Susannah's Garden

Susannah was worried. “She doesn’t know anything about this, right?”



“You think I’d tell her?”



Susannah had the feeling Troy would do whatever it took to get whatever he wanted. If that meant disclosing the fact that Susannah had paid him off, she wouldn’t put it past him. She couldn’t help wondering if her father had experienced the same doubts when he’d paid off Jake’s. Had he wondered if he was doing the right thing? Had he questioned his own judgment? Like her, she suspected he had. “I don’t want Chrissie finding out I was involved in any way,” she said sharply.



“Fine. Now give me the money.”



“Not yet.”



“Listen, I don’t have time for this crap. Give me the money or I’ll screw up your sweet little girl for the rest of her life.”



Susannah didn’t take his threat lightly. She sensed that Troy would derive real pleasure from hurting Chrissie out of spite.



Figuring any further discussion would do more harm than good, Susannah set her purse on the scuffed bar and unzipped it. Taking out a stack of twenties and fifties, she handed it to Troy.



He grabbed the money and thumbed through the bills. A minute later, he raised his hard eyes to lock with hers. “This is only half of what we agreed.”



“The other half is at the house. You’ll get it after Chrissie leaves for Seattle.”



He clearly wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t have any choice. Susannah wasn’t about to give him everything at once and risk being cheated. This was the only recourse she had and she intended to use it.



He seemed to deliberate, then slowly nodded. “Fine. But you better come through.” He stuffed the money in his wallet, which was connected to his jeans by a chain. Without another word, he walked back to the table where he’d been sitting and pulled on the blonde’s arm. Hands linked, the couple walked out of the tavern. Jenny, if that was her name, swayed her hips provocatively. Susannah would’ve been embarrassed if that was her daughter.



“He’s a handsome man, my son, isn’t he?” Sharon sauntered up. “He looks more like his father every day.”



Susannah ignored the comment. While it was true that Troy did resemble Jake, he lacked every other quality Susannah felt was important in a man—dignity, honor, character. All were missing in Troy and apparently in Jake, too. That made her more sad than angry. She’d honestly felt they’d shared something special. She’d been far too stubborn—not unlike her own daughter—to realize how right her father had been to get him out of her life. All the years she’d harbored this resentment against him and now…now she understood and it tore her apart. She’d wasted all those years, bitter and angry about the way he’d manipulated her life, and here she was, doing the same thing. She was doing it out of love, just as her father had.



“The minute you left for France, Jake came to me.”



“That isn’t true.” For her own sake, Susannah wanted to believe otherwise—wanted to believe what his letters had implied.



Sharon laughed contemptuously, but Susannah didn’t care.



“Jake was never interested in you. Not like you were in him.” She held her ground, unwilling to let Sharon rattle her.



“Think what you want,” Sharon said, as though it was of little concern. “Troy is all the proof I need.”



The woman had a point, although Susannah would never concede it. “I’m sorry you have to lash out at others, Sharon,” she said. “Jake must’ve hurt you very badly.” Then she turned and walked out the door. By the time Susannah got to the car, her hands shook so badly it was difficult to push the remote that would unlock the vehicle.



Troy, of all people, had taught her one of the most valuable lessons of her life. She was her father’s daughter.



As she inserted the key in the car’s ignition, Susannah recognized that she’d risked her own relationship with her daughter in doing this. Her marriage, too. Having gone behind Joe’s back again, she wondered how he’d react once he learned what she’d done and why. All she could do was hope he’d understand.



This summer she’d begun to view their relationship with fresh eyes. Through the years, Joe had proven himself. They’d shared hopes, made plans and borne each other’s sorrows. He’d seen her at her best and her worst. Joe was the one who’d always been at her side. Not Jake. He was a fantasy, a long-lost love, a dream that had turned out to be false.



Considering all these revelations, Susannah drove home. The house was dark—did that mean Troy had already made good on his word? Was Chrissie with him? It struck her then that she’d paid this dreadful man twenty-five hundred dollars to break her daughter’s heart. Just like he said he would…



Somehow, Susannah made it up the steps and into the house. Her eyes swam with tears and she could barely see. All those years she’d carried her anger toward her father, like a shield that could never be pierced. She’d held him off, refusing to let him close. Even recently, at the cemetery, she’d ranted at him, charging him with not loving her. But he did love her, more than she’d ever known, as much as Susannah loved her own daughter.



She’d been wrong about so many things.



Her father had loved her and she loved him. Joe had been right all along. As hard as she’d tried not to have any feelings for him, she did. Because of her anger toward him, she’d been unable to grieve normally. Instead, she’d revisited that time in her youth, reliving her outrage, her sense of injustice. Was that so she wouldn’t have to deal with the emotions surrounding his death?



She missed her father, she loved him, and she was sorry. So sorry. Now she’d give anything, anything, to tell him how deeply she regretted her refusal to see his side. She buried her face in her hands and cried until there were no tears left.



When she felt she could speak again, she walked into the kitchen and reached for the phone. Thankfully, Joe answered.



“Susannah, what is it?”



“I—I need you. Please come…I can’t do this without you anymore.”



Her husband didn’t hesitate. “I’ll leave within the hour.”



His simple acceptance of her need, not asking a single question, tore at her. “Joe, oh, Joe, I love you so much.”



“I know, Suze. I love you, too.”



“Joe, I’ve done something so foolish. Please hurry.”



“I’m on my way. Don’t worry. We’ll discuss everything when I get there.”



The road back to herself, to the person she used to be, wanted to be, led directly to her husband, Joe Nelson.



CHAPTER 42



Susannah had composed herself by the time Chrissie returned. As she expected, her daughter was devastated. Sobbing, Chrissie ran into the house and without a word flew into Susannah’s waiting arms. With all her heart, Susannah prayed her daughter would never learn of her part in this.



“What is it?” she asked, cradling Chrissie’s head against her shoulder.



“It’s over,” Chrissie managed between gasping breaths.



“With Troy?”



Her daughter nodded, hugging Susannah close.



“Can you tell me what happened?”



Chrissie shook her head. “I want to die.”



“Oh, sweetheart.”



“I loved him. First Jason, and now Troy. There must be something wrong with me.”



“You can’t honestly think that,” she murmured soothingly. She stroked the back of her daughter’s head and made soft reassuring sounds as she told Chrissie that she was a lovely young woman and would meet the right someone soon.



“Troy kept putting me off about helping if I moved to Colville and now I know why. Mom, oh Mom,” she cried. She leaned away from Susannah and covered her face with both hands. “He’s got a woman living with him. It’s that Jenny—the one he said was an old friend. She’s been there all along.”



This didn’t come as any surprise to Susannah; foolishly the other woman was willing to ignore Troy’s indiscretions.



“What am I going to do?” Chrissie sobbed.



“Everything will be better once you’re home.” Home sounded good to Susannah, too. A month earlier she’d been eager to escape. Her marriage had felt stale, her life in a rut. Now it would take several large volumes to list all her blessings.



“How will I get there?” Chrissie sobbed more loudly now.



“Dad’s driving over tonight.”



Chrissie wiped the tears from her cheeks. Her eyes were bright and moisture clung to her long lashes. “Dad’s coming?” This was apparently the best news she’d heard in some time, because she gave Susannah a wobbly smile.



Susannah nodded. “Dad and I will finish the packing, and we’ll hire Martha to do the cleaning. I’ll go home with him, and you can drive my car back if you want.”



“I do. Then everything’s better between you and Dad?”



“Yes, much better. He was upset with me and rightly so. We all make foolish mistakes, Chrissie. The thing is, we need to learn from those mistakes and move forward.”



“I’m going to,” she vowed.



Susannah hugged her again. “Like mother, like daughter.”



Chrissie’s attempt to laugh sounded more like a cough. “That’s not funny.”



Susannah hadn’t meant it to be.



Sniffling, Chrissie retreated into her bedroom. A short while later, Susannah heard her talking on her cell phone and was half afraid Chrissie had contacted Troy. She needn’t have worried. Within a few minutes, she realized her daughter had called a girlfriend in Seattle.



At ten Susannah noticed the light was off in the bedroom and a quick check assured her Chrissie was asleep.



Susannah stayed up and waited for Joe to arrive, which he did at two-thirty in the morning. As soon as she heard his car pull up, she opened the door, clutching her housecoat around her.



Joe got out of the car and Susannah couldn’t wait a moment longer. She raced barefoot down the steps, throwing herself into her husband’s arms. As soon as she was safe in Joe’s grasp, she spread kisses over his face, letting him know without words how grateful she was to see him, to be married to him, to love him.



Joe’s arms tightened around her waist. “To what do I owe this warm welcome?” he asked, chuckling.



“I love you, Joe Nelson.”



“I should hope so. We’ve been married for nearly twenty-five years.”



“I mean, I really love you. I didn’t even know how much until these last few weeks. Oh, Joe, I have so many things to tell you.” Not all of them would please him, but Susannah vowed she’d hold nothing back.



Because he was keyed up from the long drive, they sat side by side on the sofa with a glass of wine and talked for another hour. Joe had been able to reach a retired dentist friend, who’d agreed to step in while he helped settle everything in Colville.



Susannah began to relate the events of the past weeks.



“You didn’t!” Joe moaned when she told him about paying Troy the blackmail money he’d demanded.