Shopaholic Ties the Knot
“Well… we’re going.”
“Thank you for a wonderful wedding,” I say sincerely. “It was really amazing. Everyone’s been saying how wonderful it is.” I bend to kiss her. “Good-bye.”
“Good-bye, Becky,” she says in that formal way of hers. “Good-bye, Luke.”
“Good-bye, Mother.”
They gaze at each other — and for a moment I think Elinor’s going to say something else. But instead she leans forward rather stiffly and kisses Luke on the cheek.
“Becky!” I feel someone poking me on the shoulder. “Becky, you’re not going yet!” I turn round to see Robyn looking perturbed.
“Er… yes. We’re off. Thank you so much for everything you’ve—”
“You can’t go yet!”
“No one’ll notice,” I say, glancing around the party.
“They have to notice! We have an exit planned, remember? The rose petals? The music?”
“Well… maybe we could forget the exit—”
“Forget the exit?” Robyn stares at me. “Are you joking? Orchestra!” she says urgently into her headpiece. “Segue to ‘Some Day.’ Do you copy? Segue to ‘Some Day.’ ” She lifts the walkie-talkie. “Lighting crew, stand by with rose petals.”
“Robyn,” I say helplessly. “Honestly, we just wanted to slip away quietly…”
“My brides do not slip away quietly! Cue fanfare,” she mutters into her headpiece. “Lighting crew, prepare exit spotlight.”
There’s a sudden loud fanfare of trumpets, and the guests on the dance floor all jump. The lighting changes from disco beat to a radiant pink glow, and the band starts to play “Some Day My Prince Will Come.”
“Go, Beauty and Prince,” says Robyn, giving me a little shove. “Go! One two three, one two three…”
Exchanging looks, Luke and I make it onto the dance floor, where the guests part to let us through. The music is all around us, a spotlight is following our path, and all of a sudden, rose petals start falling gently from the ceiling.
This is rather lovely, actually. Everyone’s beaming benevolently, and I can hear some “Aahs” as we go by. The glow of pink light is like being inside a rainbow, and the rose petals smell wonderful as they land on our heads and arms and drift to the floor. Luke and I are smiling at each other, and there’s a petal in his hair—
“Stop!”
As I hear the voice, I feel a sudden chill, right to the marrow of my bones.
The double doors have opened, and there she is, standing in the doorway. Wearing a black suit and the highest, pointiest black boots I’ve ever seen.
Everyone turns to look, and the orchestra peters out uncertainly.
“Oh, look!” I hear someone saying in delight. “That’s so cute, they even thought of a witch!”
“Alicia?” says Luke in astonishment. “What are you doing here?”
“Having a good wedding, Luke?” she says sweetly, and takes a few steps into the room.
“Come in,” I say quickly. “Come on in and join the party. We would have invited you…”
“I know what you’re doing, Becky.”
“We’re getting married!” I say, trying to sound lighthearted. “No prizes for guessing that!”
“I know exactly what you’re doing.” She meets my eye. “I’ve got friends in Surrey, and they’ve been checking things out.”
No.
Please, no.
“I think you have a teeny little secret you’re not sharing with the rest of your guests.” Alicia pulls a mock-concerned face. “That’s not very polite, is it?”
I need my fairy godmothers, quick. I need someone to zap her with twinkle dust.
Laurel shoots me a horrified look.
Christina puts down her champagne glass.
“Code red, Code red,” I hear Robyn’s voice crackling from the bouquet. “Urgent. Code red.”
Now Alicia’s walking around the dance floor, taking her time, relishing the attention.
“The truth is,” she says pleasantly, “this is all a bit of a sham. Isn’t it, Becky?”
My eye flickers behind her. Two burly minders in tuxedos are approaching the dance floor. But they’re not going to get there in time. It’s all going to be ruined.
“It all looks so lovely. It all looks so romantic.” Her voice suddenly hardens. “But what people might like to know is that this so-called perfect Plaza wedding is actually a complete and utter… arrrgh!” Her voice rises to a scream. “Put me down!”