Size 12 Is Not Fat

Magda sighs when she hears this.

“Okay,” she says, regretfully. “But it could have been just like a movie.”

I spend my time at Banking carefully not thinking about the night before—which had definitely been nothing like a movie. If it had been like a movie, Jordan would have showed up this morning with a big bouquet of roses and two tickets to Vegas.

Not, you know, that I’d have gone with him. But like I said, it would have been nice to be asked.

I’m walking back across the park, toward Fischer Hall, mentally rehearsing the “I’m sorry, but I just can’t marry you” speech I decide I’m going to give to Jordan in case, you know, he does turn up with the flowers and the tickets, when I look up, and there he is.

No, seriously. I practically bump into him on the sidewalk in front of the building.

“Oh,” I say, clutching an envelope filled with dollar bills to my chest protectively, like it might be able to ward him off. “Hi.”

“Heather,” Jordan says. He’s standing beside a black stretch limo parked—not exactly unobtrusively—in front of the dorm. He’s obviously just come from his press junket. He doesn’t have any roses with him, but he does have on multiple platinum chains and a very hang-dog look.

Still, I don’t feel too sorry for him. After all, I’m the one with the rug burns on my ass.

“I’ve been waiting out here for you,” Jordan says. “Your boss said you’d be back within the hour, but—”

Oops. It’s eleven-thirty, and I’d left the office at ten. Rachel probably hadn’t anticipated my heading out to the park to chat with Magda.

“Well,” I say. “I’m back.” I look around, but I still don’t see any flowers. Which is fine, since I’ve forgotten my speech anyway. “What’s up?”

You are not getting back together with him, I tell myself, firmly. You are not getting back together with him. Even if he crawls on his knees…

Well, maybe if he crawls on his knees.

No! Not even then! He’s the wrong brother, remember? The wrong brother!

Jordan looks around uncomfortably. “Listen. Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“We can talk right here,” I say. Because I know if I go off somewhere alone with him, I might do something I’ll regret later.

Might? I already had.

“I’d feel better,” he says, “if we could talk inside the limo.”

“I’d feel better,” I say—stay strong, stay strong—“if you’d just say what you have to say.”

Jordan looks surprised at the firmness of my tone. It surprises me, too.

That’s when I realize that he probably believes I think we’re getting back together or something.

Ahem.

Next thing I know, he’s spilling his guts right there on the sidewalk.

“It’s just that…I’m…I’m really confused right now, Heather,” he says. “I mean, you’re so…well, you’re just great. But Tania…I talked it over with Dad, and I just…well, I can’t break up with Tania right now. Not with the new album coming out. My dad says—”

“What?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I mean, I believe it. I just can’t believe he’s actually saying it.

“Seriously, Heather. He’s really pissed about that photo in the Post—”

“You don’t think that I—”

“No, no, of course not. But it looks really bad, Heather. Tania’s got the best-selling album on the label right now, and my dad says, you know, if I were to leave her, it’d really hurt my new album’s chances of—”

“Okay,” I say. I don’t think I can bear to hear any more. This so isn’t anything I’d rehearsed a speech for. “It’s all right. Really, Jordan. It is.”

And the weirdest thing is that, at that moment, it kind of is all right. Somehow, hearing Jordan tell me that he can’t get back together with me because his dad won’t like it completely snuffs out whatever romantic feelings I still have for him.

Not that I had any. Anymore.

Jordan’s mouth kind of falls open in astonishment. He’d clearly been expecting tears of some kind. And in a way, I do feel like crying. But not because of him.

I don’t see any point in telling Jordan that, though. I mean, the guy has enough problems as it is. Sarah would probably have a field day diagnosing all his deep-seated neuroses…

Jordan returns my smile with almost childlike relief, and says, “Wow. Okay. That’s just…that’s really sweet of you, Heather.”

Strangely enough, all I can think of at that moment is Cooper. Not, you know, how sad it is that I think he’s so hot, and he barely knows I’m alive…except, you know, for the fact that the pile of receipts on his desk keeps slowly disappearing.

No, I find myself actually praying that Cooper, wherever he is, doesn’t happen to pick up a copy of this morning’s Post. Because the last thing I want is him knowing I’d been making out with—and thank God this was all the Post had photographic evidence of—his brother on his front stoop…

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been working in Fischer Hall for so long that I’ve sort of developed a sixth sense about these things or what. But it’s right about then that I feel something. A sudden rush of air, a shadow out of the corner of my eye, and I let go of Jordan’s hand fast and yell, “Look out!” before I’m even completely aware of what’s happening.

Then the next thing I know, there’s a sickening thudding sound, then a crash. Then dirt and sharp things are flying through the air.

When I take my arms away from my head and uncover my eyes, I’m horrified to see Jordan sprawled across the sidewalk next to his limo, a huge gash on the side of his head from which blood is pumping steadily, making a soup out of the fine layer of dirt, geraniums, and cement shards that litter the area.

I’m transfixed with shock for a second or two.

Then I’m on my knees at Jordan’s side.

“Ohmigod!” A girl who’d been standing a few feet away, trying to hail a taxi, comes running up. “Ohmigod, I saw the whole thing! It was a plant! A potted plant! It came flying down from that penthouse up there!”

“Go inside,” I say to her, in a calm voice I don’t recognize as my own, “and tell the security guard to call an ambulance and the police. Then ask the desk attendant for the first aid kit.”