Max reached out and gripped Reid’s hand. “We’re proud of you. What happens at the dinner table stays at the dinner table—now go steal the bride.”

“Roger.” Slowly he walked away.

“Well.” Colton clapped his hands. “This plan is going to hell fast.”

“Too many unpredictable players.” Jason shook his head. “And I would have never imagined Grandma would—attack.”

“Ever since HBO,” I whispered in a low voice. “It’s poisoned her mind.”

“Well.” Colton shrugged, then reached for the whore’s hand. “I guess one good thing has come out of this weekend, huh, Jenna?”

Grinning, she leaned against his chest and laughed. “I’d say so.”

I was cutting off his balls and feeding them to him if his lips touched hers.

“Ouch.” Max winced. “Could you please release my arm?”

“Sorry.” I let go and counted to five, so I didn’t throw a knife at her face.

“So what now?” Jason set the meat on the table. “We just continue to pretend everything’s fine?”

“Reid will pull through,” Max said confidently. “And until then we should probably go cover up”—he smiled apologetically—“your entire face with makeup.”

“Is it that bad?” Jason asked, turning so we could look at his new shiner.

His eye was beginning to swell shut.

“No.” We all shook our heads and laughed nervously.

I added, “I didn’t even notice it.”

“Me either.” Colton coughed. “It’s a really faint bruise.”

Max rolled his eyes and gripped Jason’s shoulders. “Bullshit, you look like hell. But on a happier note, at least you won’t have to look at her while she plunges her evil talons into your chest and rips your heart out. Yay you!”

Jason looked around Max’s body, directing his attention at me. “Is it normal to want to kill him half the time and then love him the other half, then want to kill him again?”

“Welcome to my world.” I sighed.

“Wait.” Max looked around. “Am I the him to whom you’re referring?”

“Jason!” Mom wailed, running into the room. “Come quick! We can’t find Jayne!”

“Yeah, because that’s going to make him want to run and join the search party,” Max grumbled.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

MILO

It was the search party from hell. Funny, hell had been the theme of the week, so it seemed almost perfect as we all started combing the grounds for Jayne.

I asked Jason why bother.

His one good eye narrowed in on me with ferocity.

“Chill, Cyclops, we’ll find Jean.” I laughed. “Hey, it’s almost like Jayne, that’s pretty funny.”

Jason wasn’t laughing.

He simply stared creepily with that one eye and stomped off toward the large oak trees in our backyard. What? Did he think she was swinging from the trees?

I laughed again. “Me Tarzan, you Jane.”

“You high?” Colton came up behind me. Solo. Thank God.

I turned and gave him the best smile I could—you know the smile, the one you hope is distracting enough to keep a guy from saying the one phrase you don’t want him to utter after a drunken night of stupidity.

“Hey, champ.” He laughed softly and wrapped his arm around me. “Are you okay?”

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

“Swell,” I croaked. “Don’t remember a thing.”

“You lost at cards.”

“You cheated!” I pushed against him.

“You made me take off my pants.”

“Only because you cheated.”

“I kissed you—hard.”

I shivered.

“Oh, and you puked.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Yelled at me in the car.” He continued talking as if I needed an actual list of the shameful things I’d done. “Oh, and when we got home you tried crawling onto the roof and when I wouldn’t let you, you started yelling, ‘I’m Iron Man, bitch, suit up!’ ”

My face froze in horror. “Okay, I remember everything but that.”

“Probably for the best.” Colton nodded.

I was going to kill Max for not telling me I’d done that!

“Considering it didn’t happen.” Colton smirked. “Just paying you back for seeing me naked.”

“Please, like it was a chore for you to drop your pants,” I hissed. “What, did you sprain your pinky finger? Get your little boy caught in your zipper? Hmm?”

“Little?” His eyes narrowed. “You called me a freaking superhero!”

“Guys!” Max ran up to us, then dropped to the ground and picked up a few pieces of grass in his hand, letting them slowly fall from his fingertips. “Jayne’s been here. I’d bet my life on it.”

I sighed and gave him an irritated look. “You were kicked out of Boy Scouts.”

“I was too advanced for their curriculum.” Max stood and held his hand in the air, closing his eyes.

“What’s he doing?” Colton asked.

“Shh!” Max whispered. “I’m finding Jayne.”

“You look like you’re getting sworn into office,” I replied. “Put your hand down and go see if she took any cars.”