Styxx

November 21, 2008



Styxx came awake facedown in a thick forest. Birds sang out as the sun streaked through the foliage around him. His ribs hurt like Galen had kicked them. And as he lay there, trying to get his bearings, he heard a beautiful contralto singing an ancient Egyptian lullaby. Tears filled his eyes as the Egyptian words reminded him of Bethany.



Unable to resist the siren's lure, he pushed himself up and headed toward the sound. He broke into a clearing, where he found Bethany on her blanket, cuddling a boy around the age of five in her arms. She saw Styxx and smiled a smile that set fire to every part of him.



"Look, little Galen, Daddy's finally home." She set the boy down and he ran for Styxx.



"Daddy! Daddy!"



Styxx couldn't breathe as the boy latched on to his leg and held it tight. His hand trembling, he brushed it through the short, wavy blond hair and stared in awe at the bright blue eyes that looked at him with total adoration and love.



Swinging the boy up in his arms, he melted as Galen laid his head on his shoulder and hugged him tight. "I missed you, Daddy. Did you bring me something?"



"He brought you himself," Bethany teased their son. "Is that not enough?"



Laughing, Galen fell back into his mother's arms. Bethany held him on her hip before she rose on her tiptoes to place a scorching kiss to Styxx's lips. "Just so you know, I'm furious at you."



"Why?"



"You made me miss you. But I'm so glad you're back that you're completely forgiven."



His heart pounded as she laid her head against his chest and held him with one arm. He wrapped both of his around the two of them and choked on a wave of tears. The scent of eucalyptus and lilies warmed him. He never wanted to move or let them go.



I must be dead.



But he didn't mind. This was the only place he'd ever wanted to be. Held tight in her arms.



Bethany handed Galen back to him then took his hand to lead him toward their tiny stone cottage. Inside, Galen's toys were strewn across the floor. His son kicked his short legs to let Styxx know he wanted down. After obliging him, Styxx gently pulled Bethany into his arms so that he could bury his face in her hair and inhale her sweet scent while she ran her hands down his back. Every hormone in his body roared to life.



"Galen?" she called.



"Mama?"



"Why don't you go play with Dynatos outside for a little while?"



Galen grabbed a ball and ran to the door.



"Don't go far! Stay so that I can hear you."



"Okay, Mama."



As soon as the door closed, she claimed his lips with a scorching kiss. Styxx couldn't think straight as she dropped his chlamys to the floor then untied his chiton so that she could touch him all over.



He loosened the rope belt around her waist and let it fall to the floor before he pulled her peplos over her head. His starving gaze scanned every inch of her beautiful naked body. He pulled her against him.



Laughing playfully, she jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist while she nipped his lips and chin with her teeth. "I'm so glad you're home."



"Oh, Beth, so am I. I feel like I've been gone for an eternity."



"Every heartbeat you're away is an eternity for me."



He savored those words as much as the sensation of her soft skin sliding against his.



She took his hand into hers and frowned. "You've new scars."



"They're not important."



"They are to me. I don't like for you to get hurt."



He hardened even more at the sound of love in those words. Needing to be inside her, he carried her to the bedroom. Though to be honest, he didn't want to wait to be inside her. But she was his heart and soul and the mother of his son. He didn't want to rut with her like her comfort meant nothing to him when all he desired in this world was for her to love him with one-tenth the intensity he felt for her.



Gently placing her on the bed, he recaptured her lips and slowly lowered himself between her legs. Trembling, he kissed his way down her neck and shoulders so that he could taste her taut, perfect areola.



"I love you, Beth," he whispered, rubbing his chin against her breast.



"It's a pittance compared to what I feel for you, my heart.... What kept you so long from us?"



"The gods I hate."



"You shouldn't hate the gods, Styxx."



How could he not? They had robbed him of everything. Even his dignity. But as he stared into the greenish-golden depths of her eyes, his hatred didn't matter anymore. "Then kiss me, Beth. Breathe your faith and love into me and I will hate no more."



She kissed him passionately then reached down between their bodies to slide him into her.



His breath left him in a gasp as he felt her cradling him. For a full minute, he couldn't move for fear of coming immediately.



"It's all right, love," she whispered in his ear. "I know how long it's been for you. Don't worry about me right now. We have the rest of the night for you to take your time pleasuring me." She thrust against him.



Pure bliss exploded through his entire body. Grinding his teeth, he roared with the force of it as he drove himself in as deep as he could and shuddered while she held him to her.



"That was worthless for you," he breathed raggedly into her ear.



She brushed her hand through his hair and toyed with it. "No, it wasn't. I have you in my arms and inside me. I'm happy as I can be. Besides, I know you'll make it up to me later."



Yes, he would.



Sighing, he listened to her heart beating against his ear while Dynatos barked outside and Galen laughed in play. Those sounds brought tears to his eyes.



"Dad!" Galen came running inside.



Styxx had barely pulled his chiton back on and covered Bethany before his son pounded on their door. Making sure he wouldn't scar the boy for life, he cracked open the door and knelt down. "What is it?"



"There's a turtle! Come see!"



Styxx belted his chiton then stepped into the kitchen and took Galen's hand so that Bethany could dress in peace. "Where is it?"



Galen ran with him outside to show it stuck in the mud by a tree. "I tried to free her, but couldn't reach it without getting dirty and I promised Mama I would stay clean for your homecoming."



Styxx knelt in the mud and pulled his son close as he remembered all the times his father had been a bastard to him because Styxx had wrinkled a garment or allowed a hem to sag. "You can roll around in it like a happy piglet for all I care, Galen. The only thing that matters to me is that you wear a smile when I come home to you. And that is the only thing I don't want tarnished." He held Galen out so that he could grab the turtle and pull her to safety.



He brushed his son's hair back and kissed his cheek. "Do you know where the khelone gets her name?"



"The gods!"



Smiling, Styxx helped Galen take the turtle to the pond and wash her off. "That's right. Khelone was a nymph who refused to attend Zeus and Hera's wedding feast, even though Hermes himself had gone to fetch her. Furious, Zeus went to the khelone and demanded to know why she would dare defy and disregard his authority. And do you know what she said?"



Galen shook his head.



"She said, and I quote ... be it ever so humble, there's no place like home."



"Is that why she carries her home on her back?"



"It is, indeed." Though the tale claimed Hermes and Zeus had done it as punishment for her refusal to leave her house. But that wasn't a punishment to Styxx. "If I could, I would carry you and your mother on my back with me everywhere I go."



"You'd look very silly, Daddy."



"Some things are worth looking silly for."



Screwing his face up, Galen shook his head vigorously. "I hate looking stupid."



"To make you and your mother laugh or smile, I'd paint myself pink and walk naked around the world."



Galen laughed then freed the turtle into the pond. He threw himself against Styxx and smeared mud all over him. Pulling back, Galen stiffened. "Uh-oh."



"What?"



Galen leaned in to whisper against his ear. "Mama's here and she doesn't look happy that we're covered in mud. You might want to get your sword and shield, Daddy."



"Don't worry," he whispered back. "I'll protect you."



"I don't see how."



Styxx's heart swelled at the sight of Bethany approaching them. "The secret is not to lop the head off the gorgon, son. It's to make her smile."



Galen's eyes grew even wider. "I think it would be easier to lop off her head."



"Only as the last resort." He kissed Galen's cheek then rose to his feet with Galen in his arms. Slowly, he approached Bethany who frowned at them.



"My two heroes mired in mud. What am I to do with you?"



"Oh, Beth, that answer's simple."



She arched a brow at him.



"Love us." He dipped his head to kiss her then playfully wiped his mud-covered hand down her cheek, leaving a long smear of it. Laughing, he cuddled Galen and stepped out of her reach.



Shrieking in mock anger, she ran at them.



Galen's laughter mixed with theirs as she and Dynatos chased them until the traitorous dog tripped him. Styxx hit the ground with his shoulder, making sure he kept Galen from harm. He rolled to his back so that Galen was straddling his chest. Bethany fell down on top of him and straddled his waist. She grabbed Galen in her arms and hugged him till he protested. Then she hugged him even harder.



"Daddy! Help! The gorgon's trying to squeeze the breath out of me."



"Help? Very well." He rose up to wrap his arms around Bethany and trap Galen between them.



Galen protested even more. "I meant help me, not the gorgon!"



Laughing, he cradled his son to his chest and laid his head on Bethany's shoulder. Yet even as he savored this happiness with them, he knew it wouldn't last.



It never did for him.



The thought of it ending tore through his soul with talons. Please, grant me this one wish. Please, just let me stay here with them.



But he knew the truth. Acheron had spoken it to him long ago.



Styxx was damned and happiness never came to the damned.



January 19, 2009



Urian ground his teeth as he led Savitar into Styxx's bedroom. "He's been like that for over a month."



Savitar gave Urian an arch stare.



"I know, right? It's like his whole body has shut down. He hasn't eaten or drank or even moved. Every now and again, he whispers in ancient Greek or Egyptian, but I can't make it out."



Frowning, Savitar pulled the blanket back to examine the wound Acheron had sealed. The moment he saw Styxx's extensive scarring he gaped in horror. "What the hell?"



Urian sighed as he understood Savitar's reaction. "Aside from being a war hero who fought in dozens of battles, he spent a year as a POW in Atlantis. He never really says much about it other than it sucked, but from the scars I'd say they tortured him the whole time he was there."



Savitar expelled a heavy breath. "I had no idea. Does Acheron know about this?"



"I don't know. Given his extreme hatred of Styxx, though, I'd say he doesn't care. He'd probably say Styxx deserved it."



Savitar felt Styxx's forehead. "How long has his fever been this high?"



"Since the fight with Stryker. He had it when I brought him home and it hasn't broken or gone down at all."



Savitar placed his hand to Styxx's throat. "He barely has a pulse."



"Yeah. I didn't know what to do. Not like I can call a doctor. I tried to tell Ash, but he said Styxx was probably faking it for attention. He told me Styxx couldn't die and would be fine. Not to concern myself with it. But he doesn't look fine. He looks like a corpse."



"All right. Stand back. I'm going to shock him out of this."



Urian moved to the doorway as Savitar placed his hand over Styxx's chest. A slight hum filled his ears a few seconds before what appeared to be a sledgehammer-like bolt shot from Savitar's hand into Styxx's chest.



Styxx's eyes flew open. Panting, he frowned at Savitar and then Urian as if he didn't recognize them at first. As soon as he did, his eyes filled with panic and tears.



"No!" Styxx breathed raggedly, sweeping the room with his gaze. "Beth! Galen!"



Styxx wanted to scream as he found himself not in his cottage, but back in hell. Desperate and hysterical, he rushed from his bed to frantically search his condo for his family.



They weren't here. They were gone.



All gone.



Treacherous agony tore him apart as he fell to his knees and bellowed. "Why did you bring me back here? Why? I was with them and we were happy! I was with them...." Styxx buried his head in his hands and tried to come to terms with the reality he despised. "Beth, don't leave me again ... please ... please come back to me ... I can't live without you anymore." And he couldn't stand the thought of being here alone.



Urian choked at the sight of a profound grief he knew better than anyone. For a long time, he'd hated Ash for bringing him back to life. Every day he lived without Phoebe was a day he despised with fury.



Why didn't I leave him alone?



Had he known Styxx was in a coma with his family, he'd have left him there forever.



His heart breaking for his newfound friend, Urian knelt down beside Styxx and gathered him into his arms. "I'm sorry, Styxx. We didn't know."



Savitar came up to them and placed his hand on Styxx's shoulder, knocking him out again. "Unfortunately, he won't stay that way."



"Help me put him back in bed."



Instead of helping, Savitar picked Styxx up as if he weighed nothing and carried him to the bedroom. There was something weird about how Savitar was acting now. But Urian didn't know him well enough to even hazard a guess about his thoughts.



"It's disturbing, isn't it?" Savitar asked him as Urian entered the bedroom.



"What?"



"How much he favors Ash."



Urian shrugged. "They're identical twins. I had two sets of brothers who were, too. But while they may share looks and some tendencies, they are usually very different people."



Savitar swept his gaze around the room then opened the closet where Styxx had two pairs of jeans folded neatly on the top shelf. One sweater, a jacket, two long-sleeved button-downs, and three short-sleeved shirts. One pair of shoes. Frowning, Savitar continued searching all six rooms of the condo.



Curious, Urian followed him around. "What are you looking for?"



"What's your impression of this place?"



Urian answered with the first word that popped into his head. "Spartan."



Savitar nodded. "Not exactly the kind of place a spoiled prince would be happy in, is it?" He handed a bankbook to Urian. "Acheron gave him plenty of money. And you can tell by the lack of dishes, he doesn't do much, if any, entertaining. The only thing he appears to have splurged on is the computer."



"Only because I ordered it for him. He didn't know anything about them and asked my advice."



Savitar picked up Styxx's phone, looked at it then handed it to Urian. "Yours is the only number he has, and it's the only one he's called."



And not often, and even then not for very long. Their longest conversation had been about the computer and that had probably been no more than twenty minutes, tops.



Urian sighed. "I assumed he had other people he hung out with."



"Has he said anything to you about being alone?"



"He really doesn't talk much. He mostly asks questions about modern things he can't figure out. Or customs and phrases he's unfamiliar with."



Savitar scowled. "Does he ever mention Ash or their sister?"



"Only if I bring them up, and then he quickly deflects the conversation to another topic. Tonight notwithstanding, or when he and Ash went at each other, he's usually quiet and reserved. Unassuming. But he does have a wicked sense of humor."



"How so?"



Urian smiled at the memories of their brief conversations. "One of my personal faves ... he made a snarky remark over a random online encounter and then apologized by saying that he was so allergic to stupidity that it caused him to break out into rampant sarcasm. Another time, I made the comment that he was a leader and not follower. He corrected me by saying if it was a dark place with loud growls then fuck that shit, he'd gladly follow me in to investigate it."



Savitar laughed.



Urian continued, "He also wanted to know why sour cream, buttermilk, and blue cheese have expiration dates. Why boxing rings are always square. Why buildings burn up as they're burning down." He paused to laugh. "And my two favorites, he asked why we have doctors now and not physicians."



Savitar screwed his face up. "They're the same."



"That's what I said, but then he pointed out to me that back in the so-called barbarian days, we didn't have doctors who practiced medicine, but rather physicians who healed you ... or killed you, just like now. He asked me how modern man could trust someone with so little confidence of knowledge of their field that they told you right up-front that they were still in the learning process."



Savitar snorted. "I never thought of it that way."



"Yeah, and a few months ago, he was in a grocery store and wanted to know why lemon juice was artificially flavored, but dishwashing soap contained real lemons. And what did modern people have against turkeys? He could find turkey masquerading as bacon, steak, and burgers, but no plain turkeys. Needless to say, I never thought about any of that. Probably because the only time I was ever in a grocery store I was shopping for humans."



Savitar ignored those last comments. "It must be hard for him to adjust."



"He doesn't complain. He just tries to understand modern mind-sets, such as how can he be a chauvinist pig if he opens a door for a woman and then he's an insensitive pig if he doesn't."



"The day he figures that one out, tell him to write a book and we'll all be rich."



"He already has. He stays back until she goes in and then he runs for it before another one comes along."



Savitar laughed, then sobered. "Tell me honestly, Urian. What do you think of him?"



"I like him, and it's not because I idolized him as a military hero when I was a kid. He was a fierce old fart to me then. Kind of like you."



Savitar arched a censoring brow then smiled and heh'ed.



"You know me, Chthonian, I don't play well with others, and I basically hate everyone, all the time, but I would actually cross the street to have a conversation with him.... In fact, I have."



"Coming from you, that's the highest endorsement I can think of."



Urian nodded. "I just don't understand their mutual hatred. I mean, I had brothers I couldn't stand to be around for more than five minutes, but I didn't really hate them. We were just different. While I might deck one from time to time, I never really tried to kill one."



"I get why Acheron hates him, and it is justified. Believe me. Apollymi herself has told me about their bad blood, and I know she's not lying. I'm just having a hard time reconciling the stories I've been told with the man who lives here. Of course, eleven thousand years can change someone.... I don't know." Savitar sighed. "Keep an eye on him and let me know if he slips back into another coma." He vanished.



Urian started to leave, too, but given how distraught Styxx had been, he didn't want Styxx to be alone when he woke up.



Sighing, he glanced around for something to occupy himself with. His gaze fell to a sketchbook on the end table. Curious what it contained, he walked over to it and flipped it open.



His jaw went slack at what he found inside. The majority of the book was filled with drawings of an absolutely stunning woman who had to be Bethany. Some of them were so real, she looked like she could step off the page and touch him. But the ones that were truly haunting were drawings of Styxx and her. He'd perfectly captured their smiles and laughs, but most of all he'd caught the anguish and love on his own features as he held her. There were also pictures of Bethany with a son, and of the boy by himself. A boy Styxx had never met. It wrung Urian's heart.



Damn, Styxx was talented. Who'd have ever guessed it?



What he found most telling was that while a couple of the drawings of Bethany had her seductively clad in Greek gowns, none of them showed her naked. Even though Styxx had never intended for anyone else to see this, he'd kept his wife's honor sacred and respected her.



Urian stopped on the next page as he found one of a toddler boy dressed in a hoplite's Corinthian helm. It was hilarious and adorable. Beside it, Styxx had written the name "Galen" in Greek.... He also had a few of an adult Galen, one of a woman named Tig, a horse and dog, and a few scenes from what must have been Didymos.



And then the ones that really floored him ... images of Acheron in his modern Goth wear and long black hair, as well as pictures of them together with a bolt of lightning coming down between them.



When Urian turned to the next page, his heart stopped. Styxx had drawn Urian with Phoebe. Even though Styxx had never seen her, he'd penned her perfect likeness from Urian's descriptions. It was absolutely eerie that Styxx could do that, and it showed him just how true to life his drawings of Bethany must be.



Incredible.



The love Styxx had for his wife and son bled onto every page. Since Styxx had nothing left of her to hold on to, he must have created this. And it was like looking into Styxx's soul.



Urian set the sketchbook back right where he'd found it. But honestly, what disturbed him the most about that book ...



He saw his own future. Phoebe had only been a dead a handful of years and it still burned inside him like a raging furnace. For Styxx, it'd been over eleven thousand and he still ached as much now as he had then.



That did not bode well for Urian.



Maybe that was why he was so drawn to Styxx. They were bound by similar tragedies and had been born virtual contemporaries in ancient Greece. Well, not quite, Styxx was the same age as his father, but close enough.



Urian glanced back at the sketchbook and cringed. So that's what I have to look forward to. Insanity.



Great.



January 21, 2009



Just after midnight, Styxx woke up covered in sweat. He was so cold, his teeth chattered. Someone pulled another blanket over his shoulder. For the merest heartbeat he thought it might be Bethany.



It wasn't.



Urian stepped into his field of vision. "How are you?"



Broken. Completely. But there was no need in saying it. He still didn't know how a dream could seem so very real. He'd felt Beth's skin ... her breath on his cheek. His son's early morning demands for breakfast and entertainment as he tried to pull Styxx out of bed.



"Come Daddy, come!"



If only he could....



When he didn't respond, Urian squatted down next to the bed until their gazes met. "I know," he whispered. "I still wake up and expect to find Phoebe beside me. I haven't even deactivated her cell phone. I keep it so that I can call and hear her voice on those hours when I feel like I can't take it anymore. It's not fair that we're forced to live without them while the world goes on oblivious to the fact that it's missing the most vital part of it." He let out a bitter laugh. "It's why I'm here with your hairy ass. I don't want to see Tory and Ash. Not because I hate him like you do, but because they remind me of what I no longer have. And while I don't begrudge them their happiness, it makes my loneliness burn even deeper."



Styxx finally blinked. "Why do you talk to me, Urian?"



"I don't know. You're entertaining when you're not catatonic or in a coma. Or in a homicidal rage. Why do you talk to me?"



The answer slipped out before he could stop it. "Because I can't hear your thoughts."



"Excuse me?"



Styxx sighed. "It's something I've been able to do from birth. With a tiny handful of exceptions, one of whom is you, I hear every thought in someone's head."



"That has to suck."



"It does, indeed. That was what made me so lethal on the battlefield. I knew what my enemies were going to do and I could cut them off."



"Yeah, okay, that would not suck." Urian had meant to make him laugh, but if anything, it darkened Styxx's mood, so he changed the subject. "You think you could eat something?"



"I don't know."



Urian handed him a bottle of water. "You need to sip this. While I know you can't die from hunger or thirst, you still feel both. I'll go recon the fridge while you take a shower." He rose to his feet then left the room.



Wishing himself dead, Styxx sat up slowly and leaned back on his arms to survey his bedroom as sirens rang outside above the steady hum of traffic. How he hated it here.



Yeah, Acheron had given him millions of people in this city, but Styxx didn't relate to any of them. The handful of women he'd talked to had rammed home how out of synch he was with this time period. While he was hornier than hell, he couldn't bring himself to sleep with any of them. The minute they opened their mouths and started ranting about trivial things, he lost interest.



He missed discussing philosophy, ideas, and politics with Bethany. Listening to her hum and sing when she wasn't even aware she was doing it ...



No other woman could touch her beauty or grace.



With a heavy sigh, he forced himself to get up and shower. As he caught sight of himself he grimaced. He still had Acheron's long black hair. He curled his lip. How could Acheron stand it? It made Styxx feel like a woman. Not to mention it was unsanitary and got all over the place. For that matter, how could Acheron fight with it?



Unable to tolerate it any longer, he went back into his bedroom to get his shears from his desk drawer then returned to the bathroom to cut it off. As he moved to throw out the ponytail, he remembered seeing ads for Locks of Love that made wigs for cancer victims. He coiled the hair up and left it on the counter before he started the shower.



Once he was cleaned and clothed, he headed for the kitchen to find Urian eating a sandwich.



"You know, food still tastes weird to me. It's hard to get used to eating when I lived on blood for eleven thousand years."



Styxx grimaced at the reminder of what Apollo had done to his own people. "I'm surprised you haven't filed down your fangs."



"I've thought about it. But I've never seen myself without them. Too old to change now. Might throw off my bite and I have enough trouble chewing as it is. You probably don't realize chewing is a skill. And the first time I bit my tongue ... be glad you weren't there for it."



Styxx sat down to eat his own ham sandwich. "What made you decide to go Daimon?"



"Rage mostly. My best friend was a couple of years older than me and he refused to fight the curse. So I watched him age to an old man in less than twenty-four hours, screaming in utter agony the entire day until he decayed into nothing but dust. All I could think about was that he'd never harmed anyone. Never even been in a fistfight, and all because of my own grandfather over something that happened before I could walk. It pissed me off. But after losing Phoebe, I can understand why Apollo was so upset and cursed us. I'd have done as much, if not more, if they'd murdered my son and beloved, too."



Styxx released a painful sigh. "He didn't love Ryssa."



Urian arched a brow. "What?"



"She was a possession. Nothing more. Most of the time, he bitched about her whining and complaining ... which she did all the time, about everything."



"That's not what Ash says."



"He and I had two entirely different sisters. She coddled him and hated me."



"Why?"



Styxx swallowed his bite of food. "What can I say? I'm an asshole. As for Acheron, she felt sorry for him. In her mind, she was convinced that I stole our father's throne and his love from my brother."



"Is that why he calls you a thief?"



Styxx shrugged. "I don't know. Ironically, I didn't even want the throne. I just wanted a family that didn't hate me."



Urian finished off his sandwich. "I'd have gladly given you some brothers. Man, there was so much testosterone in that house, I don't know how my mother and sister stood us. But we were mostly happy. Although my older brothers said that my father was a very different man before Apollo cursed us."



"How so?"



Urian shrugged. "He was happier and much more easygoing." He picked up the pickle from his plate. "The only thing I really hated was not seeing sunlight." He laughed bitterly. "My father used to get so mad at me when I was kid. I'd stand in the door at dawn, trying to catch a glimpse of the sunrise. And he'd start screaming that if I wanted to burst into flames then he was willing to begin the process by setting my ass on fire if I didn't get to safety."



Styxx laughed. "He loved you."



"Yeah, to the day he cut my throat. I've never understood it. After Darius died, I adopted his son and daughter who were toddlers at the time. When Ida and Mylinus died, it about killed me. I can't imagine ever getting so mad at them that I'd do something like that, and they weren't technically mine." The anguish in his eyes pierced Styxx's heart. "How do you cut your own son's throat?"



"I don't know, Uri. I've never understood it, either. When I was just a boy, my own mother tried to kill me for giving her a birthday present. She stabbed me I don't know how many times."



Urian's eyes widened with incredulity. "Your mother?"



He nodded. "Ryssa, too."



"Stabbed you?"



Styxx took a drink of his milk before he responded. "Ryssa gutted me the day before she died."



"What'd you do?" The way Urian asked the question, it was almost comical.



Unfortunately, he'd done nothing to them. "She attacked me over your grandfather."



"Apollo? Why?"



Styxx flinched at the memory. "Jealousy." A shiver of revulsion ran through him. "She stupidly thought I was trying to seduce him as a lover to take his attention from her."



"Ew!"



"Believe me, I couldn't agree more. No offense, but I hate your grandfather with every part of me. Just being in a room with him makes my skin crawl and my stomach turn."



"Don't worry. I'm not going to defend him. I personally think he's a rank, sorry, selfish son of a whore." Urian's phone rang. He looked down and checked the ID. "Excuse me, I need to take this." He got up and left the room while Styxx finished off his food. By the sudden exit, he assumed the call must be from Acheron.



Urian came back a few minutes later while Styxx was cleaning up. "I have to head out. AOM later?"



"Sure."



Urian held his hand out to him. When Styxx took it, he pulled him into a brotherly embrace with their hands between their chests. Without another word, Urian vanished.



Styxx finished his chores then went to get his sketchbook. He flipped through the pages, touching the faces of his past that always haunted him. He stopped on the image of Bethany with their baby. It was just like his dream. She sat in a field, on a blanket, cuddling his son. And now he knew these images were what had fed his hallucination.



The boy he'd held wasn't real.



And Bethany was gone. He should have known it was all a dream by the mere fact that Bethany had been able to see them. But he'd been so grateful and happy that he hadn't questioned that small miracle.



A single tear slid from the corner of his eye. Styxx brushed it away and sighed. He was so tired now. More tired than he'd ever been before.



He remembered a time, long, long ago, when he'd known his destiny. Known who and what he was.



Now ...



I belong nowhere.



Worse, he belonged to no one.



In that moment, he knew what he needed to do. It was time he took his life back, such as it was. He might have lost sight of things for a while, but at the end of the day, he was a fighter. It was all he knew. And he was tired of other people making decisions about his existence. From this moment forward, he was on his own. And he was going to find some place where no one would ever again control or imprison him. Some place where he was comfortable. Some place where he belonged.



January 24, 2009



Urian tried to call Styxx again, and again it rolled to voicemail. Afraid Styxx might have slipped into another coma, Urian flashed himself to Styxx's condo.



He knew the minute he materialized that something wasn't right. Everything about the condo felt off. But glancing around, he saw nothing out of place.



"Styxx?"



No one answered.



He quickly searched the condo, to find it empty. This time when he went into Styxx's bedroom, he saw that Styxx had pulled out the sketchbook page of him and Phoebe, and left it on top of his desk with a folded note. Fear cinched his gut as he opened it and read.



Urian,



You're the only one who will notice that I'm not here. Don't worry, I'm not doing anything particularly stupid. I just don't want to live in a world I don't understand anymore.



When I find my place and the peace I need to function, I'll be in touch. Until then, take care, my brother. And thank you for being my friend.



S



Grinding his teeth, Urian wanted to find him and beat the shit out of Styxx for the pain he felt right now, and he didn't know why he felt it. Why should he care? He barely knew Styxx.



It must be that they were kindred spirits. Styxx was the only one who really understood about Phoebe. After six years, everyone else had lost patience with his unwillingness to move on and find someone new to love.



But it wasn't that easy. Not when you had a past that was so hard to share with another person. One that left you bleeding and vulnerable. It was difficult to open up to anyone because the moment you did, you knew you ran the risk of being hurt worse, and humiliated should they ever tell your secrets, and when you'd been hurt all your life by others ...



There was only so much bravery in any given soul.



To finally find the courage to trust and to dare lay your heart in the hands of another and then to lose them was the ultimate cruelty. And it was not something you got over. Ever.



Six years was just a blink of the eye. And apparently so was eleven thousand.



Urian cleared his throat. "Good luck, brother. I hope when you find a way to sleep through the night and breathe again, you'll share the secret with me."



January 16, 2011



"This ... seriously sucks."