The Consequence of Loving Colton

I made a face at Colton while he put a pretend gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

“Come on, nobody has to know . . . for old times’ sake.”

“Run away!” I whispered. “Run!”

“No, no, I’m good. Thanks for the really inappropriate offer, though,” Max said in a stern voice.

Cursing, she walked off and slammed the door.

I pushed open the attic door and yelled, “What the hell, Max?”

Whoops! Now I looked like a lover scorned.

“She came on to me!” Max held up his hands. “And you heard what I said! The bitch has got to go! I’m serious, guys. She tried grabbing me under the table! And when I swatted her hand away she took it as an invitation to get more aggressive.” He groaned and closed his eyes. “All I kept thinking was if I can just spill orange juice on her shirt then she’ll freak. Instead she thought it was an excuse for us to go somewhere private.”

I walked over and put my arm on his shoulder.

“Wait a second . . .” Max looked between me and Colton. “What were you guys doing in the closet?”

“Attic,” Colton said quickly. “Just looking for . . .”

Oh, hell, if he said birds again we were done for.

“Something old, for Jayne, for the wedding.”

I nodded and winked at Max.

“It’s almost break time, I’ll just . . .” Colton walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Max.

I smacked him on the chest. “You ruined our moment.”

“I almost ended up on a milk carton!” Max shouted. “She wasn’t taking no for an answer!”

“You’re a man, make her!”

“I may be a man, but she terrifies me. Yeah, she broke my heart, but holy shit, it’s like she got a brain transplant. She asked how much money engineers make!”

I laughed. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her I was going to be a lifer. You know, go to school and just keep learning because learning was the foundation of life and I wanted to give life back into the world.”

I tilted my head and squinted at him. “You come up with that crap ahead of time or does it just pour forth out of those wise lips of yours?”

“It’s a gift.” He shrugged. “Unfortunately I grossly miscalculated her ability to understand complicated sentences and big words, so from that lovely explanation she took that I had enough money to just go to school for the rest of my life.”

“Damn.”

Max sighed. “Thus the milk carton theory. No doubt she would have kidnapped me and you would have dreamed of my kisses for an eternity.”

“No doubt.”

“You should tell Jason.”

“You tell Jason!”

“Okay.” Max held up his hands. “We’re not doing this. I refuse to engage.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I blocked his way to the door.

“This!” He held up his hands. “This is what you do. You’re picking a fight because you’re frustrated, albeit sexually. A little hint, take off your shirt and stare him down, works nine times out of ten.”

“And the one time it doesn’t?”

“You may have a repeat of your sixteenth birthday and get laughed at.”

“Are you saying I have a bad chest?”

“Aw, shit. There you go picking fights again.” Max went over to the bed and took a seat. “Let’s get this over with.”

“What?” I looked around the room. “What are we getting over with?”

“Let’s have a look.” He motioned to my shirt with his hand and sighed impatiently. “Come on, we don’t have all day. It’s like prison, your mom expects us to be back at work in fifteen minutes.”

“Fine.” I fidgeted with my shirt. “Just, don’t laugh, and be honest. I want to know if I’m going to be that ten percent or the ninety, all right?”

“Okay.”

I lifted a bit of the shirt, and stopped. “And if it’s bad, maybe just . . . let me down slowly, like say something like, ‘Oh, wow, at least you have really pretty lingerie.’ ”

“Fine.”

Lifting the shirt higher, I almost punked out when Max groaned and shouted, “Damn it, Milo, take off your clothes!”

Irritated, I lifted the shirt all the way up to my head.

When the door opened.

“Hey guys, Mrs. Caro wants—”

The shirt was still over my head. Max was probably staring, and that was Colton’s voice.

“Er, I mean when you’re, um, finished . . .”

“This isn’t what it looks like!” I turned toward the door and barreled in the general direction as I tried jerking my shirt down.

When the shirt was finally dislodged, I stumbled into Colton’s arms, sending him crashing against the door, and my shirt fell enough for me to see that he’d banged his cheekbone.

“Shit!” He pulled away from me, but my shirt was still slightly up around my bra, so his hands went directly to my naked stomach. “Shhhit!” He pushed me away and tried to turn around but was clearly disoriented because this time he ran into the other side of the door, stumbled, and then hobbled down the hall holding one hand to his cheek.

After a few moments of silence, during which I prayed someone from the future had created time travel and was coming back to save my sorry ass, Max finally clapped. “Or you could just take off your top, give him two head wounds, and chase him down the hall. Yeah, that works too.”