The Bringer

I smile, pressing my lips together, attempting to conceal the dismay I feel when the dulcet tones of James’ voice come from behind me, blanketing me with their warmth. “Ignore everything he says, ‘cause whatever he’s telling you, it’s probably a lie.” He laughs, resting his arm loosely around my shoulders. My whole body stiffens. I glance up at him to see him smiling, eyes moving between me and Neil. “You’re not trying your crap one liners out on her are you, mate?” he says dryly, eyes now on Neil.



“Only the ones you taught me.,” Neil banters back, eyebrow raised, pushing his tongue between his teeth.



“You got me there, mate. I’ve got no come back,” James raises his hand in mock surrender and takes a drink from the bottle of beer in his other hand.



“Hey, do you remember that one you used on that girl when you, me and Sonny were in Ibiza,” he says to Neil, as his hand rests back on my shoulder, fingers lightly trailing over my bare skin. My whole body instantly responds to his touch. I tighten my grip around the glass. “It was hilarious,” he says to me. “Casanova here went up to this girl in the bar we were in and said ‘We're not gonna be able to have sex if you’re sober’, handed her over the half full bottle of tequila we’d been drinking and said ‘You’re gonna have to catch me up – drink this, then call me when you’re ready.’ James laughs, louder this time. “It was fucking hilarious! And the worse thing was it bloody worked as well!”



Neil shrugs, lips pursed, eyes twinkling. “What can I say, I’m a charmer. The ladies just can’t say no.” He grins, eyes fixed on me. James’ hand grips my shoulder harder.



“James?” We all turn at the sound of Sara’s voice. I can see her eyes resting on James’ arm, the one sitting around my shoulder.



“Hey,” he smiles at her, removing his arm from around me. And I know the disappointment is obvious on my face, so I look away hoping no-one noticed.



A smile appears on her face as she quickly moves toward him. “Happy birthday,” she says, kissing his cheek. And I stand there beside Neil feeling like I’ve just been hit.



“I brought you this.” She pushes a small gift into his hand.



He looks down at it. “You didn’t have to.”



“As if I wouldn’t.” She smiles, tapping him lightly on the arm.



And I inwardly cringe at the realisation. A gift, of course it’s customary for humans to give one another gifts on their birthdays and what did I get him? Absolutely nothing.



“Hi Neil,” she says sweetly. “Lucyna.” Her tone hardens on my name.



Both Neil and I say our hellos but Sara’s already turned her attention back to James. “So you gonna get me a drink, or what?” she says, hand on hip. “Some host you are.” She laughs but I can hear the edge to it.



“Oh, yeah, 'course.” He turns to me and Neil. “Either of you need a top up?”



I glance down at my half full glass of wine and shake my head.



“Don’t worry about me mate,” Neil says swilling the remaining liquid around the bottle. “I’ll get myself a cold one out the fridge in a min.”



Sara links her arm through his and starts to walk away but James doesn’t move. I see out of the corner of my eye that his eyes are on me.



She pulls on his arm and rolls her eyes dramatically. “Come on, I’m gonna die of thirst here.” She laughs again, trying to sound light-hearted but now there’s too clear an edge for it to go unnoticed.



“I’ll catch you both later, then.” He turns and lets himself be led off by Sara toward the table where all the bottles of wine and spirits are.



“It always surprises me them two have never got together.” Neil’s voice comes from beside me, suddenly sounding closer.



“Who?” I ask, even though I know full well who he means.



“James and Sara,” he says in an obvious tone. “I think they’d make a good couple.”



“Hmm, yes,” I say, non-committal, unable to say anything else because now all I feel is edgy. I look over at the two of them and, at that same moment, James looks in my direction and catches me staring at him. I look away.



Neil leans closer to me, his arm pressing against mine. “I think Sara would like it that way as well,” he says in a conspiratorial tone.



I look up at him to find him considerably closer than I’d realised. “Has she said this to you?” I ensure my voice comes out lighter than I currently feel.



His blue eyes pierce mine. He shakes his head. “Nah, I can just tell. She dotes on him.”



I glance at them again from the corner of my eye. James has just said something to Sara and she’s laughing loudly, head thrown back, her hand on his chest. My skin is prickling with discomfort. “Do you think James feels the same?” I ask, maintaining the same light tone.



He drains his bottle and shrugs. “Dunno. He says they’re just mates, but who knows. To be honest I don’t know why he wouldn’t. She’s a real nice girl and pretty to boot – but I suppose they have been mates forever, so maybe he doesn’t want to spoil it. And it’s not like he’s ever been able to stick with one girl for too long.” He smirks. “He gets itchy feet, does our James.”



Then it’s almost like I see what Neil sees and the world closes off, and all I’m aware of is this insistent buzzing in my head. Almost as if all my thoughts have just come to life at one.



“Can you excuse me,” I say, barely managing the words. “I just need to use the ladies' room.”



“Yeah, no worries, was gonna go grab myself a bottle anyway.”



Neil follows me into the house and I just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, then we split off in different directions, him to the kitchen, me to the downstairs bathroom.



I lock the door behind me, rest my forehead against the cool glass, close my eyes and try to line up my thoughts into an orderly manner.



What am I doing here? Hoping against hope that James might one day love me whilst I carry on pretending to be human, when all I really am is a fraud, a walking, talking lie? And now, as I’ve just discovered, my only reason for being here is quite possibly a philanderer – and one very likely to end up with Sara which, if I’m being truthful with myself, is the way it should be.



The absurdity of it all actually makes me laugh out loud. But it’s a laugh tinged with sadness. For all I really feel is hurt and confused. Because to want something so badly as I want James, and to know I’ll never have him, is causing an actual physical ache inside me, and I truly wonder what I’ve done to deserve this kind of torture.



My head is throbbing with the pain. I grip my fingers tight around the basin.



I want to go home, go back to where it was simpler, back to when I didn’t have to feel any of this - where I was happy. Okay, well I wasn’t happy because I didn’t know what happiness was but I must have been content in some way.



It’s funny, all this time I’ve spent worrying about how long it will be before the Elders find me and praying they won’t, and now I just wish they would. Because no matter how I may feel, no matter how much it hurts, I know I’ll never be able to leave him of my own accord. The only time I’ll ever go is when they take me, or James definitively tells me to.



I hear the handle try on the door, then a knock. “You gonna be long in there?” comes a woman’s voice from the other side of the door



I open my eyes and move my head back. “No, I’m all done,” I say to the mirror.



I unlock the door and open it to reveal a woman with red hair who I met earlier but whose name I’ve now forgotten. “Thanks, hon,” she says, bouncing on the spot. “I’m absolutely busting.” She rushes past me into the toilet, closing the door behind her.



Putting a smile on my face, I venture back into the party even though I feel like I’m dying inside.



I spend the rest of the night avoiding James and desperately trying, albeit not successfully, to not look at him or anywhere in his vicinity, which is not such an easy feet, especially in such a small space. But then he hasn’t come to talk to me either, or looked in my direction that I’ve seen. I’m trying to ignore the fact, knowing that his time has been mainly consumed by Sara and his other guests. Well, Sara mainly. So I’ve spent most of the night talking to Neil who seemed happy enough to keep me company.



Finally finding myself alone, I go into the kitchen to rid myself of this hours-old wine. I watch as it paints the running water with its golden honey like colour. I put the glass down on the drainer and turn around to find Sara stood in the doorway eyeing me closely.



“Hi,” I say in the most pleasant voice I can muster when I feel anything but.



Without speaking, she closes the door behind her and moves into the room, leaning forward onto the free-standing island. She begins tapping her long pink nails on the marble counter. “Look, Lucyna, I won’t beat about the bush here. We're both intelligent women and I think you’d appreciate my honesty, as I would yours.”



This time I’m the one who doesn’t speak. Her prickly tone is sitting distinctly uncomfortable. I wrap my arms around myself.



“Okay so you’ve probably guessed I don’t like you,” she continues when she sees I have no intention of responding. “I think you know why. And I don’t know what your game is with James, but he’s been through a lot recently and doesn’t need someone like you messing with him.”



“I don’t know what you mean,” I say, my voice oddly coming out sounding hoarse.



She sneers. “Yes, you do. You’re after something and I want you to tell me what it is.”



“I’m not after anything.” Well aside from James’ love – but I omit that from my sentence, knowing that wouldn’t go down well.



She stands upright, hands on her hips. “I know you are. I can tell. I’ve met your type before. Its money, isn’t it?” she says with bite. “That’s what you’re after. I mean, come on, you and I both know that James is pretty well off.”



I open my mouth to speak but no sound comes out.



“I mean, yeah, you saved his life and we're all grateful, really. But then apparently you have nowhere to live and James being James offers you a place to stay because he feels obliged to, then you just rock on up here and walk about like you own the place.” She runs her fingers through her smooth blonde hair. “I certainly can’t imagine anyone like you being homeless for starters and, yeah, I think you probably do fancy James because, well, you’d have to be blind not to. But there’s something more here, something not right about you, something that doesn’t sit right about this whole situation. I don’t know what, but I’m gonna find out.”



There’s this strange feeling stirring deep inside me that’s quickly bubbling to the surface, rushing up fast. My face is tingling, my throat constricting and my lips are trembling.



“Did you find out that he’d come into a lot of money after the death of his dad. I mean the business alone is worth quite a bit and this house –” she gestures around, “-well it’s not exactly a two up two down in Brixton, is it?” Her eyes narrow onto me. “Did you think you’d target a rich, unhappy guy who’d just lost his dad, seeing him as an easy target and get all you could from him?”