Shopaholic to the Stars

“You shoot on film?” Bryce glances up, interested. “Old school, huh. Excuse me for asking, but … do I know your work?”

I hear Suze give a sudden snuffle of laughter, just as I catch on myself: Bryce thinks Tarkie’s a director. Tarkie! I cannot think of anyone in my life less likely to direct a film.

“My work?” Tarquin looks slightly hunted. “You mean … the work on Letherby Hall?”

“Letherby Hall.” Bryce frowns. “I didn’t see it, I’m afraid. Was it released worldwide?”

Tarquin seems totally baffled. I catch Suze’s eye and try not to burst into giggles.

“Anyhow.” Bryce bounces the ball a couple of times. “You want to join in?”

“Join in?”

“Volleyball.” He gestures at the guys waiting for him on the beach.

“Oh.” Tarquin looks taken aback. “I don’t think—”

“Go on!” says Suze. “Go on, Tarkie. It’s just what you need after the flight.”

Reluctantly, Tarquin gets to his feet and follows Bryce down onto the beach. A few moments later he’s in the game, and hitting some pretty good shots, I notice.

“Tarkie’s excellent at volleyball!” I exclaim.

“Oh yes, he’s quite good at that kind of thing,” says Suze vaguely. “He played Fives for Eton. That Bryce is something, isn’t he?”

She’s not even watching her own husband. Her eyes are fixed on Bryce. This is what he’s like. Everyone gets a crush on him, male and female alike.

A waiter comes over and I order lots of different juices for us and the children, and I’m about to ask Suze what she wants to do first, like maybe the Walk of Fame or Rodeo Drive or the Hollywood sign … when I notice someone out of the corner of my eye. A blond someone, wandering down toward the beach, in white yoga pants and a pink racing-back top.

“She’s here,” I mutter, turning my head away swiftly. “Don’t look.”

“Who?” Suze immediately swivels her head all around. “Someone famous?”

“No. Someone hideous in every way.”

Suze suddenly spots her and gasps, “Alicia Bitch Long-legs!”

“Shhh!” I pull at Suze. “Turn away. Don’t engage. Aloof and flinty.”

“Right,” says Suze vaguely, without moving.

I’d related the whole awful Alicia encounter to Suze on the phone, but she was waxing her legs at the same time, and I’m not sure she was listening properly.

“She’s lost weight,” says Suze critically. “And her hair looks really good. I like her top—”

“Stop complimenting her! And don’t attract her attention.”

But it’s too late. Alicia’s heading our way. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen her at Golden Peace, but it’s the first time she’s actually come over to speak to me. In Golden Peace terms, Alicia is virtually royalty. There’s a great big picture of her and Wilton up in the lobby, and when the pair of them walked through the crowded café last week, everyone was practically bowing. Everyone except me.

“Suze.” Alicia doesn’t even look at me but greets Suze with her new soft voice, and I see Suze blink in surprise. “It’s been a long time.”

“Hi, Alicia,” says Suze warily.

“You must be here visiting Rebecca. Are those your children?” She turns to look at Ernest, Wilfrid, and Clementine, who are running raucously round the slide. “They’re stunning! And I love those cute little jackets.”

“Oh, thanks!” says Suze. She sounds disarmed, and I scowl inwardly. That’s a typical underhanded trick. Compliment the children.

“How long are you here?” adds Alicia.

“Not sure yet,” says Suze.

“Only I was going to say, if you’d like them to go to school during your stay, I could fix it up. Our children go to a very good preschool, don’t they, Rebecca?” She manages to glance toward me without meeting my eye. “And there’s a private school nearby, which might do for the older one. I should think he’s quite advanced?”

“Well.” Suze blossoms. “He is quite bright.”

“I could have a word with the principals. It might be fun for them to experience a U.S. education briefly. The semester’s nearly over, but then there are some great summer programs.”

“Wow.” Suze seems taken aback. “Well, that would be great. But are you sure—”

“It’s no trouble.” Alicia gives her wafty smile again, then turns serious. “Suze, I know our friendship hasn’t always been straightforward.”