The Consequence of Revenge

“Yeah?” Her eyes were trained behind me.

“Now would be a good time to man up!”

“Goats can’t swim.”

“This goat can! I can feel him!”

“He stopped at the shore.” Becca pointed; I rose to my feet and slowly turned. The demon-possessed goat was peeing on a rock and harmlessly licking its hoof. Bastard. I was going to shoot it, then cook it. For no other reason than that I wanted it dead and the only way was to . . . okay, so maybe I wouldn’t eat it. Too far, Max, too far.

“Wait.” I scratched my head. “If the goat’s up there, then why did I feel something grab my back?”

“Don’t move!” Becca held up her hands.

“Okay, you know that makes me want to move, right? That’s exactly what people say when you have a giant-ass spider on you or when something’s about to drop on your head! Let me move, Becca—I want to move!”

“You can’t!” Becca shook her head. “You need to stay.”

“I’m not your dog!” I wailed.

“Max,” Becca warned. “Just give me a minute to figure it out.”

The entire beach was watching. The camera crew was trained on us like there was a freaking shark on my back. Holy shit, was there? Did sharks do that?

“What is this?” I yelled toward the beach. “Freaking Fear Factor?”

“Got it!” Becca announced happily. “Phew, that was close.”

“What?”

“Seaweed.” She lifted it in the air. “Can be very dangerous. Why, I’ve read news stories where it wrapped around someone and choked them to death.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I’m waiting,” she said.

“For?”

“A thank-you.”

“It was seaweed.”

“Could have been a goat.”

I sniffed. “I had the goat handled.”

“You almost drowned handling it, but yeah, good plan.”

“I was going to drown with him!” I shouted.

“So you both die?”

“I didn’t say I thought it through, Becca!”

“Is this our first fight?” she teased.

“Only if I win.” I grumbled.

“Fine, you win. You’re the great goat killer and seaweed’s attracted to your power.”

“Is it wrong that I actually felt pride swell in my body? That wasn’t a metaphor, it is totally a real thing.” I nodded. “At any rate, thanks.”

Becca’s grin was wide; she held out her hand and gave me a high five. “What are friends for?”

“Did you know . . .” I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. “The position of best friend is open too.”

“Oh, is it?” Her eyes twinkled. “Would I have to give up my role as your partner in the zombie apocalypse?”

“Never. That shit’s real.” I splashed water toward her. “Being a best friend does have perks.”

“Oh, yeah? What kind of perks?”

“Hi.” I held out my hand for her to shake. “Name’s Perk.”

“Aw, it rhymes with perv, don’t you think?”

“Not really.” I shook my head. “Both start with P but it was a good try, amateur. You’ll get better the more you’re exposed to my greatness.”

“You make a girl feel so good.”

“Oh, sweetheart, if I had a dollar . . .” We reached the shore, both of us grinning like idiots. Big Al stepped out from behind the camera and asked if I was okay, while the rest of the girls fluttered around me. But my mind wasn’t on them, it was on Becca, a new partner in crime, who just happened to kiss . . . very, very, very, very, okay I needed to stop with the verys. She kissed well. Let’s put it that way.

Which reminded me . . . “Angry, Amazon, Sneezy, Doc, Dopey, you’re up!”

The girls looked at me like I was insane, but Becca snorted with laughter. I rolled my eyes and approached each girl, whispered sweet nothings, and kissed her hand.

When I approached Amazon I almost backed away but I needed to put on a brave face. After all I did just try to drown myself because I thought a goat was chasing me. Hey, where was the goat?

I placed the quickest kiss known to mankind on Gina, careful to keep one eye trained on her lest she make another sudden movement and get ahold of my hair again, then searched the beach.

I should have known.

With a curse I stomped over to the tiki bar they’d set on the sand and shook my head in dismay. “Traitor. I knew I offered the title of best friend too soon.”

A camera crew followed me but I didn’t care. It wasn’t like we were talking strategy anymore; we were just . . . talking.

“Aw, look, he’s harmless.”

The goat reached for my hand.

I backed away.

The goat reached again.

“He needs to smell you,” Becca said sternly. “He’s afraid.”

“That’s how they lure you in.” I leveled a gaze on the goat. “Huh, big guy? You lure people in with your crazy eyes, then eat them. And what are you, anyway? The damn goat whisperer?”

“Has a sort of ring to it.” Becca flashed me another one of her pretty smiles and leaned down. “Come on Max, be brave.”

“I choose . . . the opposite of bravery.”

“Cowardice.”

“I hate that word. It doesn’t go very well with Max. Max the Coward. I prefer Max the Magnificent.”