Size 12 and Ready to Rock

“I don’t feel like talking about it,” Sarah says, sullen again. “It’s personal.”

I’m fairly certain I know what’s troubling her. She’s had another fight with Sebastian Blumenthal, the first real love of her life. Sebastian’s head of the GSC, the Graduate Student Union, and teaches at New York College. I once strongly suspected him of murder, but I guess that’s not unusual, given that he carries a man purse . . . not a messenger bag or a backpack, but an honest-to-goodness murse.

“That’s all right,” I say to Sarah. “Maybe we can talk about it tomor—”

“Great, bye,” Sarah interrupts, and hangs up on me.

Wow. I can’t keep track of all the ups and downs of Sarah’s turbulent relationship, but I do know that tomorrow morning I’ll be picking up chocolate croissants on my way in to work. They usually cheer her up.

I hang up too, then turn around and notice that Jordan has come out onto the terrace. He’s joined Cooper and Christopher and Stephanie, who’ve stood up from the table. Tania is still sitting on the couch inside. She’s pulled a large designer purse onto her lap and is digging around in it. The EMTs appear to have gone.

I go stand by Cooper’s side and catch only the tail end of what Jordan is saying.

“—definitely dehydrated and most likely anemic.”

“Well, that’s no surprise,” Stephanie says. “She’s vegan.”

Cooper says, without a hint of irony in his voice, “You know, Stephanie, I’ve heard it’s possible these days to be vegan and not be anemic.”

I hide a smile. Cooper eats cheeseburgers like they’re about to be declared illegal, and he needs to get as many under his belt as possible before the legislation passes. The worst part of it is that he never gains an ounce—possibly from his enthusiastic exercise regime, which includes playing one-on-one basketball on the Third Street courts—and has the blood pressure of a polar bear. Some people have all the luck in the genetic lottery.

So it’s amusing to see him coming to the defense of a vegetarian.

“I’m just saying.” Stephanie had obviously been assuming, because Cooper’s a guy, that she could score points with him by maligning vegans. Ha. Wrong. Cooper doesn’t care what people do, so long as they don’t hurt other people. “She’s pregnant. She needs to be careful. Pregnant women need more iron than the rest of us, and there’s a lot of iron in red meat.”

“That’s what the ambulance lady said.” Jordan is looking worried. “She told us Tania should see her private physician tomorrow morning for blood work. But also that Tania should go home now and rest.”

“Of course,” Stephanie says, putting her hand on Jordan’s shoulder and patting it. “Of course she should. You two go home and get some sleep. It’s been a long night.”

This is quite a turnaround from before, when Stephanie had been standing there practically forcing them to keep filming, even though Tania had fainted. I wonder what’s changed.

“I’ll set up an appointment with Tania’s ob-gyn tomorrow morning. Don’t you worry about a thing.” She’s already typing swiftly into her cell phone with one hand and at the same time snapping at the production assistant with the other. “Lauren. Lauren. Tell them to pull the car around. Jordan and Tania need to leave. Everyone, you can start loading up your stuff. We’re going.”

Lauren, standing at the far side of the terrace enjoying a cigarette with Marcos the boom guy, puts down her Red Bull and touches her headset, then begins speaking swiftly into it. The rest of the crew go inside and begin to pack away their equipment.

“So,” Stephanie says to me and Cooper, “after we drop off Jordan and Tania, would you two like to join us for a drink back at Epiphany? I’d love to get to know you a little better. I think it would be amazing to have you do a little cameo on the show, Heather. The fact that you used to live with one Cartwright brother but now you—”

“Live with another?” I finish for her quickly, my gaze going to Jordan. “No, that’s okay. My career in the entertainment business is finished, I’m afraid. Besides, it’s a little late for drinks. I’m a regular working girl now and have to be back here at nine tomorrow morning, so, no.”

Jordan is looking from me to Cooper. “You guys sure?” he asks. “It would be fun to have you on the show. Mom and Dad would love it.”

“No thanks,” Cooper says, like he’s refusing seconds at dinner.

“Suit yourself,” Jordan says. “But we should still do drinks sometime. Well, Tania can’t drink, but, you know. Hey.” He looks at Stephanie. “Speaking of Tania, that’s not all.”

“Uh-huh.” Stephanie’s gaze has gone back to her keypad, like the mere mention of Tania Trace forces her to start text-ing. “What else?”

Jordan’s gaze strays toward Tania, back in the Allingtons’ living room. She’s found what it was she was looking for in her bag. Incredibly, it’s a live dog—a Chihuahua—that Tania is holding up in the air, oblivious to everyone else in the room. The dog wriggles in ecstasy, probably from a combination of finally being released from the bag and seeing its mistress. Tania smiles fondly up at the dog, which promptly begins to lick her all over the face.

This is pretty normal behavior for a dog owner—Lucy and I regularly share the same plate. I can’t help it if she jumps onto the couch and starts eating my food, and I’ve caught Cooper letting her do the exact same thing. I know the Dog Whisperer wouldn’t approve, but what are we going to do, push her away? She came from the shelter, she was probably abused as a puppy.

Of course, it’s a problem that lately the cat, Owen, has started to move in on the action as well.

I’m not at all surprised to see Tania letting her dog give her face a tongue bath, but Stephanie, who’s also followed Jordan’s gaze, looks away, revolted.

“What is it, Jordan?” she asks.

“It’s about the camp,” Jordan says. “The rock camp?”

“What about it?” Stephanie asks. I notice the vein in her head has begun to throb again.

“Tania says she doesn’t want to go. Not without Bear.”

“Well, she’s going to have to go without Bear,” Stephanie says, without looking up from her screen. “Because Bear is going to have to get his spleen removed thanks to the stray bullet that pierced it, and he’s not going to be springing back from that any time soon. At least, not in time to go to rock camp with Tania.”