her happy eyes, cringing inside. What will I say to Maddie and Josie?

How do I explain what I don’t understand myself?

“You go ahead, Legs. We’ll conserve water another time.”

She frowns up at me in confusion. Hell, I’m confused too. I just know that I’m not ready to make love to her again. Not yet.

“Another time,” I repeat and kiss her hair before making a hasty retreat; before I lose my resolve and pull her into that hot shower and lose myself in her.

***

“Girls, wake up,” I croon gently from the doorway, not wanting to startle them. Brynna is standing next to me, her hand on my low back. “You should wake them up,” I whisper to her.

“Stop worrying,” she whispers back with a small smile.

“Caleb!” Maddie jumps from the bed as soon as she opens her eyes and sees me. She runs over and wraps her arms around my waist, holding me tight.

I glance up at Josie and my heart stops. She’s sitting straight up in bed, her brown eyes – the same as her mom’s – wide and staring at me. She pulls her doll into her lap and hugs her tight.