Her jewelry screamed fun.

Not pretentious, or even psychotic, which was the most surprising thing of all, considering she was marrying Max.

As if reading my thoughts, he jerked his head to the side and made eye contact with me. “Well, well, well, the fake orgasm girl. Glad you could make it.”

He stood.

A guy sitting next to him choked on his drink while a girl with blonde hair launched herself across the table and patted him on the back, spilling water in his lap. He screamed, then jerked away, only to bump his knee on the chair and fall to the ground.

“So.” Max barely gave the scene a second glance as he yawned and continued talking. “The accident waiting to happen, aka the bastard on the floor, is Jason. Don’t ask him about his black eye, he’ll just get pissed.” He stood and made his way over to me. “Also, the one causing said accidents, that’s Milo. She’s my ex–best friend.” He whispered in a low voice, “My fiancée gets that title now.” He blew the girl in the black dress a kiss. Her response was to swat it out of the air and grab a giant glass of wine, tilting it back until it was gone. Smart woman.

“And this”—Max wrapped his arm around me—“is Colton.”

Colton stood and offered his hand. “Milo, the accident causer’s other half.”

I nodded and shook his hand. “Great to meet you.”

“So.” Colt crossed his arms. “Fake orgasms? Do I even want to know? And what the hell does Max have hanging over your head that he forced you into our monthly get-together?”

“Oh.” I took the drink from Max’s hand. “I doubt you’d believe me.”

“You’d be shocked what I’d believe where this one’s concerned.” He nodded to Max. “Also, I’d start with the hard stuff right away. Wine won’t work when he’s in the room.”

“Please.” Max sniffed. “I’m standing right here and I make your freaking sun shine, Colt. Just remember, I helped you win your wife. Without me you’d be a lonely bastard with blue balls.”

“Let’s leave his balls out of it.” Milo rounded the corner. “Hey, I’m Milo. Are you Reid’s date?”

“Uh.” I shifted uncomfortably in my heels. “Kind of.”

“She’s his roommate,” Max added helpfully. “And his publicist.”

“Oh.” Milo frowned. “Is that normal?”

“She’s also his shrew.” Max nodded. “He has to tame her for the people. Give them what they want, that’s always what I say!”

“Shrew?” Colton took a step back.

What, was that word the universal indicator that I wanted to kick men in their parts, then point and laugh?

“It’s a long story.” My eyes greedily searched for Reid. Finally, he made his way over to me, his swagger both pissing me off and making me a little bit breathless.

“We’re, uh, together.” Reid coughed into his hand, then awkwardly put an arm around my waist.

“Oh, dear Lord.” Max made a cross motion in front of his body. “All those years at theater camp boil down to this moment and you just coughed while introducing the shrew.”

“Am I late?” an elderly, hoarse voice said from the door. When I turned to greet the woman, I nearly lost the wine I’d just tossed down my throat. A small black wig was placed on her head. It was backward. Her lipstick was halfway across her mouth, joker style, and her blouse was three buttons away from being completely open.

Reid made the kind of noise I’d only ever heard on the Discovery Channel and ducked behind me while Max muttered, “You play dirty? I play dirty.”

“Grandma!” Max shouted, making his way toward the old woman. “Glad you could make it!”

Grandma tittered, her black wig dipping across her nose. Was she blind? Then again, earlier today people could have easily said the same thing about the rat growing on my head. “Oh, I do love being naked too. Thank you, Max, don’t mind if I do.”

The woman started unbuttoning what was left of her shirt. She swayed on her feet, clearly intoxicated. Reid gripped my hand and tugged me backward, whispering in my ear, “We’re going to make a run for it.”

“Really?” I didn’t turn around. Another button popped. “And miss the show?”

“Trust me.” His lips grazed my ear. “I’ve seen this show. I had to go to therapy because of it. On the count of three, you faint and I carry you out.”

“Wait.” The sad elderly lady was fighting a losing battle with that last button. I’d never been so thankful for strong thread in my entire life. “Isn’t she your grandma?”

“If she were”—Reid’s grip on my wrist tightened—“the things she did to me would have landed me on Dateline.”

“Fine,” I huffed, setting my wineglass down on the table. “I’ll faint.”

“Thank God.”

“Grandma, no, no.” Milo ran to the woman’s side and jerked the shirt tight across the woman’s chest. “This isn’t that sort of establishment.”

“What’s that?” She cupped her ear.

“No nudes!” Max shouted helpfully.

“Prudes!” Grandma scoffed. “I have no time for them.” Her eyes scanned the room and landed on me. Or at least I thought they did. Reid went absolutely still behind me. “Lover?”