“Trinity, don’t go down that road any farther. Without even knowing you this whole time, I know you’ve been blaming yourself for two years. You are not responsible for your mom’s death.”

I swallowed, still utterly thrown by the fact I was talking about this. Jada would be so shocked she’d want to record this moment. “I’m not? Because what if that was the time I was supposed to use it? What if we were taking the whole ‘being called by my father’ thing too literally? What if—?”

“Stop. You’re not responsible. You didn’t hurt her. That was on this Warden. Him. Not you.”

I knew I hadn’t hurt her with my hands, but I couldn’t help but think I had hurt her with my actions. It was hard getting past the fact that, at the end of the day, my behavior had played into a chain of events that led to her death.

Zayne was quiet for a long moment. “I think... Sometimes I think my father is still here.”

I looked up at him, pressing my lips together.

“Almost like I can...feel him? I know he’s not here, and it’s probably because there are times I forget he’s gone. I find myself thinking about telling him something and then it hits me. He’s gone.”

“I still have those days,” I admitted. “I don’t think we’ll ever stop having those days.”

“No, we probably won’t.” He took a deep breath, and I felt it. “Things weren’t good between us toward the end. We were barely speaking to one another.”

I was able to put two and two together from what he’d told me previously. “Because of Layla?”

“Yeah, because of her.” He fell quiet again, so long that my eyes began to drift shut, and then he spoke. “But before he died, he’d begun to realize that how someone was born and what they are didn’t dictate whether they were good or bad. Life, even for creatures we think don’t have the free will to choose between good and evil, isn’t the sum of DNA. Everyone is...a lot more complicated than that.”

“Did you guys get a chance to talk it out before he died?” I asked.

“A little.” Zayne went silent, and it seemed like an eternity stretched out between us before he said, “You okay with me turning off the light?”

My eyes opened. “Are you leaving?”

“If you want me to, I will.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Then I won’t for now.” He paused.

For now lingered in the space between us as I looked to where my hand fell. “Can you stay for a little while?”

“Yeah.” The bed moved a little as he reached for the light. A moment later the room plunged into darkness. “The picture? You look like your mom.”

I smiled into the darkness. “I do.”

“Nice reading material by the way.”

“Shut up.” My smile grew. He’d must’ve seen it before he turned off the lights. “That was my mom’s favorite book—and mine.”

“Maybe I’ll have to read it.”

“Not sure Vikings are going to be your thing.”

“You never know.” There was a pause. “I think my ceiling could use some stars.”

It took me a moment to realize what he was saying. “Do you really?”

“Yes.” He chuckled softly. “You sound like you don’t believe me.”

“I thought you’d find them childish or something, and I cannot picture you with stars all over your ceiling.”

“I’m full of surprises, Trinity.”

My toes curled at the way he said my name.

I don’t know how much time passed after that, but I was still awake and I...I wanted to know more about Zayne. “I have questions.”

A soft chuckle radiated from him and shook the bed. “There isn’t a single part of me that is surprised.”

My smile returned. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“What?” Zayne huffed quietly. “I’m not sure how to answer that question.” He paused. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“That’s easy to answer,” I said, wanting to bury my face in the pillow. “I’m a Trueborn who lives with Wardens who think I’m a human. Not exactly a lot of dating options.”

“Good point.” He shifted, and I felt his leg move just the slightest against mine. “And you and Misha never had anything?”

“No. Seriously. I already told you that I had a crush on him for, like, five seconds. I’ve had a lot of crushes, but Misha and I have never looked at each other like that. Plus Trueborns aren’t supposed to hook up with their Protectors,” I told him.

“Why?” he asked.

I half shrugged. “It goes against the rules and supposedly messes with the bond. I don’t know how. It was never really explained to me.” I paused. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

“Mainly because I really don’t know how to answer that.”

“You’re good-looking. You’re funny and charming when you’re not being annoying.”

“Thanks.” A pause. “I think.”

“You’re...a good guy,” I said. “So, just surprised that you’re single.”

Zayne seemed to ponder that. “You know Wardens are expected to mate. I’m almost twenty-two. Most males of my age are already mated with one child on the way.”

“Yes. So, why haven’t you mated and got to baby making?”

He shifted beside me. “If you ask my clansmen, they’ll say I have little respect for tradition, but no one is going to force me into a lifelong commitment, even if that life isn’t going to be that long.”

My heart dropped. “Are you planning to die soon?”

“I wake up every day knowing it could be the last. I don’t plan for it. I just accept it,” he answered. “It was what I was trained from birth to do.”

I mulled that over, realizing that what he spoke was the truth. Not a lot of Wardens made it to retirement age. It was one of the reasons they mated and had children so quickly. “Have you ever wanted to do anything else?”

He sighed. “You do ask a lot of questions.”

“I do.” My hands relaxed on my stomach. “I understand you have this huge, important duty, but was there ever a time when you didn’t want to be out there? That you wanted to do something else? Is being a warrior what you want?”

“Whoa. Okay. That was a lot of questions. Do I want to be out there? Is this what I want?” He repeated my questions and then let out a little laugh. “You know, no one has ever asked me that. Not even—” He cut himself off, and I wondered how he would’ve finished that sentence. “It’s all I know, Trinity.”

I bit down on my lip. “That doesn’t answer my questions.”

“I know,” he replied.

The pressure on my chest increased. “What...what would you do if you weren’t a Warden?”

“I can’t answer that.”

“Try.” I nudged his leg with my knee.

“I really can’t.” His arm moved out of my reach. “I’ve never thought about it. I’ve never even considered it.”

What kind of life was that without any options, even impossible dreams? I’d had them before I knew what I was. I still had dreams of doing more than what I was born to do, even if my options were seriously limited.

Silence fell between us, and after a moment, I asked, “Tell me... Tell me what it’s like growing up here, in the city.” I paused. “Please?”

There was that rough chuckle again and then he told me what it was like growing up as the only child in a large house with nothing but trained warriors to keep him company until Layla came along. He didn’t talk about her much, though. Instead, he spoke about how he spent afternoons shadowing his father, learning all the streets and the different buildings. I don’t know how long we talked, but after a while, I started to feel myself slip under.

I fell asleep with a smile.

27

I sat on the bed, cross-legged, and stared at the photo of Mom and me. I’d just gotten off the phone with Jada and Ty. Peanut was in the living room, jamming out to music only he could hear while Zayne spoke to someone on the phone. It was in the afternoon, around three, and we still had several hours before we would start patrolling.

Over the last several days, we hadn’t seen anything but Fiends. No Hellions. No Ravers. No strange creature killing both Wardens and demons. The nights had been rather long and boring, but when we got back to his place, usually close to three in the morning? Anything but boring. Ever since the night my nightmare had wakened him, he had been coming into the bedroom and staying up with me until I fell asleep. He was always gone in the morning, and although we talked about everything in the sometimes minutes, sometimes hours it took me to fall asleep, when we were awake and the sun was out, he didn’t mention visiting with me and I didn’t bring it up.

I didn’t know what it was, Zayne just being kind and keeping me distracted or something else, but I’d quickly found myself looking forward to it and the end of each patrol.

I missed Misha with every fiber of my being and there were only a few minutes of every day that I didn’t think about him, but once I found him, things would change between Zayne and me. I wouldn’t leave the city, not until I held up my end of the bargain, but I doubted I’d be staying with Zayne. Would Misha and I move into the compound? I was sure I’d see Zayne again, but things...things would be different.

I shoved those thoughts aside.

Tomorrow we would meet with Roth and the witches, and hopefully we’d find out something that would lead us to Misha.

Placing the phone on the bed, I glanced at the open door. Zayne had been gone when I woke up this morning, and him coming to me in the middle of the night felt like a dream.

I hoped it wasn’t.

Rising from the bed, I walked to the window and opened the blinds just enough to see outside. The day was bright and the weather looked warm. Exhaling heavily, I rested my forehead against the wall. I closed my eyes as I folded my arms across my waist.