POST BY: MIDNIGHT

SUBJECT: SAD VAMPIRE

I thought I would be writing a different post. I know I promised I would tell you guys what it was really like beyond the walls of Coldtown, but I'm not sure I can bear to. In all my imaginings, I never thought it would be anything like this.

Now Winter is dead and I'm a vampire.

I was going to just post the video footage I took and not explain, but that's not fair to you all who have been my real true Dark Family, supporting me through everything, encouraging me to go on this journey. I know that you'd want to hear about what happened, not just see it.

I've posted lots of times about hating how every second I was getting older. You saw all my freak-outs that my cells were dying and my hair was falling out. Every time I woke up with strands on my pillow, I was sure that piece of hair was gone forever and I would go bald and be ugly. Sometimes I thought I could feel the decay inside me, taste the rot in my mouth before I brushed my teeth in the morning. For days before I left for Coldtown, I couldn't eat because the idea of food disgusted me, the way I could feel it heavy in my stomach.

I know you feel the same way sometimes, like there's something wrong with us because we're not the magnificent monsters we were meant to be. Well, you're right. I can tell you now, from the other side, that we were right. Everything feels right now.

My being bitten is on tape, and I'm going to upload that video as soon as I edit it. It was just as amazing as I had hoped it would be. The pain wasn't so bad. Your skin gets kind of numb around where the fangs go in, and there's this amazing feeling, like someone is pulling all the weakness and rot away to make room for something else.

But here's the part that's hard to talk about. I did a bad thing. A really bad thing.

I'm the one that killed Winter. I didn't mean to. I only meant to turn him, but things got way out of control when my new fangs slid into his vein. Drinking someone's blood is nothing like having your blood taken. Drinking blood is like an explosion of rose petals, it's like honey and milk and every warm thing in the world. It's like drinking pure light.

I held him to me and drank and drank and drank. It was like drowning in him, like being closer than ever, together inside my veins. But now Winter isn't here to laugh with or help me pick out outfits, or to understand me the way no one else ever did. Maybe no one else ever will understand me like that.

I'll never be anyone's twin sister. No one will recognize me as the mortal I once was. The last bits of the girl I gave up being died with him. Now there is only Midnight.

I guess it wouldn't have come to this if I hadn't wanted to be a vampire, if I hadn't wanted to be a marvelous monster and beautiful like the dawn. But even though I will miss Winter every minute of every day for the rest of eternity, I know that he wanted this for me. So, in his memory, I am going to rip out this town's throat.

Oh, and you, my faithful friends and readers, deserve a warning. The videos are disturbing, but we always say that we want to see the real stuff, so here it is.