“What does that mean?”

“Nothing compares to the beauty of stars.”

As I watched him, closer, I just couldn’t work out how someone like him could ever join a gang. He was so talented in football, but this side of him, this sensitive, almost poetic part of his personality, was divine.

“Austin?”

“Mmm?”

“How did you get involved with the Heighters?” The soothing touch of his finger on my hand stopped and the hard mask on his face was back in place.

Reaching over, I put my hand on his arm and said, “I’m not judging, I’m trying to understand you.”

Blowing a pent up breath through his lips, he rolled on his side to face me. I did the same, mirroring his position. “Where I was brought up, not many kids do well, Pix. Most of them have folks that drink, do drugs, hustle for cash. Luckily we were different. We had Mamma. She tried her hardest to prevent us going down that path.” Austin squeezed his eyes shut and I knew it was because he was picturing his sick momma. I stretched my hand over to his and nervously wrapped my fingers around his.

Austin’s eyes fluttered open and he sucked on his lip. He released his lip, the flesh now glistening with wetness and I couldn’t take my eyes from his mouth.

“My brother, Axel, was always involved with the Heighters. He loved it, but I was different, so is my baby brother, Levi.” Gripping my hand tighter in his, he continued. “But then my mamma got sick and everything changed. We needed money. And that was it, I initiated and began to hustle for whatever amount of cash I could make.”

“And… and how did you end up playing for the Tide?”

“I was good at football and Coach recruited me.”

“That’s not what I meant—” I tried to say, and Austin cut me off.

“I know. You want to know how I was able to leave the crew.”

“Yes.”

Austin’s jaw clenched and his eyes closed, like he was reliving a memory. “It was Axe, he got me out. I remember it so clearly. I was doing well on the streets and the leader of the crew, Gio, was impressed. This was good because we got more money for Mamma, but bad because it made me useful to him. Too useful to let go. I’d just finished a deal with a group of junkies and returned back to the trailer park, when Gio called me to his trailer. “Been hearing some things about you, Carillo,” he’d said to me coldly. My stomach fell. I remember looking to the door of the trailer, praying Axel would hurry home to help me. Gio terrified me.

““Heard you been cuttin’ it up over at that high school. Some big football star. That true?” I knew he couldn’t have known about the scholarship. At that point only my family did. And I definitely didn’t count Gio as my family.

““Heard the Tide offered you a scholarship. You gonna keep shut about that too?” I knew right then that he’d been doing some digging on me. I’d become too valuable for him to let go. Gio moved around the kitchen table and got right up in my face. “You think you can just up and leave your brothers? Think you can just leave this life behind?” He began to laugh at me, laugh right in my face. “This ain’t how it works, homie. You swore in. Got the ink. Heighter for life.” I honestly thought he was going to kill me, Pix.”

“What happened next?” I asked, hanging off every word he said.

“Gio pushed on my chest, knocking me back against the trailer wall. “You listenin’, you little punk? You think you’re better than me because you can run fast?” He was so f**kin’ mad at me. I knew he’d kill me rather than let me go. But then I heard, “Gio, man, leave him the f**k alone!” Gio froze in my face and my heart started beating again. It was Axel’s voice and Gio was suddenly wrenched away from me.

“Gio threw himself at Axel’s chest, but Axel was bigger, muscled, and more importantly, he was lethal in a fight—it’s why Gio keeps Axe so close. My brother’s one mean f**ker. “You knew he got a f**kin’ football scholarship for the Tide and you didn’t say shit ’bout it?” Gio shouted at Axe. Axe looked over at me, and my eyes dropped to the floor. I wanted that scholarship bad and he knew it. My mamma wanted that scholarship bad. He knew that too. But I had no idea how I could ever take it. Gio was right. In this life—the shit life I got handed—what you wanted never mattered. Making green and having your crew brothers’ backs was the only code of honor in a place that held no f**kin’ pride.”

“Austin…” I whispered, not knowing what to say. I couldn’t believe this was his life. That he had to go through all of this to go to school. To follow his dreams.