Carter let out a little moan in his sleep and I smiled to myself.

I inched my body up a little further, letting my tongue glide up and over the head of his penis. I swirled it around the tip a few times then brought my lips down around the head and sucked it into my mouth.

Carter whimpered this time and I glanced up to see he still had his eyes closed.

Okay, this wasn't too bad. I could do this. I was a dirty c**k sucker! Liz would be so proud.

That reminded me I needed to call Liz later and see if she wanted to help me make three-hundred chocolate penises for one of her parties this weekend.

I dipped my head a little lower and took more of Carter into my mouth, letting my tongue continue to swirl around the head. I tasted a bit wetness that leaked out of him and it was magically delicious, like Lucky Charms. But saltier. And without the leprechaun.

Green clovers, yellow horseshoes, pink penises!

I giggled a little when I thought that. I was giggling with Carter’s penis in my mouth. Thank God he was still sleeping. I don't think laughing at a man's penis would make him feel good.

I sucked harder on him and took him as far into my mouth as I could without gagging. Throwing up on his penis wouldn't be a good introduction into the world of blow jobs.

He was big and full in my mouth and I seriously couldn't believe this was happening right now and no one was witnessing it. I, Claire Morgan, had a penis in my mouth. There should be applause or pats on the back. Maybe I should have waited until Carter was awake for this. I bet he'd give me one of those slow golf claps like in the movies. Or at least say "way to go".

I slowly moved up and down his length, letting my wet lips glide over his smooth skin.

Carter’s hips jerked forward a little and he moaned again, making me completely giddy with power. Until I made one more pass up his length with my Hoover Mouth (Yes, I was changing its name to that of a vacuum cleaner. Don't judge me.) and I glanced up to see his eyes jerk open and his body completely freeze.

My lips were fastened around the head of his penis when he let out a yell.

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY WIENER! IT HAPPENS TO EVERY GUY!"

His legs jerked out from under me, sending me sprawling backwards to the foot of the bed while I watched him scramble up to the headboard, covering the part of his penis sticking out of his underwear with both of his hands.

"Where's Gavin?" he asked, his eyes frantically searching around the room. “He doesn’t have a vagina.”

I lay there on my back at the end of the bed, propped up on my elbows, wondering what the f**k just happened.

"Um, I'm assuming he's still sleeping. And I'm guessing you are too," I replied.

“Where’s the farmer with the muffins?”

I extended one of my legs and shoved his thigh with my foot.

"CARTER!" I yelled. "Wake up!"

He finally looked at me then, his face scrunched up in confusion. He blinked rapidly and shook his head quickly like he was trying to jar things into place.

"I had another dream that you were giving me a blow job, just like the other morning when Gavin was in the living room watching me sleep. Damn, this one seemed so f**king real," he muttered.

I had no idea what he was talking about right now.

His eyes still glanced worriedly around the room like he expected Gavin to jump out from under the bed or something and shout, "Surprise! I saw Mommy blowing you!"

He looked back at me again. "Why are you laying at the bottom of the bed?"

I sighed and then pushed myself up so I could move back to the top of the bed next to him. When I got up there, I leaned my back against the headboard and glanced down at his lap - where his hands were still crisscrossed over his penis that stuck out of the top of his underwear. He followed my line of sight, moved his hands quickly and yanked his underwear up to cover himself.

What a shame.

"Well, Carter, this time you weren't dreaming. My mouth was on your penis when you decided to start flailing about, yelling about your wiener and our son with a vagina."

The look on his face would have been hilarious if my mouth wasn't depressed from the loss of his penis in there. His penis should be allowed to have the Twizzler slogan, "Makes mouth happy."

"Oh my God. Tell me I didn't interrupt a blow job wake-up call. Say it isn't so and we can pretend I didn't just kick you off of my dick. I don't think my ego will recover from something like that."

I reached up and patted his cheek.

"Sorry, sweets, my mouth and lips were in fact all over your penis while you slept," I whispered.

He groaned.

"I have to say though, I'm a little surprised I never knew blow jobs included donkey kicks to the sternum."

He groaned again but this time in irritation.

"Shit! It's not my fault. Whenever I'm around you, even if I'm unconscious, my dick gets hard and I have dirty dreams about you. I thought I was having a repeat of the other morning and I freaked out."

He looked at me and pouted his lips.

"Pretty please, do it again?" he begged.

I laughed at how much he sounded like a child right now.

The door to the bedroom suddenly burst open and Gavin flew in the room, scrambled up onto the bed and in between the two of us.

"Morning, Mommy," Gavin said as he snuggled into my side.

Carter sighed, knowing there was no use in begging any more. He smiled though and watched me wrap Gavin in my arms and slide down the headboard to get under the covers.