Succubus Dreams

 

The doctors at the hospital said Seth's survival was a miracle. Which, of course, it was.



The police officers who talked to all of us believed Seth's actions had been rash - but also admirable. Defending a fair maiden tends to elicit that reaction, and since Seth hadn't been killed, no one else viewed his gallant defense quite the same as I did. Because honestly?



I thought it was stupid.



I thought it was so stupid, and I was furious. Beyond furious. I'd surpassed it and moved into an uncharted area of enragement.



What had he been thinking?



"I wasn't thinking," he told me in a low voice, when I questioned him in the ER. The others had stepped out for a moment, busy with other things, and it was just the two of us. Seth lay on the bed, face still pale, but otherwise alive and well. "That guy had a gun. You were in his line of fire."



I opened my mouth to argue the poor logic there, but one of the doctors stepped back inside. She needed to check Seth, and I backed out of the room before I said something I'd regret. Seth might have acted like an idiot, but he was in the hospital with a major injury. Blowing up right now probably wasn't the most appropriate course of action for the healing process.



Instead, I sought out Vincent. After his interview with the police, he'd stationed himself down the hall, back against the wall and hands stuffed into his pockets. He tilted his head back, face staring miserably up at the ceiling.



"Hey," I said, careful to keep a safe space between us.



He glanced down at me. "Hey. How is he?"



"Fine - considering everything. The doctors are amazed the bullet 'missed.'"



Vincent turned away and gazed blankly down the hall. He stayed silent.



I didn't know what to say. So...you're a nephilim. How's that working out?



Frankly, I could guess how that was working out. Horribly. Nephilim were the offspring of angels and humans. Those angels were now demons, of course. You couldn't sleep around with hot humans and still play for heaven's team - as I'd noted with Yasmine. It was why Jerome had fallen. In what had to be the most unfair deal in the world, many nephilim had been hunted and killed by angels and demons - even their own parents. Heaven and Hell viewed nephilim as dangerous abominations. The fact that nephilim tended to have unruly natures and poor impulse control didn't really help their reputation.



As a result of their persecution, nephilim usually walked the earth disguised, hiding the full brunt of their power - which rivaled their parents' - as well as the immortal signatures that could give them away. And while I felt bad for them, they nonetheless scared the hell out of me. Many of them held grudges against angels, demons, and anyone else immortal. Jerome's son Roman was like that. He had come to Seattle a few months ago and embarked on a revenge killing spree. Looking at Vincent now, I wondered if I was dealing with the same sort of thing.



"Does...Yasmine know?" I asked after several more awkward moments.



His eyes flicked back to me. "Of course." He said it with the same matter-of-fact tone he'd used when we'd talked about their relationship. It was a tone that implied how could she not know? Like it was absurd that he would keep anything from the woman he loved.



"It kills her," he said with a sigh. "It's eating her up inside."



"Because...of...what you are...?"



"No." His eyes were so sad that I almost forgot he came from a race of uber-powerful psychopaths. "She doesn't care about that part. What she can't stand is that it's a secret. That she has to hide everything. You know they can't lie...but she's not exactly telling the truth either. It's deceitful, and she hates that. And I hate that she hates it. I've tried to end our...thing a couple of times, but she won't do it because..."



"Because she loves you," I finished.



Vincent shrugged and looked away from me again.



"I'm sorry," I told him at last. And I was. How horrible. Yasmine loving anyone was dangerous enough, but for her to love one of the most despised creatures in our world...well, yeah. That took it to an entirely different level. An angel should have been reporting Vincent's existence, not hiding it.



Vincent turned his attention back to me. "Who will you tell? Carter? Jerome?"



I stared into those dark, dark eyes, those eyes filled with so much sorrow and so much love. I stopped being afraid of him. He wasn't Roman.



"No one," I said quietly. "I'm not going to tell anyone."



He turned incredulous. "Why? You know what I am. You know you could get in trouble for hiding me. Why wouldn't you tell?"



I thought about it. "Because the system is fucked up."



I went back to Seth's room after that, and when I stepped out into the hall later, Vincent was gone. He wasn't at my apartment when I returned home that night.



Seth was released the following morning, and I stayed home from work with him.



"I don't need to be coddled, Thetis," he told me gently - though I could swear there was the tiniest hint of annoyance in his voice. "I'm fine. I won't break."



We were sitting in his living room, side by side on the couch. He had his laptop, and I had a novel. I folded a corner of the page I was on and shut the book.



I wanted to tell Seth that he would break, that that's what it meant to be mortal. I wanted to tell him a thousand things, just like I'd wanted to in the hospital, but once more I swallowed my feelings.



"You just need to take it easy," I said. "And I want to make sure you don't do anything too crazy."



"Right. Because my usual lifestyle is so physically vigorous."



He had a point. Most of his days were spent sitting and writing. He wasn't too likely to burst another artery that way.



"I just want you to be careful," I said obstinately. "You were shot last night, remember? That's not the same as falling on the ice."



"You overreacted to that too."



"Is it so wrong to care about you?"



He sighed and returned to his work. I had a feeling I wasn't the only one biting back angry words. We spent most of the day like that, talking little. Whenever he expressed any interest in something - food, drink, etc. - I was quick to jump up and get it for him. I was the perfect nurse/servant. Finally, around dinnertime, he looked like he was nearing a breaking point.



"Arent your friends doing something tonight?" he asked stiffly.



"Are you trying to get rid of me?"



"Just asking."



"They're having a card game."



"You aren't going?"



"No, I'll stay here with you."



"You should go."



"I don't want to leave you. In case you need something."



"Then take me with you."



"What?" I exclaimed. "But you need to - "



" - take it easy, rest, not strain myself. I know, I know. But look, I'm kind of getting cabin fever here, and honestly, I think you'd benefit from a little distraction."



"Seth - "



"Georgina," he interrupted. "It won't be much different than this. More sitting around, except with - "



"Better company?"



"That's not what I mean," he said.



We went back and forth, and as we did, I wondered when we'd reached this point in our relationship. Hitherto everything had been giddy and sentimental with us. How had we crossed the line into nagging? When had we started getting on each other's nerves? In movies, life-threatening experiences are supposed to bring people together.



I finally relented, and we went over to Peter and Cody's place. The gang - consisting of Hugh, Peter, Cody, and Carter tonight - was surprised to see us since Seth often avoided immortal social events. But socially inept or no, Seth liked playing cards. It was the kind of analytical activity he enjoyed, and he could often get by without talking very much.



Just before the game started, Niphon showed up. He and I exchanged brief glares and then proceeded to ignore each other.



Inevitably, Seth getting shot came up in conversation.



"You threw yourself in front of a gun for her?" asked Peter, clearly impressed.



"Well," said Seth, a little uncomfortable at all those eyes on him. "Mostly I tried to jostle it away."



"You mean, disarm him?"



"Well...no. More like...jostle. I don't really know how to 'disarm' anyone."



"I figured maybe you took combat classes in order to write those fight scenes in your books," explained Peter.



Seth shook his head. "Never been in a fight in my life. Until last night."



"That's awesome," said Cody. "Risking your life in the name of love."



I stared at the vampires disbelievingly while they babbled on about how amazing Seth's feat had been. They peppered him with more questions about the attack, and the anger I'd been trying to squelch since last night kept building and building. Across the table, Niphon listened with a smirk. Carter, in his usual way, concealed his feelings. I wanted to know why he wasn't out with the other angels, but the Seth thing was taking precedence over my curiosity.



One thing struck me as odd. Hugh, listening quietly, seemed as angry as I did. I would have expected him to jump right in with the vampires, blithely pestering Seth for action-packed details and waxing on about how cool Seth's heroics had been. But the imp's face looked dark and stony, his eyes fixed pointedly on his cards.



"The guy was probably high," remarked Peter. "Never know what that might bring out. You jumping in like that was pretty ballsy when you think about it."



I couldn't take it anymore.



"It was stupid!" I cried. Everyone's heads jerked in my direction. I ignored them, my eyes on Seth. "It was foolish and idiotic and, and - " I couldn't think of any more synonyms, so I let it go. "You shouldn't have done it. He couldn't have hurt me. He couldn't have killed me. You should have let me handle it!"



I knew that Seth despised being the center of a commotion like this, but he returned my gaze with a surprisingly fierce one.



"Georgina, there was a man with a gun in a dark alley. You were in front of him. Do you really think I was running through all sorts of logical scenarios at the time? 'Oh, let's see. She's immortal, so even if she gets shot, there's nothing to worry about.'"



"Yes," I growled. "That is what you should have been thinking."



"What I was thinking was 'The woman I love is in danger, and I would rather die myself than see anything happen to her.'"



"But nothing would have happened to me!"



"It's a basic human instinct to protect the ones you love. Even if they're immortal."



"That doesn't make any sense."



"That's because it's been too long since you were human," he snapped.



It was like being hit. I shot up from my chair and stalked off to the bathroom. Angry tears were welling up in my eyes, and I refused to let them show in front of my friends. Leaning my forehead against the mirror, I tried to do all the standard tricks for calming down. Deep breathing. Counting to ten. None of it worked.



I didn't get it. I just didn't get it. And apparently, Seth didn't either. Why couldn't he understand? Getting shot - in my head, in my heart, whatever - would fucking hurt. The pain would be excruciating. But in a day or so, I'd recover. I'd go on.



But Seth wouldn't. Why did he not see how serious this was? Death was forever. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to block out the image of Seth dead. Cold. Still. No more spark in those brown eyes. No more warm hand to hold mine. A sob built up in me, and I forced it away.



After more deep breathing, I finally felt like I could return to the others. But as I stepped out of the bathroom and started to round the corner back to the kitchen, I heard more shouting. Hugh.



"It was brave, okay? Noble. Gallant. Worthy of a gold star. But she's right. It was stupid. It was so fucking stupid, and you're even more fucking stupid for not realizing it."



"I get it," said Seth. I could hear the weariness and exasperation in his voice. "I could have died. I know, okay? But I wasn't thinking about the larger workings of the universe. I was thinking about her."



"No," said Hugh. "You weren't. I am so goddamned tired of hearing everyone talk about how hard it is to be you. They all go on and on about how amazing it is that you can handle this relationship with her. But, Christ. Really, what's hard about it? You have this beautiful, brilliant girlfriend who doesn't fucking age. She loves you. I know you can't have sex, and everyone acts like that's the end of the world, but come on. She's given you the green light to go get it somewhere else. I don't really see you suffering that much."



"What's your point?" asked Seth.



"My point is that she's the one who suffers. She knows your life is a ticking time bomb. What have you got, another fifty years maybe? And that's if disease or an accident doesn't take you first. Fifty years, and you're gone. She has to live with that every day, knowing that in one breath, your life could be snuffed out like that." I heard Hugh's fingers snap. "Not hurt. Not injured. Gone. She is going to watch you age, watch you gray and wither away, and when you do finally die, it's going to destroy her."



There was a moment's silence, then I heard Seth say uncertainly, "Fifty years isn't anything compared to the scope of her life. She'll get over me. As everyone keeps reminding me, she's immortal."



"All that means is that she has more time to mourn. If you had any fucking regard for her, you would have ended this stupid romance a long time ago. You would have never gotten involved. She was uncertain at first, but now she's in. She isn't going to give you up. You could turn into the world's biggest asshole, and she still wouldn't do it - not with all these romantic ideals she has now. She loves too easily - and gets hurt too easily."



I finally forced myself to move in the ensuing silence. Everyone looked away from me, except Niphon. He was obviously enjoying all of this. I sat back down, and the card game commenced. None of us were really into it, though. The atmosphere was stiff, the conversation forced and halting. It was the proverbial elephant in the room situation. When Peter awkwardly said he was getting tired, the rest of us practically flew out of our seats to leave.



As I was putting on my coat, Carter strolled over to me.



"Seth makes his own choices, as is his right," Carter said softly. The angel was regarding me in that way that always sent chills down my spine. Someone wearing such an ugly baseball cap really shouldn't have that kind of ability. Honestly, how did his hats always get so dirty? "You can rage all you want, but in the end, mortals live their lives the way they decide to. It's not our place to interfere with that."



"Of course it is," I said. "It's what you guys do. It's what we all do. That's the whole point of the Heaven and Hell battle - we purposely interfere with people's lives."



"Yes, but this is different."



"No, it's not." Beyond him, I saw Niphon saying something to Seth. Great. The imp was probably trying to buy his soul. That was so not what I needed right now. I turned back to Carter. "Look, I've got to go. Say hi to the Get Along Gang when you see them."



I dragged Seth away from Niphon, and we headed home. I hadn't thought things between us could be any more uncomfortable than they had been at Peter's, but the car ride proved me wrong. Earlier, Seth and I had discussed him staying over at my place, but as I merged onto I-5, he asked, "I'd kind of like to get some more work done. Do you mind if I just go home?"



The elephant had apparently joined us in the car now. I smiled tightly and kept my eyes on the road. "Sure. No problem."