Sweet Addiction

He shakes his head at me. “That is my f**king sister, Dylan. Ian invited her and her husband who couldn’t make it because he’s away on business and I haven’t seen her for months. That’s why she got such a warm welcoming from me. But it doesn’t really f**king matter if it’s my sister or not now does it? You ended things, remember? You f**king destroyed me.”

I push away from him and take a step back. Staring, shocked at his admission. “I destroyed you? Fuck you. You completely broke me you stupid shit.” I slap him hard across the face because it’s what I do and storm off the dance floor, pushing my way through the crowd of people that, I’m sure, have been focused on us since our heated argument started. I’m out the double doors and make my way down the long empty hallway, unsure of where I’m headed when I hear the doors swing open in the distance behind me.

“Dylan!”

I keep moving, picking up my pace but stumble forward once my heel catches on my dress, landing hard on my knees, my hands breaking my fall and hitting the marble floor. Falling back onto my heels, I drop my head into my hands and try to muffle my cries. I didn’t want him to see me like this but it’s too late. His body drops down and I’m lifted off the floor and onto my feet as he tries to pull me against his chest. I push away and pry his hands off my waist.

“Let go of me. I hate you. I f**king hate what you did to me.” I wipe under my eyes and mentally curse myself for the mascara that appears on my fingertips.

His eyes widen. “What did I do? Dylan, God damn it. What the f**k did I do besides everything you wanted?”

“Everything I wanted? How was what we did what I wanted? You’re the one that wanted a casual hook up. You’re the one that never did anything serious and only wanted it to be about sex. I never wanted that.”

He steps closer and I back up but I’m pressed against the wall, unable to put anymore distance between us. “What the f**k are you talking about?” His eyes search my face for an explanation. “You were the one that said this was just fun and nothing serious. You labeled it that when we were at The Tavern that night. You were the one that refused to let me get close to you, never wanting things to get too intimate between us. That was all you, Dylan. I f**king told you that you had all the control.” He roughly rakes his hands through his hair and down his face. “This shit was never casual for me. Never. You’ve owned me since that f**king wedding.”

“I f**king heard you with Ian. I came to your office the day I ended things to tell you that I loved you and I f**king heard you. You said you didn’t do serious and that you were just f**king me because you liked to. How could you say that about me? After everything. After your birthday and---,” my face falls apart in tears and I push against his chest, “---and after you made love to me. How could you say that?”

His hands grip mine and hold them to his chest, his eyes widening and pupils dilating. “That’s why you ended things? Fuck, love if you would have just stayed and listened.”

I pull my hands away from his. “Don’t call me that. And listened to what? I heard everything I needed to hear. I meant nothing to you and you meant everything to me.”

He shakes his head and grabs me by the waist, pulling me against him so our chests are touching. He sighs heavily. “Christ, Dylan, if you would have just stayed and listened for a few more seconds, you would have heard Ian call me out on my bullshit.” His hand comes up and he pushes my hair behind my ears, his thumb lingering on my cheek. “I only said those things because I’d been desperately trying to convince myself that it was only about sex between us, because I knew that was what you wanted. I was certain that was what you wanted and the only way I could have you. But it was never just about sex. Not for me. After Ian called me out, I admitted how crazy I was for you. How you were the only woman that ever got to me and that drove me completely insane, and not just because you like to challenge me. Which you do so f**king well.”

My breathing becomes labored as I stand pressed against him, unable to move or blink. His eyes are burning into mine and his hands are now softly squeezing my hips. I open my mouth to speak but he silences me with his words.

“I was so in love with you and I couldn’t admit it, because admitting it meant dragging you out of your casual f**king comfort zone and into it with me. And I was scared you would pull away. And you pulled away from me anyway without me ever getting the chance to say it.”

I’m shaking against him and don’t know what to say or if I can even speak anymore. He’s admitted everything I’ve ever wanted to hear and I can only stare up at him through a tear stained face.

“I called you, every day and sent you messages. Begging, pleading for an answer from you and you ignored me.” His hand comes up and strokes my cheek and I lean into it. “Why? Why wouldn’t you talk to me? We could have fixed this, but now…”

My eyes widen in panic as he drops his hand and shakes his head. I’m frozen against the wall, unable to move as his body turns and he begins walking back towards the reception hall. No. He loves me. And I love him. This shit can’t end like this. Fuck that.

“Seriously?” I yell and he halts, his hand on the door and his face dropped down so that I can’t see his expression. I march over to him and rip his hand off the doorknob, pulling him away from it, and slamming his back against the wall. “You’re really going to leave it like that? You said you loved me, do you not anymore?” My rapid breathing fills the air between us as he gazes down at me, clenched jaw and furrowed brow. But he doesn’t speak.