Tear

His eyes flashed and then he grabbed my arm and pulled our bodies together until there was no space separating us. “I’m nothing like Alec.”

What just happened? I tried to pull away but he held me firm in his grasp. “Please, Nat. I’m not him, I’m not him.” Demetri closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine. “I was never him. She knew that, but it didn’t matter. I just want to be me. Love me.”

“Did I ask you to be him?” I said weakly.

Demetri tilted my chin and brushed a soft kiss across my lips. “No, Baby. It’s not what you said. This is all me, my shitty baggage. Got it?”

“Got it,” I mumbled, though it was clear I really didn’t get anything. I didn’t understand his mood swings, why he was so secretive and why he would go all crazy saying he wasn’t Alec.

“You okay?” I rubbed my hand across his smooth face then brought my lips to his. His kiss was hungry. He pushed me against the wall and again his nimble hands moved to my back to unzip my dress. Okay, what the heck? Déjà vu much? His skilled whorish hands had me out of my dress in seconds. It pooled at my feet. He lifted me off the ground and lifted my hips grabbing my butt in the process and making it impossible for me not to straddle him. I was still wearing my heels but only had my lingerie on. The very same lingerie that Alesha convinced me I should wear that night.

Demetri moaned as one of his hands held me in place while he pushed harder against me and began caressing the delicate lace of my bra. His hands were hot against my cool skin and even though it felt so good It was also all wrong.

“Demetri,” I panted. “What’s wrong? Remember, slow?” His kisses assaulted my senses as he swirled his tongue down the side of my neck. This was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. “Demetri,” I repeated, this time trying to sound sterner. Yes, he was hot, and of course it felt good, I mean I’m in high school. I’m no saint. I mean, until this year I hadn’t even been kissed, and now I felt like a giant hussy.

He groaned and began tugging on my panties. “No!” I didn’t mean to shout, it just came out. His hands froze, he cursed and I nearly fell to the floor from the abruptness of his release.

“You need to go, Nat.” He had his back turned to me.

“What the heck was that?” Goosebumps raised across my arms from the sudden chill in the room.

“Nothing.”

“Demetri.” I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his stomach. “Talk to me.”

“I just wanted you first.”

I blinked a few times trying to allow the information to digest into my fuzzy brain. “First?”

“Before everything happens.” His rigid muscles were rippling with tension beneath my palms. I broke out into a cold sweat.

“What are you talking about? Are you high? On drugs? Before what happens?”

For as long as I live, I will never forget the look in Demetri’s eyes. The way his pupils grew, almost dilating to the outside part of his blue irises. His mouth set in a grim line and his shoulders almost slumped as if he was in severe pain and didn’t want to scream but would hold it in until it exploded, shattering him from the inside out.

I noticed his hand clench at his side, and then he brought it to my face and closed his eyes momentarily. Why was his hand shaking?

“I’ll always love you,” he whispered.

I put my hand over his holding it in place against my cheek. “Demetri, I love you.” I needed him to know how I felt. And it was all true, I knew it was true. I’d never felt so strong for anyone except Alec, but this clearly wasn’t the time or place to say something like that.

“I know.” Demetri smiled sadly and exhaled. “I’ll see you in another week or so, okay?”

“Okay.” I shivered and went to put on my dress, then felt warm hands pull me back into a hug.

“I’ll miss you,” he croaked. I nodded numbly and watched him pop something into his mouth.

“What are you taking?”

“Pain killers,” He rolled his eyes, “Because I’m in pain, Nat.”

I waited for him to say something else but he just threw the prescription pills back onto the bed and turned to face me again. He bit his lip and pulled out his phone.

“Gotta go, Nat.” He opened his mouth. I needed him to explain to me what was happening, but instead all I got was a, “I’ll text you.”

Why did it suddenly feel like I was dying? Why did my heart constrict as if he was saying goodbye?

I walked home in a haze of confusion. Forget Alec confusing me. Demetri took the cake in that arena. My heart felt sick, the kind of sick you get when you don’t know whether you want to throw up or go lie down and have a good cry. I stumbled up the stairs to my room and lay down on my bed. After a few minutes my eyes felt heavy. I allowed myself to succumb to the darkness, which was really the problem in the first place, wasn’t it? I allowed myself to succumb — to everything.

Chapter Twenty

Sunday came and went with nothing exciting to report other than the fact that my heart felt like lead, and every time I texted Demetri he refused to answer me. Odd, because he had always been really good about getting back to me when I chatted. But he was teaching, so it was possible he was super busy.

Later that night I was so viciously bored, considering my ultra-expensive phone wasn’t buzzing at me, that I turned on TV.

Rumor has it that the D in band AD2 has been seen sneaking around town with someone other than his girlfriend. Our sources tell us that Anjelica Greene was spotted leaving the star’s hotel room in the wee hours of the morning this morning with a very satisfied grin on that picture perfect face. Has the rock star dumped the local hottie? Stay tuned to find out!