Shatter

Jaymeson stared at the ground. His eyes were bloodshot. I didn’t know whether I needed to give him a hug or slap him to he’d snap out of it.

“Um…” Exhaling, he crossed his arms. “I just need someone to tell me what to do. If I stay I won’t get to see her, if I leave I feel like a shitty stepson.”

“Be the shitty stepson,” Alec said from behind me. “I just talked to the nurse and she’ll be out the rest of the day and most likely the night. We can come back later this evening if you want.”

After a few minutes Jaymeson nodded.

“What about Nat?” I asked Alec.

He laughed. “Her dad’s all over it. He said she needs to rest for a bit, so I’m going to go hang out in her room. Just bring me some food later tonight when you come back, okay? I hate hospital food.”

I patted Alec on the back and grabbed Alyssa’s hand. “Let’s go.”

Jaymeson followed and grumbled something about being the third wheel. At least he had somewhat of a sense of humor back. But I knew that would be short-lived the minute he came face to face with Angelica again.

After all, the only reason the shit hit the fan was because she was throwing it — and I knew Jaymeson wasn’t going to let her get away with it. And if for some reason he did decide to take the high road, I was fully ready to drive that bitch back into hell myself.

Chapter Thirty-five

Alec

I wondered if I should be concerned that she was still sleeping? I knew they had given her something to help calm her down.

Shit, I could go for something to calm me down right about now. I went into her room again and sat in the chair, closing my eyes against fluorescent lights. Sleep. I needed to do something other than worry.

****

“What the hell?” I snapped as something smacked me in the head.

Demetri grinned. “Have a nice nap?”

“You ass. You better have a good reason for waking me up. I could have died from… fright.”

“Did you just use the word fright?” Demetri leaned in and looked at my pupils. “Weird. And you aren’t even high.”

I pushed him away. “What do you want?”

“Ah, I come bearing gifts.”

“Last time you said that I woke up in jail.”

“That was one time, and how was I supposed to know it was illegal?”

“Things involving drugs and public nudity are always illegal.”

Demetri waved me off and pointed to the corner of the room where my guitar case was leaning against the wall. “I know how you get when you’re worried. You’re like a mother hen, only you have no chicks, so I figured rather than drive Nat insane with worry when she wakes up… you could make yourself useful and write some more songs for our next album.”

“You want me to work?”

Demetri rolled his eyes. “Why is everyone under the impression that what we do is actually work? It’s fun. I want you to have fun. I want you to relax. I want you to spend five damn minutes doing nothing but listening to the music and getting lost in it. I want you to remember.”

“Remember?”

Demetri slapped my back and shuffled out of the room calling behind him, “Remember why we’re so damn good.”

I laughed out loud as he turned and waved goodbye.

Nat was still sleeping peacefully, and as much as I hated to admit that my younger idiot brother was right… I did need a release. A healthy one. One that wouldn’t get me killed or cause me to hurt others.

I walked over to my case and pulled out my guitar. It was one of my favorites, which of course Demetri knew. I’d bought the Tanglewood the year after I’d overdosed on my anti-depressants. I’d been in a really low place.

Writing music had brought me out of it for a brief while. And then came Nat. My air.

I didn’t want to wake her up, but my fingers shook with the need to strum the guitar. I cleared my throat and sat in the corner by the window.

I strummed a few chords and glanced at Nat. Her face was like an angel. I felt so worn, so tired. My body was weak. I needed rest. But more than anything, I needed to feel alive without sucking the life from those around me. I closed my eyes and sang the first words that came.

The best of it all is you’re still here

The sadness in my heart and earth-shaking fear—

Don’t leave.

It’s as if a part of me is missing when you aren’t near,

Yet I hear,

I hear your voice and I can’t keep myself from fading,

Fading into something I don’t recognize.

How can you be both my poison and my savior?

My lover and my rescuer?

Shattered. I’m shattered without you.

I can’t find the pieces, they’re broken and jagged

And no longer have a reason to mend,

But I want to know that you’ll try.

I need to hear you say you’ll fix what’s been worn,

Put together what’s been torn.

I may be shattered and scattered.

I’m freaking bleeding and battered—

Torn, so torn.

But if you’ll still have me. I’m yours.

The worst of it all—

The part I can’t hide, is that I failed.

My demons can no longer hide,

Not in the presence of an angel.

I’m pulling myself out of hell—

With your help — all will finally be well.

Together, but apart, in order to pursue your heart.

I’m going to run, I’m going to fight,