The Cruelest Month

All eyes turned to Hazel.



‘According to the yearbooks, you were a fine basketball player, Hazel, but Mad was better. She was the captain. Always the captain. You were on the debating team, but Mad was the captain.’



He picked up the yearbook and found their grad pictures.



‘She never got mad,’ he read the caption under young Hazel’s photograph, then closed the book. ‘Never got mad. I took that to mean you never got angry, but it meant something more, didn’t it?’



Hazel’s eyes were on her hands.



‘She never got Madeleine. Never caught up. And never understood. Never “got it”. Kept trying and kept failing, because you started seeing it as a competition and she never did. You were dogged by a best friend who was slightly better at everything. Once high school was out you broke away and the friendship faded. But years later, after a bout of breast cancer, Madeleine wanted to find old friends. By then you’d made a good life for yourself. A modest home in a lovely community. A daughter. Friends. A potential romance. You were involved in the ACW. But you’d learned something from high school. This afternoon at a meeting in Montreal a colleague said something to me. It was about…’ Gamache hesitated for a moment, ‘another case.’



Gamache heard the voice again, deep, commanding, authoritative. And accusing Gamache of only taking in the weak, the waste, the people no one else wanted. So that he’d always be better than them. To boost his own ego. He knew that wasn’t true. Not that he didn’t have an ego, but he knew that the people on his team were the best, not the worst. They’d proved it time and again.



But still Francoeur’s accusation had resonated. Driving back to Three Pines it clicked. It wasn’t the Arnot case. It was this case. It was Hazel.



‘You surround yourself with people who are wounded, handicapped in some way. Needy. You befriend people who are sick, or in bad marriages, alcoholics, the obese, the troubled. Because it makes you feel superior. You’re kind to them, in a condescending way. Did you ever hear Hazel refer to anyone other than “Poor” so-and-so?’



They looked at each other and shook their heads. It was true. Poor Sophie, Poor Mrs Blanchard, Poor Monsieur Béliveau.



‘The near enemy,’ said Myrna.



‘Exactly. Pity for compassion. Everyone thought you were a saint but it served a purpose for you. Made you feel needed and better than all the people you helped. When you met up with Madeleine again she was still ill. You liked that. Meant you could nurse her, look after her. Be in charge. She was sick and needy and you weren’t. But then she did something you hadn’t counted on. She got better. Better than ever. A Madeleine not only shiny and bright and alive, but full of gratitude and the desire to grab life. But the life she grabbed was yours. Little by little she was taking over again. Your friends, your job at the ACW. You could see it coming, the day when you again faded into the background. And then Madeleine crossed the line. She took the two things you cherished most. Your daughter and Monsieur Béliveau. Both turned their attentions to her. Your enemy was back and living in your home and eating off your plates and feeding off your life.’



Hazel was slumped in her chair.



‘What was it like for you?’



She looked up.



‘What do you think it was like? All through high school coming second in everything. I was the best volleyball player on the team, until Mad joined.’



‘But second best is still great,’ said Gabri, who’d have loved to come in the top ten in any athletic event, even the Wellington Boot Toss at the fair.



‘You think so? Try it all the time. At everything. And having people like you saying exactly that, all my life. Second best is good. Second best is fine. Well it isn’t. Even in the school play. I was finally in charge. The producer. But who got all the credit when the play was a success?’



She needn’t tell them. A picture, bright and brutal, was forming. How many condescending smiles could one person take? How many fleeting glances as the person searched for the real star?



Madeleine.



How bitter a thing it is, thought Clara.



‘Then out of the blue Madeleine called. She was ill, she wanted to see me. I searched my heart and couldn’t find any more hatred. And when we met she looked so tired and pathetic.’



Everyone could see the reunion. The roles finally reversed. And Hazel making the one, spectacular mistake. Inviting Madeleine to live with her.



‘Madeleine was wonderful. She brightened up the house.’ Hazel smiled at the memory. ‘We laughed and talked and did everything together. I introduced her around and got her involved in committees. She was my best friend again, but this time an equal. I started to fall in love with her again. It was the most wonderful time. Do you have any idea what that feels like? I didn’t even know I was lonely until Mad was there again, and suddenly my heart was full. But then people began calling just for her, and Gabri asked her to take over the ACW, even though I was vice-president.’