Shopaholic and Sister

Abruptly I reach for a pencil and paper. OK. I’ll look deep down inside myself and be really, really honest. Becky Bloomwood: Difficulties of Living With1.

My mind is blank. I cannot think of a single thing.

Come on. Be truthful and unsparing. There must be something. What are the fundamental problems between us? What are the real issues?

Suddenly it hits me. I always mix and match my shampoos in the shower, and Luke complains I leave all the lids off and he steps on them. Becky Bloomwood: Difficulties of Living With1. Leaves shampoo lids off

Yes. And I’m scatty. I’m always forgetting the number for the burglar alarm. There was the time I had to phone the police and ask them, and they sent two squad cars round. Becky Bloomwood: Difficulties of Living With1. Leaves shampoo lids off2. Forgets alarm number

I consider the list uncertainly. There must be more to it. There must be something really significant and profound.

Suddenly I gasp and clap my hand to my mouth.

The CDs. Luke always complains that I take them out and don’t put them back in their cases.

Which I know doesn’t sound that profound — but maybe it was the last straw in the haystack. And besides, I read an article in Marie Claire yesterday which said it’s the little, niggling things which count in a relationship.

I hurry to the sitting room and head straight for the jumbled pile of CDs by the music system. As I sort them out I feel a kind of lightness. A liberation. This will be the turning point in our marriage.

I stack them neatly and wait till Luke walks past the door on his way to the bedroom.

“Look!” I call out with a note of pride in my voice. “I’ve organized the CDs! They’re all back in their proper boxes!”

Luke glances into the room.

“Great,” he says with an absent nod, and carries on walking.

Is that all he can say?

Here I am, mending our troubled marriage, and he hasn’t even noticed.

Suddenly the buzzer goes in the hall, and I leap to my feet. This must be Mum and Dad. I’ll have to get back to our marriage later.

I knew that Mum and Dad had really got into their counseling, but somehow I wasn’t expecting them to turn up with slogans on their sweatshirts. Mum’s reads I AM WOMAN, I AM GODDESS and Dad’s says DON’T LET THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN.

“Wow!” I say, trying to hide my surprise. “Those are great!”

“We got them at the center,” says Mum, beaming. “Aren’t they fun?”

“So you must be really enjoying your therapy.”

“It’s marvelous!” exclaims Mum. “So much more interesting than bridge. And so sociable! We did a group session the other day and who do you think should have turned up? Marjorie Davis, who used to live across the road!”

“Really?” I say in surprise. “Did she get married, then?”

“Oh no!” Mum lowers her voice tactfully. “She has boundary issues, poor thing.”

I can’t quite get my head round all this. What on earth are boundary issues?

“So… er… do you have issues?” I say as we go into the kitchen. “Has it all been really hard going?”

“Oh, we’ve been to the abyss and back,” says Mum, nodding. “Haven’t we, Graham?”

“Right to the edge,” says Dad agreeably.

“But the rage and guilt are behind us now. We’re both empowered to live and love.” She beams at me and roots around in her holdall. “I brought a nice Swiss roll. Shall we put the kettle on?”

“Mum’s found her inner goddess,” says Dad proudly. “She walked on hot coals, you know!”

I gape at her.

“You walked on hot coals? Oh my God! I did that in Sri Lanka! Did it hurt?”

“Not at all! It was painless!” says Mum. “I kept my gardening shoes on, of course,” she adds as an afterthought.

“Wow!” I say. “That’s brilliant.” I watch as Mum briskly slices the Swiss roll. “So what kind of things do you talk about?”

“Everything!” She starts arranging the slices on a plate. “I had resentment issues, of course…”

“You were in denial,” Dad chimes in.

“Oh, I found it hard at first.” Mum nods. “The fact that Daddy had another woman in his life. And a daughter, no less. But then… it was all before he met me. And the truth is, a man as handsome as your father was bound to have a few escapades.” Mum looks at Dad with a coquettish smile. “I could never resist him… so why should other women?”

Is Mum fluttering her eyelashes?

“I could never resist you,” Dad replies with a flirty lift to his voice.