Tears of Tess

“Yes.”

“After tonight, every time I say your name you’ll get wet for me. I not only own your body but your identity, too. Do you deny it?”

I tried to deny it. I tried so damn hard.

But I couldn’t swallow the lie. Q still owned me. Owned my body, heart, soul, my f**king everything.

Tears dripped onto my hands. I knew what I had to do.

Rushing to my bedside table, I found my sketchpad and ripped out a page. Hands shook and my stomach tripped into knots.

Brax,

I’ll always love you. I’ll love your kindness, your generosity, your friendship, your smile. I’ll always love the way you made me feel so good about myself and how you kept me safe when I felt so alone. But I know I don’t give you what you need. I know I’m selfish with not leaning on you enough and I didn’t realize it until now.

Another needs you more than I ever will, and I want you to be happy.

I’m letting you go, Brax, and I wish you so much happiness and jo—

“You’re leaving. Aren’t you?”

I dropped the pen, sucking in a breath. Brax stood, framed in the door, jaw clenched. He strode to the bed, trying to read my note upside down. His eyes fell to the silver bracelet on his pillow.

I bit my lip as he picked it up, staring, unseeing. The bracelet represented our future and I tossed it away so flippantly.

Leaving a note was cowardly, but face to face, I didn’t know if I had the strength. Find the strength. He needs to know the truth.

Dropping the paper, I walked to his side. “Yes. I’m leaving.”

Brax looked up, holding the bracelet tightly. “You were just going to go, Tessie?” Eyes blazed with hurt. “What about what I want?”

I placed a hand over his heart, looking into blue, blue eyes. “I am giving you what you want. What you need. I’ll always be your friend, Brax, but we’ve outgrown each other. I never wanted to hurt you, and by staying, I will.”

He hung his head, pressing his forehead against mine. “That’s not true. I need you.”

I sighed softly, “I think another needs you more.”

When he looked with an eyebrow raised, I added, “The neighbour you’ve been spending so much time with? I’ve seen you together, Brax. I know you have feelings for her.”

He gulped. “It’s not like that. Honestly. She moved in while you were… um… gone, and I’ve been helping her with some tough shit.” He dropped his voice. “Her dad and brother were killed in a house fire. Her mum died when she was a baby, and she’s got no one to turn to. I was only being nice.”

“What’s her name?”

He flinched. “Bianca.”

I hated the look in his eyes—the look where he expected me to scream and punch him. He had every right to care for another as lonely as him. Together, they would be each other’s everything. I wasn’t broken enough for Brax. My courage and strength kept a rift between us all this time.

Kissing him gently, I murmured, “Let me go. You’ll be happier, I swear it. The truth hurts less than fibs and fakers… remember?”

He swallowed hard, nodding once. He knew I spoke the truth. “Where will you go?” He gathered me into a hug.

I squeezed him back, but I couldn’t confess. “I’m not sure. But know that I’m happy and doing what I need to do.” Kissing his check, I pulled away. “I hope you’re truly content with whoever you end up with, Brax.”

He kissed me gently, smiling. “You’re going back to France, aren’t you?”

I froze.

“I’ve seen how different you are, Tess. I sleep next to you. I see how you wake up hot and bothered and sexy as hell. Something happened over there, and it changed you. I get it. What happened in Mexico changed both of us.”

I battled with embarrassment and awe. Brax saw more than I gave him credit. Shame made me blush. He was right. I had changed and I couldn’t undo it. I couldn’t change the fact he lay next to me while I dreamed of Q whipping and f**king me. He suffered in silence as I cried out in need.

Remorse settled heavy. “Brax, I’m so sorry.”

He laughed lightly. “Nothing to apologise for, Tessie. I knew we were different ever since you pulled out your vibrator. I’m not comfortable with that sort of thing, and I think I knew we’d go our separate ways that night. It hurt so much at the time, but now… I might be able to breathe with the thought of only having you as a friend.”

His acceptance let my heart fly free; I threw myself into another hug. “Stay in touch.”

Brax hugged me with endless comfort and kissed my cheek goodbye.

Our two year relationship ended on a friendly note, and I wished Brax the world.

Half an hour later, I strode from the apartment, wearing Q’s grey dress.

No belongings.

No trivial items that meant nothing.

Just me, my passport, and note from my master.

With a heart-winging smile, I left my world behind.

Chapter 24

*Kingfisher*

The flight to Paris took forever.

The train to Blios an eternity.

The moment I arrived in the village where I ran from Franco, a rainbow of feeling settled. Residual fear from the rape. Excitement at being so close to Q. Nerves at not knowing how he’d react. What if he hated me completely? What if he sent me away again? Stop those thoughts. One thing was for sure, Q would hear me out before he tossed me away again. He lived in the darkness? Well, I was about to bring hell on him if he didn’t listen.

Deciding to shed memories of running, with recollections of returning, I strode into Le Coq and approached the same woman. The roosters on the walls no longer wanted to peck my eyes out. They looked fat and content.

The women who didn’t believe I’d been kidnapped gawked as I approached the counter. My skin pricked with phantom panic from the rape, but I forced it away. It didn’t define me. It was over.

Her mouth hung open, watching with incredulous eyes.

“Bonjour. I’m looking for the Moineau residence. Quincy Mercer’s estate.”

Her jaw dropped further showing unhygienic teeth. “You…you came here claiming he kidnapped you. Now you want to go back?”

I smiled bright. “Yep. Makes sense, huh?” I didn’t elaborate, and tried not to laugh. I couldn’t stop bubbles of tentative happiness. I was doing something just for me. It was liberating.