Taut: The Ford Book
I want to say so many things, but her word-slap in Wal-Mart comes back to me. She sees me as a distraction until she gets to LA to talk to her ex. To possibly beg him to reconsider and take her back. And I can’t take another slap like that. So I protect these new feelings and hide them away. I pull up the I’m in charge routine instead. “Ashleigh, I’m making a rule. You agreed to do what I asked—for one day. You agreed to this. So my rule is, no more talking about Tony.”
Her eyes squint down into slits immediately, but she holds her tongue.
“I don’t care if it makes you angry, I’ve heard enough. I won’t put up with it. You’re mine today. I won you. And I say f**k Tony. OK? My rules. No more Tony.”
She stares at me, her face hardened.
“Agreed?”
“Agreed,” she replies. But she turns her back to me and stares out at the window.
She stays silent for the entire two-hour ride to Richfield.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
We hit up another diner because it’s not even nine AM yet, so that’s pretty much all that’s open. Ashleigh is feeding Kate in the backseat before we head in. “So what should we do in Vegas tonight? You like to gamble?”
“No, not really,” she replies absently.
I check a website for what’s playing in Vegas right now. “Shows?”
“You said sushi.”
“We can do sushi. But that’s like an hour of time. What else?”
“I’m not sure I want to leave Kate with a sitter, she—”
“Ashleigh.”
“No, listen. I have to feed her every few hours so I can’t be gone long anyway. It’s stupid to get a sitter when I have to pop in every four hours.”
“Give her a bottle.” I get an angry sneer at that comment. It almost shuts me down, that’s how snide it is. “What?”
“She breastfeeds. I’m not giving her a bottle so I can have sex with you tonight.”
“So you’re mad about my Tony rule.”
“What’s that got to do with breastfeeding?”
“You were dying to have sex with me a couple hours ago. And now you’re mad because I told you to stop moping.”
“No, you told me to stop thinking about Tony. Like I can just turn it off and forget. I think it’s incredibly insensitive for you to make that rule. He’s all I think about. Ever.”
“It’s insensitive to me that you’re distracted.”
“We’re not even dating, Ford. We’re—we’re—”
“We’re what?”
She just shakes her head.
“We’re what, Ashleigh?”
“We’re temporary. I like you—you’re handsome and rich and actually a nice catch for someone else. But not for me. OK?”
“It’s just fun.”
“Yeah, it’s just fun. I appreciate all the help you’ve given me, but I’m a mess, Ford. I have no room right now for most of life. Existing is difficult. I need to make things slow and simple and you are the definition of complicated. You have rules and expectations, and you play these mind games with me. You don’t know anything about me or my life. Or Tony. You don’t know anything about him, so when you make a rule that says I’m not allowed to think about him, I don’t like it.”
“I know he’s not here and I am.”
She clutches the baby to her chest and starts to cry.
Fuck.
“Ashleigh, come on.” I sigh. “Ashleigh. I’m sorry, OK? I can see that you love him, I’m sorry.”
I reach back and touch her knee and she swats my hand away. “You’re mean. Just don’t touch me.”
I get out of the truck and get inside the backseat with her. We’re pretty squished since the carrier is buckled in on the passenger side and Ashleigh’s in the middle with the baby. She’s crying hard now and Kate is getting upset along with her. I reach down and grab the baby. “Here, I’ll take her for you.” I’m actually stunned that she hands the baby over to me. If I was her, I’d probably tell me to f**k off.
Kate makes some distressed sounds but I hold her up at almost arm’s length and smile at her. She just stares at me, blinking her big brown eyes and kicking her dangling feet.
“Hi, Kate.”
Ashleigh laughs through her sniffles.
“What?” I ask, looking over at her.
“You look ridiculous, Ford. Holding her out like you want to hand her off. You’re supposed to hold babies close.”
“I’ve never held a baby before.”
She wipes the tears away and laughs again. “Obviously.”
I bring Kate into my chest and she’s so soft it’s easy to want to hold her tight. She squirms a little in my arms and I pat her on the back the way Ashleigh does when she’s trying to calm her. She relaxes her heavy head on my shoulder and that’s it.
It’s over.
I’m done.
I’m a Kate lover. “I’d like a Kate,” I whisper down to her. Ashleigh snickers, and that makes me feel better. At least she’s not crying over Tony or mad at me for being an ass**le. “Did Tony ever hold her?” I figure why fight it. Can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?
“No,” Ash says softly. “He never did.”
“I’d make a horrible father, I think.”
“Why?” she asks, scrunching up her face.