“So it wasn’t all for nothing!” I said in a chipper voice, then added more solemnly, “You’ll be honored for what you did, Max.”

He closed his eyes and nodded.

“So.” I clapped my hands. “Who’s going to infiltrate the bachelorette party?”

All the men pointed at me.

Yeah, no way was I getting out of that one.

CHAPTER TWENTY

MILO

Two shots of vodka, a strong cup of coffee, and a shower seemed to bring Max out of his crazy mood, though he was still pretty jumpy. When I handed him the coffee he hissed.

I smacked him and told him to behave, and then he looked like he was ready to cry. What the hell did those women do to him?

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” I took a sip of my own coffee.

“Of course,” he said smoothly. “But, er, the only way I was able to actually leave was because I told them I was gay.”

The coffee spewed out of my mouth directly onto his face and crisp white shirt.

“Worst. Day. Ever.” He reached for a towel and wiped the coffee dripping from his chin. “And now I have to change.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “So now not only are we hopelessly in love, but engaged, and you’re gay? How does that work?”

“Oh, no worries.” He set the towel down. “I was gay until I met you—then I fell in love and decided to try to be straight.”

“Try?” I repeated. “Can’t we change the story to something like you play both fields but mine is more fun?”

“Hmm.” He rubbed his chin and considered it for a moment, then nodded. “That works too.”

“My mom’s going to freak out.” I pressed my hands to my temples and pushed away the beginning of a headache.

“Chill, it’s not like anyone’s going to say anything. Besides, they were drinking so much wine it’ll be a shock if half the bridesmaids even make it to the rehearsal dinner. You’ll see.”

An hour later the entire wedding party—including both families and the nice pastor—were seated at the table.

I kept getting looks of pity from the bridesmaids, as if they knew my dirty secret.

Max mouthed, “Sorry” as he took a sip of wine and then dug into his salad.

Honestly, things had progressed pretty well; everyone was getting along. Jayne was doting on my brother enough to make me want to puke up shrimp cocktail and Colton was sitting on my right.

Our arms kept brushing.

I swear I only contemplated throwing him onto the table and having my way with him like three times. Maybe four. Or five. Or six.

“Milo?” Colton nudged me. “You okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You were counting out loud and gripping your fork like you wanted to impale someone.”

“Stress,” I said through clenched teeth.

His eyebrows drew together in concern. “Drink more wine.”

“Good advice.”

We tapped glasses just as my mom stood at the head of the table and clinked her crystal water goblet with her fork. “I just wanted to take some time to say thank you to everyone who helped us set up today.”

Everyone being the three of us. But whatever.

“And, I’m so . . . glad.” She totally choked on the word glad. “That Jason has found someone worthy of spending his life with.”

I grinned at Jayne: ah, true love.

She wiped a few honest-to-God tears and stood up to give my mom a hug. The same woman she’d bitched out a few hours ago.

Her parents hugged my parents.

Let’s just say there was a lot of hugging.

“I have something to say . . .” I pushed out of my seat and stood.

Jayne smirked in my direction. I smiled politely back. “Jason, I’m so glad that after all those years getting high in the garage, you finally saw the light, and instead of growing pot, like you originally intended, went to college and came back a better man. It honestly”—I wiped my own fake tears—“makes a sister so proud to know that you chose to be drug-free and dumped that really pretty Victoria’s Secret model in pursuit of more homegrown”—I sighed—“options.” I looked around. “Because let’s be honest, that girl would have led you back down that rabbit hole. Instead of the high life, you’re here. In the suburbs with Jayne. It sounds so idyllic, don’t you think? At any rate.” I lifted my glass. “I’m just proud of you for pulling your life together and marrying such a winner!”

I sat.

Nobody raised their glasses.

Finally Max stood and said, “Cheers.”

Everyone drank while Colton pinched me under the table.

Jayne was seething; I could practically see smoke billowing out of her ears as she glared at me from across the table.

As Max opened his mouth to speak, one of the drunken bridesmaids sputtered out, “Aw, I wish you weren’t gay, Max.”

My mom dropped her wineglass and gasped as my dad swore graphically in front of the pastor.

The pastor held up his hands and said something about how all God’s children were welcome at the table.

Max’s wide eyes found mine.

I pinched Colton. “Make it better!”

His chair tipped over as he stood and shouted, “I kissed Milo!”

And silence.

“That was making it better?” I whispered.

“You bastard!” Jason yelled.

“Oh dear, oh dear.” The pastor reached for his wine, then made the sign of a cross in front of his chest as my mom reached for my dad’s shoulder and gripped his tie instead, which formed a noose around his neck.